Like her mother before her
And her mother before
Throw the child at the world
It'll come back for more
She can take it out on you
That's the curse of the weak
Throw the child at the world
Hope it lands upon its feet

Once the river starts
Rising over banks
Spilling over dams
Threatening the town
Some with stronger hearts
Run for higher ground
Some will be saved.....

Take a child left alone
From a child left behind
Keep her pressed to the breast
She'll be easier to find
Leave the line with some slack
It's a lesson she learned
Turn a turtle on it's back
And it's there when you return

Once the river starts
Rising over banks
Spilling over dams
Threatening the town
Some with stronger hearts
Run for higher ground
Some will be saved
Someone will drown

You always drink from that cup
You always drink from that cup
You always drink from that cup
And look what you've found
You always drink from that cup
You know this will swallow you up
You always drink from that cup
That's a lot to keep down

Said the fly to the spider
Though I could be wrong
This is really fine work
But the webbing's too strong
That's her mother's affair
That's her favorite song
She's got plenty to spare
So she'll pass it along

Once the river's dry
Once the threat is gone
Once the road is safe
Once the troops arrive
Some with tired eyes
Fade like fireflies
Some fall behind
Someone survives

You always drink from that cup
You always drink from that cup
You always drink from that cup
You keep coming around
You always drink from that cup
You know this will swallow you up
You always drink from that cup
That's a lot to keep down

Like her mother before her
And her mother before
Throw the child at the world
It'll come back for more

Available on Lounging in the Belly of the Beast and Primal Urges

And so you slept through the Age of Reason
And you stepped into someone's art
And you leapt at the chance to please them
Just to tear them all apart

And as you crept from behind the curtain
Just a spoiler from the start
You picked the ones who looked uncertain
Did you have to be so smart

And so you build some
You break some
You kill some
You save some
You spill from
The bottom of the heart

Would it really put your standing on the line
To take a sip of pleasure time to time
Spitting out frustration line by line
That's not tasting art, that's wasting time
Chewing up the scenery is fine
But that's not tasting art

And as they tried to extend their reach
And disappeared before your eyes
You showed that those who can't do teach
And those who can't teach criticize

Available on Lounging in the Belly of the Beast

As the plane went down I wondered how would I behave
Judged by this, the last performance that I gave
I could pull the lever down
And maybe make a difference
I could show the passengers
The path of least resistance

I was never one of those afraid to fly
After all we're all on earth to live and die
Maybe I'd feel better
If all my affairs were settled
Hovering above the ground
In something big and metal

No one knows exactly how this feels
Waiting for the grinding of the wheels
Thinking this was not the best of final meals

All our trays are locked and all our baggage stowed
I'm strapped in beside an extra heavy load
How am I supposed to save him
I am only mortal
This is not a person who could
Make it through the portal

Maybe I have earned this hand that I've been dealt
After all, I know I'm not exactly svelte
I was never quite the kind
To choose mind over matter
All those extra peanuts
Could have really made me fatter

No one told me this would not be hard
Dropping in on some suburban yard
Now I wish that I had read the card

We are flying...We are flying
We are flying...We are dying

Looking at the faces on this final flight
I am so surprised I found the time to write
The music doesn't really flow
It's kind of hard to hum it
If they didn't check my things
I'm sure that I could strum it
Still it's not so bad,
It's being written as I plummet

We are flying...We are flying
We are flying...We are dying

Available on Lounging in the Belly of the Beast

All the real cowboys are gone
Even the ones on TV
Rode through the sunset
And out of the backlot
With studio shoes on their feet

Trade in the saddle-sores, turn in the gun
And fade like the paint of the sun
All the real cowboys are dirty and done
All the real cowboys are gone

Unreleased

I can't go out
It's not safe
They're waiting out there for me
I never go
I never will
Their silos want to store me

I'm in the house
That's okay
There's grating on the windows
Out there they roast
Before they kill
And eat each fibrous morsel

Why go out?
Where there are picnics to offend me
At the core of my being
Why go out?
Where there are pigeons to descend
And order me "carry out"
I can't abide
I'll stay inside as I was born
A lonely grain of corn

