19 Unreleased Songs!
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PLAIN BROWN WRAPPER
Unreleased Songs: 1984-1989
Over 65 minutes of "lost" Uncle Bonsai songs!

Uncle Bonsai - Yellow Tail 10013
Song Lyrics

Between 1981 and 1989, Uncle Bonsai performed over 250 original songs. Only 30 or 40 of them, however, ever made it to any sort of recording. By the time the group recorded its very first album, A Lonely Grain of Corn, we had already "retired" more songs than most groups perform in a lifetime. Trouble is, almost all of these unreleased Uncle Bonsai songs exist only on old, distorted cassette recordings. And, although a handful of shows from the final year that the group was together were recorded on DAT, even those were just taken off live mixing consoles. Needless to say, when searching for decent recordings of some of the unreleased Uncle Bonsai songs, pickings were slim. I dreamed of opening a box and finding the definitive recording of "Simon Has A Pimple" or "You're Just A Mama's Boy" hidden under some old reviews. I felt that if I just looked hard enough, I'd be able to include such early classics as "Billy, You're An Anteater," "I'm The Master Race, And You're Not," "The Big Cheese," "Visible Panty Line," or even, "I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I'm Trying To Read!" Alas, it was not to be. It was hard enough to find a decent recording of "Olivia Newton John," and we were performing that right up to the end (I'm not entirely sure why).

Many of these recordings come from live radio broadcasts from around the country, but, as I mentioned above, quite a few are from old cassettes. The sound may be a little bit Lo-Fi, but the performances were too good to ignore. Anyway, what I ended up with is a collection of songs that, for one reason or another, never made it to any of the three Uncle Bonsai releases. A number of them, "They're At It Again," "I Like Girls," Ashley's Little Blues," "Eine Kleine Nacht Musik," and "The Star Spangled Banner," were on the original Myn Ynd Wymyn cassette but didn't fit on the compact disc. Others, like "Parcel Post" were only performed a few times (hmm, I wonder why). That song, along with "Meet Me Under The Table (A Drinking Song)," are the earliest ones on this compilation; I didn't expect to find recordings of them, let alone ones that sounded so decent...I have to admit that I still think they're both funny songs. "In The Suburbs" was one of our favorites; I have no idea why we stopped performing it. On the other hand, I know exactly why "Boys In Heat" disappeared after a few performances! The only reason it's included here is because I had this recording with Ashley doing a great vocal.

- from the liner notes by Andrew Ratshin, 4/99
 
Songs include:
Olivia Newton John
Don't Put It In Your Mouth
Man For The 80's
Meet Me Under The Table (A Drinking Song)
Kill The Competition (A Love Song)
In The Suburbs
To Market, To Market (Pigs)
Too Many Creeps
Boys In Heat
They're At It Again
Splitting The Genes
Eine Kleine Nacht Musik
Chubby Wanna Sundae?
Ashley's Little Blues
There Is A Line
I Like Girls
Rich Kids
The Star Spangled Banner

SONG LYRICS (under construction)

Olivia Newton John

Some women like to sing out strongly with vibrato
It gets so violent you can hardly find the notes
Some women like to sling a song with such bravado
You long for silence while they're opening their throats
Sometimes a screamer with no finesse
Will make you dream of leaving with your hearing intact
It takes a whisper, it takes a breath
To give a songstress something of an act
 
I heard the voices from my parents room
Carson seemed to have his smile in place
Johnny always loved a pretty face
Always loved the chance to score
Especially with a girl next door
Then I heard the voice come through the TV screen
Something started stirring in the night
I could feel a vision dressed in white
Someone I would not forget
Strutting on the TV set
 
And Oh Oh Oh
I was only eleven
But Oh Oh Oh I was feeling like twelve
 
I stared intently while the music played
Doc said he could tell that she'd go far
Ed was always searching for a star
Someone who could sing and more
Sure to make the ratings soar
 
And Oh Oh Oh
I admit I've been mellow
And Oh Oh Oh
I admit that I've tried
 
Olivia Newton-John
The girl with the velvet skin
Using her cords for more awards
Than anyone thought she'd win
Olivia Newton-John
The girl with the Hi-Pro glow
Smiled again for network men
And starred in a TV show
She starred in a TV show
 
I saw a poster in the record store
Every little follicle in place
Not a hint of makeup on her face
Every single photograph
Capturing that perfect laugh
And I read the caption in Variety
Universal Pictures made the scene
I would see my angel on the screen
Suddenly she'd have the chance
Show the world that she could dance
 
And Oh Oh Oh
You can hear my body talk
Body talk, body talk
Oh Oh Oh
Let's get into Physical
 
