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a lonely grain of corn
the first recording from uncle bonsai
Uncle Bonsai - Yellow Tail 10019

Suzy
Billboard Love
One In A Million
Day Old Whale
Charlie and Me

Johnny, It's Downhill From Here
He Must Have Been A Genius
A Lonely Grain of Corn
Fat Boys (A Love Song)
Penis Envy

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Suzy

She works from nine to five
She gets her take home pay
She goes to buy some clothes
To wear another day
She's got a little car
That uses diesel gas
It's got a foreign name
She thinks it gives her class
She doesn't cook too well
She doesn't speak too good
She knows of all the men
Within her neighborhood
She gives them all the eye
And chooses one or two
To buy her little things
And have a rendezvous
She has a rendezvous

She tries to look her best
She tries so hard to smile
She wants them all to see
She's got a touch of style
She wears a slitted dress
That shows a little thigh
And acts so nonchalant
As she goes walking by
She thinks the men are cute
She likes to reel them in
And tries to play it cool
With just a touch of sin
She makes them draw a straw
To see who'll take her out
She likes it dog-eat-dog
And they begin to shout

Suzy won't you come out tonight
Suzy won't you go for a ride
Suzy I got tickets for the best show in town
Won't you come along and sit by my side
Suzy won't you go to the game
Suzy won't you come to the dance
Suzy don't you think that I could come inside
Suzy won't you give me a chance

She's learned to set her goals
She wants an even tan
She doesn't mind her work
She does the best she can
She gives the men a smile
They think she fools around
They want to buy her drinks
She wants to settle down
She likes to play the field
She thinks it's just a game
She knows how much he's worth
Before she knows his name
She doesn't want advice
She thinks she knows it all
She thinks it's rather nice
When they begin to call

Suzy won't you come out tonight
Suzy won't you go for a ride
Suzy I got tickets for the best show in town
Won't you come along and sit by my side
Suzy won't you go to the game
Suzy won't you come to the dance
Suzy don't you think that I could come inside
Suzy won't you give me a chance

She thinks she needs that walk
She wears her dresses tight
She wished she had the nerve
To be alone at night
She's got her mind made up
She's found the only way
She hates the pressure but
She likes to hear them say

Suzy won't you come out tonight
Suzy won't you go for a ride
Suzy I got tickets for the best show in town
Won't you come along and sit by my side
Suzy won't you go to the game
Suzy won't you come to the dance
Suzy don't you think that I could come inside
Suzy won't you give me a chance


Billboard Love

And the man is always smiling
As he leans against his Cadillac
And offers you your money back
If you can beat his price
And the woman's so beguiling
As she rubs against her Chevrolet
And offers you some repartee
And motor trend advice

And the heads are always spinning
As the preacher holds the pearly gate
For those who feed the Sunday plate
With hopes to raise the dead
And the dogs are always grinning
As fleas and ticks destroy their coats
While cowboys feed them milk bone floats
And pat them on the head

And the lawns are always happy
And the kids are all well fed
And the neighbors are as friendly as can be

And the box of fettucine
Spreads the word from out the parking lots
The nutriments in every box
Are just what they deserve
And the girls in string bikinis
Chase a never ending puberty
While lifeguards sitting hubrisly
Blow whistles at their curves

And the kids are all in college
And the lawns are all well groomed
And the clothes are all as bright as white can be

And all the pretty people
In their latex gloves
Living fortified and sugar free
Riding off together
In billboard love
That's the only kind of love for me

And the woman seems so daring
As she sinfully enjoys a smoke
And tells another risqué joke
While other girls lament
And the man is oh so caring
As he sells you everything he can
And offers an installment plan
For just a small percent

And the kids are all good Christians
And the lawns are all but used
And the neighbors love their coffee caffeine free

And all the pretty people
In their latex gloves
Smoking Tipparillos by the sea
Riding off together
In billboard love
That's the only kind of love for me

Paper smooth complexion
Teeth as white as tile
Malibu perfection
Pepsidented smile
Over sexed and over sized
Popular and pasteurized

And all the pretty people
In their latex gloves
Waiting for the weekend to be free
Living life forever
In billboard love
That's the only kind of love for me


A Day Old Whale


One In A Million

He was one in a million but I let him fade away
with the numbers game. And he wanted to hold
me, and I wanted to let him stay, but it never came
up in the conversation. All I did was dream I was
safe and sound in the variation on my scattered
theme. And I turned around and he was gone...
or never there.