They pick their teeth
The yellow bits
Remind and further damn me
Why go out
It's certain death
And I'm the only grain of corn in my family

I could live on the cob just as easily as they
I could die with the mob
In the parks and frigidares
But I choose to be free
Behind bars, far from birds
With my husks wrapped around me to disguise
And it's really, really corny but

I've got to be me
I've got to be me
What else can I be
But what I am
A lonely piece of corn

Recurrent dreams
Of corn fed cows
Cans of salted liquids
Of unfelt tears
Buttered worlds
Laid out on a rice bed
Happy dreams
Of windswept fields
Virgin stalks and fresh rains
Of brave new corn
Undeaf ears
Freedom talks for farm grains

Why go out?
Where I'm a dime a dozen bargain
At the old farmer's market
Why go out?
When in my prime a frozen giblet
Is the most I can hope for
I can't obey
I think I'll stay as I was born
A lonely grain of corn

I can't go out
It's not safe
They're waiting out there for me
I never go
I never will
'Cause I'm the only grain of corn
In my family

Lyrics: Arni Adler | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on A Lonely Grain of Corn and "The Inessential Uncle Bonsai (live)

To light the fire and point the blame
To stand up front and fan the fame
To rally troops who call my name
Oh that'll never happen to me

To throw my fist into the air
To cross those lines, to toss my hair
And stand just left of Che Guevara
Oh that'll never happen to me

Oh to be that angry young man
Huddled masses galore
Spread around on the floor
Like they all understand
Oh to be that angry young man
Teaching words to the songs
Keep them singing along
Give yourselves a big hand
Oh to be that angry young man

To spit these words 'bout war and cars
And learn three chords on this guitar
An honest man can go so far
Oh that'll never happen to me

To take this note that's in my head
And sing it 'til it's sung to death
And do it all in just one breath
Oh that'll never happen to me

Oh to be that angry young man
No musicians allowed
Throwing picks to the crowd
It's a tiny demand
To be that angry young man
Breaking strings for effect
That's what they all expect
I just do what I can
Oh to be that angry young man

Liven up the hallowed halls
Angry Young Man
Grab the tiger by the balls
Angry Young Man
Freedom is its own reward and
Volume is a sacred sword
So play another minor chord
You Angry Young Man

Oh to be that angry young man
Two or three days of growth
And a folk singer's oath
It's the law of the land
To be that angry young man
Get your records to sell
Learn to painlessly yell
Try to cry on command

To be that angry young man
Preaching words to forget
'Til the end of my set
It’s a popular plan
To be that angry young man
Pick a topical cause
Learn to milk the applause
Isn't politics grand
To be that angry young man

Available on Lounging in the Belly of the Beast and Primal Urges

Anne can keep a fish alive
Anne can keep a fish alive
Anne can keep a fish alive
I don't know how she does it
She also keeps her friends around

Also keeps her friends around
Also keeps her friends around
I don't know how she does it

Her house is always clean and bright
House is always clean and bright
Her house is always clean and bright
I don't know how she does it

She really seems to love her kids
Really seems to love her kids
Really seems to love her kids
I don't know how she does it

Anne knows when she's had enough
Anne knows when she's had enough
Anne knows when she's had enough
I don't know how she does it

She likes her job the way it is
Likes her job the way it is
Likes her job the way it is
I don't know how she does it

She gets along with family
She gets along with family
She gets along with family
I don't know how she does it

I don't know how
I don't know how
I don't know how
I don't know how

Anne can keep a fish alive
Also keeps her friends around
Her house is always clean and bright
Really seems to love her kids
Anne knows when she's had enough
Likes her job the way it is
She gets along with family
I don't know how she does it

Words: Arni Adler/Andrew Ratshin | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on The Grim Parade

See the huddled masses cower in the corner
While the people of position eat another pie
See them calculate the calories and categories
Counting up the carrots as the world goes by
Everyone remembers all the really fat and ugly women
Dancing with each other in the high school gym
And everybody's read about the fat guy in the Guiness book
And wondered what the hell was really wrong with him