Olivia Newton-John
The girl that we all adore
Taking a rest she moved out west
And opened a clothing store
Olivia Newton-John
The girls with the eyes of blue
Making us cringe, she flaunted fringe
And made it to Xanadu
She made it to Xanadu
 
Oh it will never fail ya
If you're there in full regalia
And you say you're from Australia
You'll be in the loot
Even if your bacchanalian
You're not thought of as an alien
Cause anyone Australian is so damned cute
 
I stay inside and keep my headphones on
I just need to whet my appetite
I draw the shades and dim the lights
No one else need ever know
What is on my stereo
And I've got some friends who feel the same as me
Everyone has paid his fan club dues
Paying close attention to the news
Waiting for the moment when
Olivia will rise again
 
Olivia Newton-John
Girl with the perfect hair
Losing the smile she changed her style
But nobody seem to care
Olivia Newton-John
The girl with the master plan
Traded her soul for breath control
And married a younger man
She married a younger man

 


Don't Put It In Your Mouth
 
Don't put it in your mouth
You don't know where it's been
Don't assume it's candy for a minute
Don't take it from the ground
Or from a strange old man
Other kids have vanished when they did it
 
Don't bring it in the house
Because it's not a toy
Don't you ever point it at your sister
Go put it in your room
I'll wash your mouth with soap
Then I'll put you two in separate comers
 
Did you bring enough for everyone
Keep it to yourself or share
Go upstairs and think of what you've done
You're just not my kid, I swear
 
Don't swing that thing around
You just might poke an eye
Wipe that grin before it sticks forever
Don't leave it on the floor
Or feed it to the dog
If you break it you wont get another
 
How many times do I have to tell you
In one ear and out the other
Don't try talking with your mouth full
You're behaving like your father
If you want to grow up healthy
Knock it off and put it down
Keep it clean and safe for later
And don't you put it in your mouth
 
Don't put it in your mouth
What If you should choke
Even though you didn't choke the last time
You'd jump right off the bridge
Because the neighbor did
You should try to make your brain work sometime
 
Let me see your hands
Both hands both sides
Stop that sniveling now and blow
What is best for you is best for me
Don't ask why or how just go
 
If you don't want to eat
We'll find someone who will
Starving kids in India will love it
And you'll just go to bed
And stay there for a week or
Put it in your mouth and swallow it
 
How many times do I have to tell you
In one ear and out the other
Don't try talking with your mouth full
You're behaving like your father
If you want to grow up healthy
Knock it off and put it down
Keep it clean and safe for later
And don't you put it in your mouth
 
(Knock it off)


Man For The 80's

He looked just like Elvis Presley
He had problems with his lips
And the way he moved his hips
Made me absolutely wet

 


Meet Me Under The Table

 You've been sitting there for hours
And you show no sign of leaving
After all those whiskey sours
I can't tell if you're still breathing
You don't know how much I love you
But I'm sure you realize
That I would look you in the eyes
If I could only find your eyes


Kill The Competition

 


Parcel Post

You sent a package to me
Parcel Post and COD
Saying do not open 'til Christmas
Do not open 'til Christmas
I thought I'd never see your name again
What the hell do you want with me this time?:

You sent a package labeled
This side up and handle with care
Big enough to hold a refrigerator
And it sits there in the hallway shouting
Do not open 'til Christmas
Do not open 'til Christmas

I remember the last time we spoke
When I told you to get out of my house and my hair
You tried to tell one of your little boy jokes
And I told you I would kill you if I saw you again

You sent a package full of breathing holes
And muffled noise
Saying curiosity killed the cat
And I don't have to look inside to see
What's there that I don't want to see\

You sent a package
That was three feet tall and two feet wide
And not too small for you inside
To wait 'til I just couldn't stand it
Tear off the wrapping and find you there
Holding a box full of candy
Smiling and saying how much you care

But Darling, I think that I've learned my lesson
Curiosity killed the cat
And you and your package can sit in the hall
Saying "do not open 'til Christmas
Do not open 'til Christmas
'Til I open it
If I open it at all

 


In The Suburbs*

In the suburbs of your life
Warm caring memories
Clipping coupons with your wife
Bulk buying groceries
Teach your own morality
Border on banality
Field trips, nose drips
Family finality
 
In the suburbs have affairs
Mom's in therapy
Sleepless night spent setting snares
How un-motherly
Dad and Janie from next door
Mommy called her friend a whore
Swing set, sex swap
Now we move to Baltimore
 
Carpool vans (in the suburbs)
Meat in cans (in the suburbs)
Social bans and baby booms
No one's gay (in the suburbs)
Déjeuner (in the suburbs)
Living life in living rooms
 
In the suburbs, lawn displays
Neon nativity
Plastic negro points the way
Condescendingly
Learn to like your neighbor's boy
Buy him an explosive toy
Pop goes weasel
Now we have to move to Troy
 