And I wouldn't dare look in the closet or the hall
where I deposit all my uninspired lovers who feel
they must entertain while they hog all the covers
like they hog all the pain.....Singing "Oh, it's not
so bad. I've had it better; I've had worse". Or
"Oh, that's really sad and it reminds me of a verse
my mother told me when I was small. She used to
hold me, and after all was said and done I'd fall
asleep, I'd fade away - another dream, another
day - I know now it all begins again;
we never end"

(Once upon a time,
Filled with love and laughter
Once upon a time, happily ever after)

Now -

Fairy tales disturbed me! The princes always
blindly charged and left me confused. Though, I
feel like I'm the one who faced the dragon - all the
times I've been burnt and bruised by lovers saying
that they're gentle, with their minds and not their
hands; who play on my emotions like the silent
marching bands they heard as boys. They have to
make some noise to prove they're there. They
couldn't care about the beat, and they never think
to share, 'cause they could never bear defeat at the
hands of someone not afraid to show them that the
bed was made in open invitation to the dance.
They never take the chance.
"It's not so bad. I've had it better; I've had
worse". And "Oh, that's really sad and it reminds
me of a verse my mother told me when I was
small. She use to hold me, and after all was said
and done I'd fall asleep, I'd fade away - another
dream, another day - I know now it all begins
again; we never end"

He was one in a dozen but I allowed him to stay
for an hour or two. And he rushed to his glory
just to give me his soul and his gratitude. And he
called me his lover as he rested his eyes, and he
dreamed of his mother like a child who cries for
his feed....He never looked a me.


Charlie and Me

Charlie comes up from downtown
Just to watch me wash my hair
And he makes me tuna sandwiches
To show me that he cares
Charlie comes up from downtown
Just to taunt me with his airs
And I just pretend that he isn't there

Charlie and me go way back
To a time when we were green
And I don't think he ever meant
A thing he said to me
Charlie, now stop your lying
Or you know I'm going to leave
Charlie don't make a liar of me

And it goes on and on and on

Charlie and me are lovers
But we sometimes sleep alone
And it makes me feel so close to him
Just touching the telephone
Charlie, we made a bargain
I don't want to start a fight
So don't call me up in the dead of night

And it goes on and on and on

And Charlie will never realize
The sting of his tireless smile
The string of the broken promises
That cling to him like a child
But Charlie, I love your faces
When I say that I think you're strange
Charlie, I hope that you never change

Charlie comes up from downtown
Just to keep me company
And I don't think he'll ever know
How happy we could be
Charlie, now don't you worry
'Bout the things you never see
Charlie, you'll always be safe with me

And it goes on and on and on


Johnny, It's Downhill From Here

Most likely to succeed
President and sweater man
There for all to see
Drama prince and letter man
Babes around your feet
Sweetest talking candy man
Always on the beat
Errand boy and handy man
Social servant, cub reporter
Hot dog served with sparkling water

Everything old hat
Known to all the local faces
Every time at bat
Hitting for the extra bases
Babes around the pool
Ray Ban strutting perfect tanner
Precious local jewel
Six ball juggling social planner
Fastest strumming, hardest worker
Up and coming soda jerker

But Johnny, it's downhill from here
Don't you know the world was at your feet
But now they're gone
And it's suddenly clear
Everything you do goes wrong
Won't you tell me what became of the fiery passion
What happened to the eyes of ice blue steel
Tell me that you're not afraid to learn to feel