Look at all the chubby cheekers
Checking out the chocolates
While the people with the money do the fat boy dance
Totally dumbfounded well endowed and so well rounded
Crying out how they're the victims of a circumstance
All the wealthy women who have recently discovered
They could satisfy a lover with diminished girth
Try to keep the secret but then ultimately leak it
When they speak about the heaven that is here on earth

There's a whole new breed of surgeon
Fully armed with suction guns
Hired by some health food virgin
Tired of the fat farm fun
No one's had the nerve to weigh her
No one's seen a curve for years
She can pay to see her layers disappear

See the dietician losing by the hour
While the people with the power take away her job
See her mutter at her California cutter
While he builds a perfect woman from a perfect slob
Why should someone worry about eating in a hurry
When the caramel and the curry can be cut away
Why not stuff your faces
If you know that there are places
That can just surgically erase your every milky way

See the rich girl fire her trainer
See her tuck away her thigh
See them make a vain girl vainer
As they suck her body dry
See her smile for the camera
Hear her thank her lucky star
They would kill to watch her fill the jelly jar

See the upper crusters drawn and quartered
See the plastic people rioting
It's not exactly what the doctor ordered
But so much easier than dieting
Stick a needle in the fatty tissue
Stick a needle in the derriere
No one else could take a social issue
Turn it into such a fashion fair

See the kid who's been so totally insipid
He's been saving up the lipids for a rainy day
Thinks it kind of funny that some hypodermic honey
For a little bit a money drains the past away
Everyone who's phobic about being anaerobic
Can endure the mock heroics of the surgeons' grind
Every tofu hater can revert to steak and taters
If he knows that sometime later he'll be redesigned

See the girl who swallowed fingers
Showing off her appetite
Knowing there's some nut to cut out every bite
Pinch a fistful and you've wrung the curtain
Pinch a fistful and your lover's gone
Why be wistful when you know for certain
There's a blissful way to carry on
Stick a needle and it's hello sailor
Stick a needle and it's hello friend
Send some business to your human tailor
Spend the means to buy your perfect end

Slip the tube
Into the sack of suet
As you pass the fluid with some tenderness
Greet the future
With a single suture
As you roto-root your way to slenderness

Stick a needle and you quit the fat boom
Stick a needle and you quit the gym
Join the people with the human vacuum
They will keep you looking fit and trim
Stick a needle and it's good-bye pressure
Stick a needle and it's good-bye thighs
Everybody needs a drastic measure
Every body can be cut to size

Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

Look what's heading up the charts
This is how the whole things starts
Half the power, twice the parts
This must be the queen of hearts
Someone saw her in a bar
That's where all the good ones are
Another pretty girl with a guitar

Stand around just looking bored
Grab another big award
Nothing ever untoward
Fighting with a plastic sword
Here's another shooting star
This one's sure to make it far
Another pretty girl with a guitar

Look at how the bigwigs fight
Grab the bait and take a bite
Same discussion every night
How'd she get her skin so white

Height of fashion, black on black
All emotions off the rack
With everything that she might lack
She'll need someone to watch her back
Never mind the repertoire
Call the fish eggs caviar
Another pretty girl with a guitar

Sing a note with lots of air
Fix 'em with a vacant stare
Hide behind a mess of hair
That's a look that's really rare
Get that man a new cigar
Buy another fancy car
Another pretty girl with a guitar

Unreleased

I hear your heartbeat
I hear the rain
I see you're puttin' on your shoes again
Running away
Nothing to say
Good-bye

I hear the thunder
I hear the showers
Lyin' here holding my breath for hours
Something's amiss
Give us a kiss
Good-bye

I let you in and I let you out
I don't know if you're coming or going
And still you whisper, and still you pout
Through all of the love I am showing you

I hear the darkness, I hear the door
I see no reason in cryin' for more
You won't return, someday I'll learn
Good-bye

Available on Plain Brown Wrapper

Bat
I swear I saw a bat
I didn't see my mother
Or anything like that
What are you writing
And staring at
Every ink blot that you've shown me
Is a ...