Mass produce (in the suburbs)
Self abuse (in the suburbs)
Overuse and over sell
Nights are bright (in the suburbs)
Right is right (in the suburbs)
Neighbor kids made by Mattel
 
In the suburbs growing old
Kids now in therapy
Eighteen year old Jello mold
Kids grown up to be
Replicas in wallet size
Of all the things that they despise
Married fat with newborn brat
No escape for the unwise
 
God is neat (in the suburbs)
Food is meat (in the suburbs)
Life is more or less the same
HBO (in the suburbs)
Let's all go (in the suburbs)
Life is just a parker game
A parker game


to Market, To Market (Pigs)

You've got a product you feel certain
Will sell like nothing else before


Too Many Creeps

Too many faces, strange in the morning
Too many breakfasts while somebody breaks
Too many bodies, stroked like a fixture
Too many fakers and too many fakes

Too many virgins, lambs to the slaughter
Too man Christians and too many creeps

Where

Boys In Heat

 Sweater season makes them hard as nails...


They're At It Again*

There is a quiet
That you can sense from afar
When someone's fighting
And left the door just ajar
The air is thickened
An undeniable grey
The Earth is shaken
They must be at it today
The hills have wandered
They're going out for a walk
I heard a rock fall
But I don't see a rock
The mountains moved me
I felt it deep from within
The thunder struck us
They must be at it again
 
There is no silence
No darkness or pleasure
No stillness or absence
No peace for a mind
No sense of order
No real comprehension
Of ending a world in our time
 
And in the mountains
They say the sky's falling down
They're doing dances
Stomping their feet on the ground
And at the river
They're singing amen
It's flowing backward
Because they're at it again
 
We were like children
When they had only begun
We could have joined hands
And sang our prayers to the sun
We never saw them
We didn't know then
It's almost over
It's almost over
When they get at it again
 
And in the cities
They're walking into the walls
The colors vanish
And only shapes line the halls
They fall off buildings
Into the fountains
They look like madmen
When they are at it again
 
There is no silence
No darkness or pleasure
No stillness or absence
No peace for a mind
No sense of order
No real comprehension
Of ending a world in our time
 
We were like children
When they had only begun
We could have joined hands
And sang our prayers to the sun
We never saw them
We didn't know then
It's almost over
It's almost over
When they get at it again
 
And in the mountains
They say the sky's falling down
They're doing dances
Stomping their feet on the ground
And in the mountains
And at the river
And in the cities
Until the rock falls
Until the thunder
Until the fire comes
Until it's over


Splitting The Genes

I see the ugly couples walking hand in hand
I wonder if they understand
The kind of damage that they do
I see them kissing in the corner
And I wonder should I warn them
Of the devestating things that can ensue
All these ugly lovers active
And their children unattractive
There's a chance the human race can only lose
Are these ugly lovers hoping
That the world will go on coping
With the kind of offspring only they produce

Don't these ugly people know
They could destroy the status quo
By just allowing any children to be born
If they only could be tutored
Into maybe being neutred
They could easily avoid the public scorn

 


Chubby Wanna Sundae?**

You've got everything that you have ever wanted
All your houses come with panoramic views
And you savor foods that have to be imported
Eating real live baby birds and rabbit stews
 
You can go around the world for just some pate
Take the Concorde 'cause you like their choice of wine
You have all your Paris pastries hand delivered
So you know you'll never have to wait on line
 
You hold the key to any door you choose to open
Grease the palms of every man who's in your way
And they never say exactly what they're thinking
'Cause it's not the kind of thing that they can say
 
You've got all these dietitians on your payroll
And you pay them well to watch you stuff your face
If there's anything that's edible around you
You just couldn't stand to see it go to waste
 
At the party, near the punch, I tried to save you
You were drinking from the fountain with a straw
You had eaten everything the hostess gave you
You had gobbled up the cheese I never saw
You were dribbling and somewhat incoherent
You were doubling in size before my eyes
I felt pity when you found the food was plastic
And I feared that I would never sympathize
 
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby wanna die
I can help to suffocate you if that really is your goal
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Fatten up the thigh
I can't stand to see you suffer when you're losing all control
Chubby, wanna sundae?,
Chubby, wanna sundae?
 
You were waiting in the foyer for your limo
And I thought that I could help you down to earth
You were scraping up some chocolates that had fallen
And I realized what a fat man's really worth
It is not how much you can divide and conquer
It's how much you can store between your cheeks
Your sense of taste is ultimately lacking
Your lack of taste betrays you when you eat
 
I can show you there are fruits you haven't tasted
I can help you to explore your appetites
I can show you there are taste buds you have wasted
There's a filling way to spend those empty nights
 
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby wanna girl
Maybe there are spices Dionysis never know
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby want the world
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby, wanna sundae?
 