Waiting in the wings
Everything so out of reach
Nothing ever clings
No can do and no can teach
Girls are seldom seen
Only with the beg and borrow
All the breaks are clean
Here today and gone tomorrow
Loathsome lover, lonesome loser
Soapbox critic, social boozer

But Johnny, it's downhill from here
Don't you see you're acting like the
Once and future king
But there's nobody here
And you can't do anything
Won't you tell me what became of the days of glory
What happened to the masses at your side
Tell me that you've found another place to hide

And Johnny I know it used to be so easy
Everything you wanted was in hand
All that blind ambition
Only lacked the ammunition
To make everyone around you understand

That Johnny, it's downhill from here
Don't you see your trigger finger's
Waiting for the call
And you're showing the fear
Knowing that you're sure to fall

Won't you tell me what became
Of the fire and thunder
What happened to the smile and timeless wit
Tell me what it takes to crawl from under
Show me that you've learned to handle it
Does anything remain of the local hero
Does anyone remember the high school cheer
Tell me that you're not afraid to disappear
'Cause Johnny, it's downhill from here

He Must Have Been A Genius

He said he knew just what was best for me
He told me things I didn't know
He said he wouldn't ever pressure me
Said he wouldn't ever go

He said he wanted to be close to me
He never really left my side
He said he wanted to propose to me
But he never found the time

Watching TV and reading papers
Always thinking of a plan
Something for an honest man
To do with his days
He had his ways

He said he'd love me for eternity
He said he'd never let me down
He told me that he'd always turn to me
That he'd always be around

And he, he must have been a genius
He told me so himself
Every morning at the breakfast table
Doing crosswords in his sleep
Every evening in the dark
Making love with open eyes

He wrote a letter to my family
He said he'd never make me cry
He said he'd give me immortality
And he never said good bye

And he, he must have been a genius
He told me so himself
Every morning at the breakfast table
Doing crosswords in his sleep
Every evening in the dark
Making love with open eyes

And he, he could have been a genius
I told him that myself
In the morning when he looked so frightened
And he couldn't shake the sleep
Every evening in the dark
I forget to close my eyes


A Lonely Grain Of Corn

I can't go out
It's not safe
They're waiting out there for me
I never go
I never will
Their silos want to store me

I'm in the house
That's okay
There's grating on the windows
Out there they roast
Before they kill
And eat each fibrous morsel

Why go out?
Where there are picnics to offend me
At the core of my being
Why go out?
Where there are pigeons to descend
And order me "carry out"
I can't abide
I'll stay inside as I was born
A lonely grain of corn

They pick their teeth
The yellow bits
Remind and further damn me
Why go out
It's certain death
And I'm the only grain of corn in my family

I could live on the cob just as easily as they
I could die with the mob
In the parks and frigidares
But I choose to be free
Behind bars, far from birds
With my husks wrapped around me to disguise
And it's really, really corny but

I've got to be me
I've got to be me
What else can I be
But what I am
A lonely piece of corn

Recurrent dreams
Of corn fed cows
Cans of salted liquids
Of unfelt tears
Buttered worlds
Laid out on a rice bed
Happy dreams
Of windswept fields
Virgin stalks and fresh rains
Of brave new corn
Undeaf ears
Freedom talks for farm grains

Why go out?
Where I'm a dime a dozen bargain
At the old farmer's market
Why go out?
When in my prime a frozen giblet
Is the most I can hope for
I can't obey
I think I'll stay as I was born
A lonely grain of corn

I can't go out
It's not safe
They're waiting out there for me
I never go
I never will
'Cause I'm the only grain of corn
In my family


Fat Boys (a love song)

Skinny boys got nothin'
To lean against in bed
Bony arms and shoulders
Only bruise my head
And when they try to wrestle me
I beat them pound for pound
Skinny boys got nothing
To wrap your arms around