Bat
I didn't hear a voice
Between mother or a bat
Bat seems the safer choice
A bat won't make me take a pill
A bat won't make me hold my tongue
A bat won't tell me who to kill
Or eat her young

Oh Doctor tell me
After you examine me
Do you think that all this ink
Looks something like my family
Oh tell me
Would it really be that awful
If one looked like a butterfly
Whose wings were bitten off

I'll say a bat
I'm sticking with a bat
I never saw my mother
In her favorite hat
There's no way you could have known
From where you sat
That every ink blot that you showed me
Was a bat

Bat

Available on The Family Feast

The baby’s head is a hexagon
The baby’s head is a hexagon
Nobody in here did anything wrong
But the baby’s head is a hexagon

The baby’s head is a hexagon
The baby’s head is a hexagon
He’s got all of his fingers, his toes are all on
But the baby’s head is a hexagon

Everything else is just
Everything else is just.........fine............

The baby’s head is a hexagon
The baby’s head is a hexagon
There are so many places to rest things upon
‘Cause The baby’s head is a hexagon

And now it’s hard to gauge concern
There’s so much inner rage to burn
I know it’s such an early age to learn
That life isn’t fair
You could take one side or another
And you could take away it’s brother
But the baby’s head would still be a square

The baby’s head is a hexagon
The baby’s head is a hexagon
It’s almost like something Picasso had drawn
I guess you could say that his features are strong
Hey, one of those facets is already gone
Now the baby’s head is a pentagon

Oh, Hallelujah (It’s not quite a miracle)
Oh, Hallelujah (His head isn’t spherical)
Isn’t it magical
Life was so tragical
Now we can start it up all over again
So raise up a flagon-full
For the hexagonal
We don’t have to hang out
With losers like them

The baby’s head is a pentagon
The baby’s head is a pentagon
Those six-sided children will never belong
And our baby’s head is a pentagon

Our baby’s head is a pentagon
Our baby’s head is a pentagon

Words and Music by Emma Ratshin & Andrew Ratshin
Available on The Grim Parade

You say
You love me
For now
For certain
You say
Whatever
You think
I want
To hear
You say that
It's now
Or never
If not
Forever
At least
We're here

You say
It's nothing
Like true
Romances
It's true
Romance is
Not all
It's said
To be
You say that
We take
Our Chance
Maybe
The chances
Will fade
Away

It's all one liners
It's "How much better can you do?"
It's wine and diners
It's one for all and all for you

You say
You love me
That much
Is easy
You say
You'll please me
That's all
You want
To do
You say that
You'll take
It easy
It's not
The worst thing
That we
Could do

You pull no punches
You need the damsel in distress
Who'll play your hunches
Who'll be a virgin more or less
You'll spring for candy
You'll have some secrets to confess
You'll pour the brandy
And pull the body from my dress

You lead me to your bedroom
I can see through your bedroom
What do you do with bedroom eyes
You open wide your bedroom
I see inside your bedroom
Don't try to hide those bedroom eyes
Bedroom Eyes

You say
You'll leave me
Some day
With sorrow
You say
Tomorrow
The world
Might be
Destroyed
You say that
You'll beg
Or borrow
So that
Tomorrow
Might be
Enjoyed

You choose the places
So luck is always on your side
You tie your laces
To get a look at what I hide
You make suggestions
You toast the color of my eyes
You show discretion
When you've exhausted your supplies

Why do you show your bedroom
I think I know your bedroom
I'll never go with bedroom eyes
I heard about your bedroom
I'd never doubt your bedroom
I'll live without your bedroom eyes

You wink, I wonder
What is he trying to sell
You think I'm under
Some kind of magical spell
You shave, You shower
It's such a packaging ploy
You crave the power
That comes from being a boy

What do you say to bedroom
Just put away your bedroom
I'll never stay with bedroom eyes
The end begins with bedroom
You'll never win with bedroom
I won't look in your bedroom eyes

Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

The world is a big chihuahua
That's been put in the microwave
Someone forgot when you cook chihuahua
You have to poke holes or
You've ruined a perfectly fine chihuahua