Chubby there is still some time for you
Even you can love somebody else
You can learn to live on more than food
You can learn to lose some of yourself
Chubby you could give yourself away
Someone's here to pat you on the back
We could get you down to three square meals a day
With maybe just a tiny midnight snack
 
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby it's on me
Sweeter things can please you if they're fed to you by hand
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby it's for free
I could give you something that would make a bigger man
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby, wanna sundae?


Ashley's Little Blues
 
I hear your heartbeat
I hear the rain
I see you're puttin' on your shoes again
Running away
Nothing to say
Good-bye
 
I hear the thunder
I hear the showers
Lyin' here holding my breath for hours
Something's amiss
Give us a kiss
Good-bye
 
I let you in and I let you out
I don't know if you're coming or going
And still you whisper, and still you pout
Through all of the love I am showing you
 
I hear the darkness, I hear the door
I see no reason in cryin' for more
You won't return, someday I'll learn
Good-bye


There Is A Line

There is a line across the floor
It runs right through the coffee table
I can't see it anymore
'Cause it's been there so long
There's a line across the floor
Is there something I should know?

There's a line across the room
She's on her side, I'm on my side
You can almost feel the doom
In the atmosphere
There's a line across the room
And I think it's time to go

We use to each do our impression
Of a couple deep in love
xxx
xxx

 


I Like Girls
 
He said that I was lovely
He was quite the stereotype
And he moved a little closer
'Cause he felt the time was ripe
For a bit of conversation
For a little show and tell
Just a friendly confrontation
With a little love to sell
 
Oh,
I said Oh,
I said oh, no, no
 
He said that I was something
As he tried to persevere
And he offered me a cigarette
And sounded so sincere
With the bitter taste of romance
And the sweet smell of success
He was talking more and more
'Bout less and less
 
And Oh
Won't you say it isn't so
Thought I'm flattered by the interest
There is something you should know
While to you it's just like swine before the pearls
I like Girls, I like Girls
 
He said that I was special
That he thought I understood
And he talked about a boyfriend
That he left in Hollywood
He was sure in his demeanor
So secure in his desire
And he said the grass is greener
When you're on the other side
 
And Oh
Won't you say it isn't so
Just a little indecision
Could destroy the status quo
Though you say you like the way my moustache curls
I like Girls, I like Girls
Though it sounds to you like treason
I don't have to give a reason
I like Girls
 
Some people have a problem
With the way some people dress
With the way some people walk away
From people in distress
They can see the walking wounded
They just a social nudge
And the people who are worried
Are the ones who shouldn't judge
 
I was standing by the counter
He was standing by my side
And we drank our drinks in silence
Then he turned to say good bye
And I never really worried
If we'd ever meet again
I went off to find a woman
He went off to find a man
 
And Oh
Won't you say it isn't so
It's so nice to meet a person who can let his feelings show
Though you say that there are all kinds in this world
(He likes Girls)
I like Girls
And you don't believe I listen
But I know what I am missin'
I like girls


Rich Kids

Rich kids watch you from the limo
Practicing their violins
Rich kids smile from the limo
Rich kids don't invite you in


Sponge Boy

Did you get a little piece of the action
Did you steal another pen from the bank
Were you looking for a certain reaction
Did you think that there was someone to thank
Did you think it was a secret worth keeping
Did you think you would be questioned at length
Did you steal away while someone was sleeping
When you found that you were losing your strength
 
Did you take another piece of the chicken
Did you drink another bottle of wine
Were you hoping for a key to the kitchen
Or another invitation to dine
Were you crying on the floor for a bandage
'Cause you stubbed another toe on a stool
Were you waiting for the perfect advantage
While you were draining their emotional pool
 
Sponge Boy, Spinge Boy
Hides in the closet
Sponge Boy, Spinge Boy
Ridesin the night
Sponge Boy, Spinge Boy
Turns on the faucet
Sponge Boy, Spinge Boy
Turns out the light
 
Here he comes, the living planet
Can't you feel the gravity
Vacuum eyes, conceal the panic
Suck the vision out of me
He might lurk, he might linger
He might steal your aches and pains
Check your pulse, count your fingers
Close your wrists, hide your veins
 
Did the thought of missing dinner disturb you
Were you hoping for some extra hors d'oerves
Were you waiting for somebody to serve you
When you'd already had seconds and thirds
Did you spend a little time in the bathroom
Did you take the little soaps from the shelf
Did you sample all the various perfumes
Did you take a little home for your self
 
Sponge Boy, Spinge Boy
Waits 'til it's colder
Sponge Boy, Spinge Boy
Dates on the side
Sponge Boy, Spinge Boy
Cleaves to the shoulder
Sponge Boy, Spinge Boy
Leaves when you're dry

 

 

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