Skinny boys got visions
Of god-like qualities
But every time I greet one
There's nothing there to squeeze
All that wasted effort
All that vanity
Skinny boys got visions
Of immortality

Something 'bout those muscle bound boys
Practicing their clean and jerk
Oiling up their bodies for the shine
Never liked those tan and lean boys
Too much pressure, too much work
Looking in the mirror for a sign
I just want a baby-fat boy
Double sized and double chinned
Belly big and pillow to my brain
I just want a spacious lap boy
Jump right on and sink right in
Loving handles driving me insane

All of that extra weight
All of that extra muscle to play with
Gives me another reason to stay
With the fat boys, fat boys
Everyone cleans the plate
Truly inspired the last of us lingers
To sit by the fire and lick off the fingers
Of the fat boys, fat boys

Skinny boys are losers
Who seem to try too hard
But every time they talk to me
They won't let down their guard
All that blind devotion
All the foolish pride
Skinny boys are losers
With no place left to hide

I don't want no squeaky clean boys
So repressed and so refined
Walking like their feet don't touch the ground
I don't want no Mama's best boy
Undeveloped, undefined
Waiting for his chance to be profound
I just want an overgrown boy
Unconditioned, unrehearsed
Fleshy body waiting for the squeeze
Overweight and overblown boys
Whet my whistle, quench my thirst
Chubby cheeks just drop me to my knees

All of that extra skin
All of that extra stuffing to yearn for
Gives me another reason to burn
For the fat boys, fat boys
Everyone wants to sin
Truly discerning the last of us hovers
To turn up the music and turn down the covers
With the fat boys, fat boys

Fat boys so massive
And fat boys so sweet
Fat boys to fondle and bite
Fat boys to feed me
Whenever we meet
Fat boys to turn out the light
Fat boys so ample
To sample and hold
Fat boys to brighten my day
Fat boys so grand
To manhandle and mold
Fat boys to steal me away

All of the extra cheek
All of that extra cargo to carry
Gives me another reason
To marry the fat boys, fat boys
Everyone takes a peak
Truly determined we go through the paces
We're puffing our chests
And we're stuffing our faces
For the fat boys, fat boys


Penis Envy

If I had a penis
I'd wear it outside
In cafes and car lots
With pomp and with pride
If I had a penis
I'd pamper it proper
I'd stay in the tub
And use me as a stopper

If I had a penis
I'd take it to parties
Stretch it and stroke it
And shove it at smarties
I'd take it to pet shows
And teach it to stay
I'd stuff it in turkeys
On Thanksgiving Day

I'd rival my buddies
In sports cars and stick shifts
I'd shower my spire
With girlies and gifts
I'd peek around corners
I'd aim at my toilet
I'd poke it at foreigners
I'd soap it and oil it

If I had a penis
I'd run to my mother
Comb out the hair
And compare it to brother
I'd lance her, I'd knight her
My hands would indulge
Pants would seem tighter
And buckle and bulge

A penis to plunder
A penis to push
'Cause one in the hand
Is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me
A penis to share
To pick up and play with
When nobody's there

I'd sit like a boy
I'd straddle the chair
I'd play with my fly
Albeit with care
I'd dip it in chocolate
I'd stick it in sockets
I'd stroll to the movies
With hands deep in pockets

I'd stick in vacuums
On vacant verandahs
Gas guzzling Volvos
And poodles and pandas
In puddles and drainpipes
In doggies and ditches
Pool halls and potholes
And bottles and bitches
Zucchinis and zebras
Tomatoes, tomatoes
In pineapples, pumpkins
And gulches and grottos
In melons and marshmallows
Gloves and gorillas
Slurpies and slippers
Chinooks and chinchillas

A penis to plunder
A penis to push
'Cause one in the hand
Is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me
A penis to share
To pick up and play with
When nobody's there

If I had a penis
I'd climb every mountain
I'd force it on females
I'd pee like a fountain
If I had a penis
I'd still be a girl
But I'd make much more money
And conquer the world.

 

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