Words: Arni Adler | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

He's a big fish in a small pond
And he's eaten everything,
Eaten everything in sight
Making circle after circle
Looking for a big fish fight

But this small pond's just a small pond
And every other fish,
Every other fish steers clear
Circled wagons, boarded windows
Every time big fish is near

Now he could move to deeper waters
He could find another shore
He could set his sights on some exotic dish
But the waters that run deepest
Have their big fish by the score
So he'd end up just another fish

He's a big fish in a small pond
And he likes to think that that's,
Likes to think that
That's the way God planned it
And a big fish in a small pond
Sometimes seems to come up empty handed

He could get a little nosy
He could try to change his stance
He could throw another coin and make a wish
But if he stays where it is cozy
And he never takes the chance
He will always be the biggest fish

Big Fish, Small Pond

Available on Lounging in the Belly of the Beast

And the man is always smiling
As he leans against his Cadillac
And offers you your money back
If you can beat his price
And the woman's so beguiling
As she rubs against her Chevrolet
And offers you some repartee
And motor trend advice

And the heads are always spinning
As the preacher holds the pearly gate
For those who feed the Sunday plate
With hopes to raise the dead
And the dogs are always grinning
As fleas and ticks destroy their coats
While cowboys feed them milk bone floats
And pat them on the head

And the lawns are always happy
And the kids are all well fed
And the neighbors are as friendly as can be

And the box of fettucine
Spreads the word from out the parking lots
The nutriments in every box
Are just what they deserve
And the girls in string bikinis
Chase a never ending puberty
While lifeguards sitting hubrisly
Blow whistles at their curves

And the kids are all in college
And the lawns are all well groomed
And the clothes are all as bright as white can be

And all the pretty people
In their latex gloves
Living fortified and sugar free
Riding off together
In billboard love
That's the only kind of love for me

And the woman seems so daring
As she sinfully enjoys a smoke
And tells another risqué joke
While other girls lament
And the man is oh so caring
As he sells you everything he can
And offers an installment plan
For just a small percent

And the kids are all good Christians
And the lawns are all but used
And the neighbors love their coffee caffeine free

And all the pretty people
In their latex gloves
Smoking Tipparillos by the sea
Riding off together
In billboard love
That's the only kind of love for me

Paper smooth complexion
Teeth as white as tile
Malibu perfection
Pepsidented smile
Over sexed and over sized
Popular and pasteurized

And all the pretty people
In their latex gloves
Waiting for the weekend to be free
Living life forever
In billboard love
That's the only kind of love for me

Available on A Lonely Grain of Corn, Boys Want Sex in the Morning, and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

I have visited my enemy
And eaten him for lunch
I have acted out my fantasies
While acting on a hunch
I have faced down every friendly smile
That ever came my way
I have taken things that weren’t mine
And never thought to pay

You can see where needles marked me
On my arms, between my toes
You can see a trail of money
Down the drain or up my nose
I have welcomed all the evil
That I thought I could receive
You don’t know the kind of freedom
I have hidden up my sleeve

I’m born again, I’m born again
I can taste forbidden fruit ‘cause I am born again
Say you’re sorry, make amends
Hate thy neighbor? Kill thy friends?
Have some wine, say amen
I’m born again

I have wagered with the devil
I have traded on my soul
And I found my lucky penny
In the wallet I just stole
The good things come so easy
If you take from someone’s plate
I’ll get everything I ever want
From those who sit and wait

And I’m born again, I’m born again
I am keeping all the loot ‘cause I am born again
It’s a blessing, not a trend
Off the wagon? Why pretend?
True forgiveness, in the end
I’m born again

Oh I tasted guilty pleasures
And I drank from bloody water
And I tore apart my fam’ly
With my hands and with my voice
Then I learned about forgiveness
Oh I really like forgiveness
I have asked for his forgiveness
And he doesn’t have a choice

I’m born again, I’m born again
I am turning out the vote ‘cause I am born again
Screwed my brothers way back when
It was either me or them
Dona eis requiem
I’m born again

Keep the faith? Well, that depends
If I reap the dividends
Next year in Jerusulem
I’m born again

Unreleased

Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
When I'm not my best
Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
Tearing at my breast
Boys want
Someone who's winsome
Someone to pin
Someone to undertake
Boys want
Someone to fall on
Someone to crawl on
Someone half awake

Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
Covers at my knees
Boys want
Rotten conditions
Passive positions
I am a trapeze
Boys want
Someone who's sleepy
Someone who's keeping
Nothing in too deep
Boys want
Somebody first hand
Someone to burst
And then go back to sleep

There is nothing I like better
Than a jostle now and then
With the hands under the sweater
And the back that starts to bend
But before my eyes are open
I don't want to have to hide
From a simpleton still poking
With a thimbleful of pride

Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
Soiling the sheets
Boys want
Sex while I'm yawning
Suddenly spawning
When I'm half asleep
Boys want
Someone unconscious
Somebody not just
Waiting for a thrill
Boys want
Sex with surprises
Sex with sunrises
Someone on the pill

There is nothing like a lover
Who can satisfy your needs
And the joy when you discover
Just how often he succeeds
But before my eyes can focus
I don't need him to surprise
By descending like a locust
On a field of sleeping thighs

Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
When I'm still not fresh
Boys want
Something that strikes them
Someone who likes them
Fondling their flesh
Boys want
Someone to take and
Someone to break and
Comment on their size
Boys want
Someone to prod and
Someone who'll nod
And then just close her eyes

Available on Boys Want Sex in the Morning and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

Back when the world was brand new
6000 years ago
Long before any wars
Man rode the dinosaurs
And everyone got along great

And on that first day
There were fireflies
And on that first day
There were stars

Back when the world was brand new
6000 years ago
Just before Jesus Christ
Man lived in paradise
All that begatting was great

And on the second day
There were rabbits
And on that second day
There were more

Then God came around to see the beautiful sights
But found himself staring at the blackest of nights
Cause God had forgotten to turn on the lights
And he felt like such a fool

So on that third day
There were sunburns
And on that third day
Skies were blue

And the people seem stunned that they were Neanderthal
And the dinosaurs noticed that the people were small
So they reared up and made a lovely snack of them all
And god thought that was cool

‘Cause maybe it was not the plan
To watch the beasts devour man
But when the smorgasbord began
It sure got his attention
But maybe if he got it right
And started with let there be light
They’d make it through the seventh night
Without his intervention

‘Cause on that fourth day
There was no one
‘Cause on that fourth day
It was a billion years later

And so God created a big asteroid
Not the kind of an asteroid a guy could avoid
And when he looked down on all the stuff he destroyed
And he saw that it was good

But you can’t be a God just watching planets revolve
If he wanted the job then he had problems to solve
If the monkeys in pants had had a chance to evolve
He wondered if they would

So he started it over with a simpler plan
And he turned off the darkness when the first day began
And he waited a while before the coming of man
Could spoil the neighborhood

Available on The Family Feast

Buddha had to make a decision
Was it just a question of faith
Everyone with vision could see, he had a lot on his plate

So Buddha, in his awkward position
Knew he couldn't leave it to fate
'Cause it's easier to start a religion than to lose all that weight

Available on Primal Urges

I cut my arm
I almost died
But with a bandaid and a kiss
You came to save me
And there was hope
And there was time
There was a chance to use
The wondrous gifts God gave me
I held my breath
I held my tongue
But with an elbow to my ribs
You would remind me
That there was life
That there was love
That there were other people waiting
Right behind me

(You used to tell us that the end of the world was near)
I used think that it was all gonna blow somehow
(You used to sing about a world full of hate and fear)
I used to think of all the misery that God allowed
But I'm happy now

I used to fight
I used to curse
But with a whack across my nose
You would console me
From left to right
From bad to worse
I felt release from all the things
That used to hold me
I was on fire
You fanned the flames
But with a momentary lapse
You stopped my shaking
And there was truth
And there was fame
There was a world out there
To help with my awakening

(You used to tell us that the people in the world were sheep)
I used to think that they were lambs to the slaughterhouse
(You used to tell us that you counted us in your sleep)
I used to wonder what the agony was all about
But I'm happy now

Without my sneer, Without my smirk
Without my jeers, Without my quirks
Without the fears, Without the leers
Without the jerks, Without the tears
Without the peers, Without the perks

(You used to tell us we were all gonna fade away)
I used to think that I was far from the maddening crowd
(You used to sing about the things that we couldn't say)
I used to wonder 'bout a heaven that was filled with doubt
But I'm happy now

Available on But I'm Happy Now

Caroline leaves me waiting on the phone
While she goes to find a cigarette
While she shows her sense of etiquette
While she gives me something to forget
And when I’m tired of being alone
I can change the words inside my head
While she talks of someone else instead
While she leaves her problems in my bed

Caroline likes to leave me in the hall
While she goes to find the movie guide
While she goes to find someplace to hide
While she lets another man inside
And when she says she misses my calls
I can call to hear myself confide
We will talk of sex and suicide
And she seems unable to decide

If she’s coming or going
If she’s already gone
If it’s even worth showing
That she’s ready to move on

Caroline leaves a light on in her room
While she waits for men to come around
While she goes to dinner on the town
While she finds a place to settle down
And when she says that we can resume
I will wait to hear the words out loud
I will be the voice without the sound
I will be the stranger in the crowd

Is she looking for someone
Is she looking for change
Is she looking for something
she is sure to rearrange
There’s a light in her window
There’s a light in her eyes
There’s a sign for her friends
that she believes in all her lies

Caroline I’m feeling uninspired
Tell me that there’s something on the line
Caroline you know I’m getting tired
Of waiting for a love that isn’t mine

Caroline thinks that everyone can see
That she lives her life in constant pain
That she has an image to maintain
That she’s slowly slipping down the drain
And when she’s tired of playing with me
She will order up the best champagne
She will find some friends to entertain
She will say there’s nothing to explain

I’ll be there when she needs me
I’ve been there all along
If she wants to release me
Is there really something wrong

Caroline I’m feeling uninspired
Tell me that there’s something on the line
Caroline you know I’m getting tired
Of waiting for a love that isn’t mine

She wakes up early
And she tells me that it’s time to go
She says she loves me
But she doesn’t want our friends to know
I slip out quietly ‘cause it isn’t worth the scene
She says come back you know exactly what I mean

She’ll go the distance
‘Cause she knows that I will compromise
There’s no resistance
‘Cause I know that she’ll apologize
I have no reason for forgetting and forgiving
I’ll go on living in her eyes

Caroline I’m feeling uninspired
Tell me that there’s something on the line
Caroline you know I’m getting tired
Of waiting for a love that isn’t mine

Unreleased

Charlie comes up from downtown
Just to watch me wash my hair
And he makes me tuna sandwiches
To show me that he cares
Charlie comes up from downtown
Just to taunt me with his airs
And I just pretend that he isn't there

Charlie and me go way back
To a time when we were green
And I don't think he ever meant
A thing he said to me
Charlie, now stop your lying
Or you know I'm going to leave
Charlie don't make a liar of me

And it goes on and on and on

Charlie and me are lovers
But we sometimes sleep alone
And it makes me feel so close to him
Just touching the telephone
Charlie, we made a bargain
I don't want to start a fight
So don't call me up in the dead of night

And it goes on and on and on

And Charlie will never realize
The sting of his tireless smile
The string of the broken promises
That cling to him like a child
But Charlie, I love your faces
When I say that I think you're strange
Charlie, I hope that you never change

Charlie comes up from downtown
Just to keep me company
And I don't think he'll ever know
How happy we could be
Charlie, now don't you worry
'Bout the things you never see
Charlie, you'll always be safe with me

And it goes on and on and on

Available on A Lonely Grain of Corn and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

How do they jump so high
How do they flip in mid-air
And spread their legs so wide
And wear the skirts that they wear
How do the mount each one
To make their pyramids
Is it the drugs they're on
These mental invalids

They wear their dark sunglasses
They play their games at night
The players make their passes
They wear their pom-poms just right
The mascot sneaks inside
He's proudly overspread
The game's not over yet
It's time to go to bed

It seems like they must be
On drugs or just stupid
They're buoyant and busty
And just plain dumb
It seems like they're brainwashed
Or on anesthesia
Their brain suffers weight loss
'Cause how else could they cheer like:

Go you Injuns
Go, go you Injuns
Um chagawa, um um chagawa
Go you Injuns
Go, go you Injuns
Um chagawa, Injuns got the powah
Go, G, O, go

It stunts their mental growth
And makes it hard to find
A future livelihood
Or others of their kind
The marching band it seems
The voyeurs in the stands
The refs and both the teams
Are all the raving fans for
Cheerleaders on drugs

It seems like they must be
On drugs or just stupid
They're buoyant and busty
And just plain dumb
The drug interaction
Could just be some teamwork
Their forces and factions
Make them sound like:

Go you Injuns
Go, go you Injuns
Go you Injuns
Go, go you Injuns
Give me an "I" - I
Give me an "N" - N
Give me a "J" - J
Give me a "U" "N" "S"
Go you Injuns
Go, go you Injuns
Go you Injuns
Go, go you Injuns

Cheerleaders on drugs
Cheerleaders on drugs
Cheerleaders on drugs

Words: Arni Adler | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on Boys Want Sex in the Morning and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

You've got everything that you have ever wanted
All your houses come with panoramic views
And you savor foods that have to be imported
Eating real live baby birds and rabbit stews

You can go around the world for just some pate
Take the Concorde 'cause you like their choice of wine
You have all your Paris pastries hand delivered
So you know you'll never have to wait on line

You hold the key to any door you choose to open
Grease the palms of every man who's in your way
And they never say exactly what they're thinking
'Cause it's not the kind of thing that they can say

You've got all these dietitians on your payroll
And you pay them well to watch you stuff your face
If there's anything that's edible around you
You just couldn't stand to see it go to waste

At the party, near the punch, I tried to save you
You were drinking from the fountain with a straw
You had eaten everything the hostess gave you
You had gobbled up the cheese I never saw
You were dribbling and somewhat incoherent
You were doubling in size before my eyes
I felt pity when you found the food was plastic
And I feared that I would never sympathize

Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby wanna die
I can help to suffocate you if that really is your goal
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Fatten up the thigh
I can't stand to see you suffer when you're losing all control
Chubby, wanna sundae?,
Chubby, wanna sundae?

You were waiting in the foyer for your limo
And I thought that I could help you down to earth
You were scraping up some chocolates that had fallen
And I realized what a fat man's really worth
It is not how much you can divide and conquer
It's how much you can store between your cheeks
Your sense of taste is ultimately lacking
Your lack of taste betrays you when you eat

I can show you there are fruits you haven't tasted
I can help you to explore your appetites
I can show you there are taste buds you have wasted
There's a filling way to spend those empty nights

Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby wanna girl
Maybe there are spices Dionysis never know
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby want the world
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby, wanna sundae?

Chubby there is still some time for you
Even you can love somebody else
You can learn to live on more than food
You can learn to lose some of yourself
Chubby you could give yourself away
Someone's here to pat you on the back
We could get you down to three square meals a day
With maybe just a tiny midnight snack

Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby it's on me
Sweeter things can please you if they're fed to you by hand
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby it's for free
I could give you something that would make a bigger man
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby, wanna sundae?
Chubby, wanna sundae?

Words: Arni Adler/Andrew Ratshin | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on Plain Brown Wrapper

I need a place to call home
Give me the half-hearted smile
I need a place to come down
For a little while
Give me the luck of the draw
I've done so well on my own
I need a face I can trust
when I'm alone

Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Now that I'm lost and lonely
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me

I need place to call home
Give me a life to begin
I need a place when I'm tired
And the skin is thin
Give me a face I can read
I've seen some terrible sights
Give me a reason to breathe
When it's late at night

Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Now that I'm lost and lonely
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Now that I've lost control
If not the weight of the world
If not the trick of the light
If not the sign of the times
I could be somewhere tonight
Here at the end of the line
Here at the peak of my form
I'm at the prime of my life
Here in the eye of the storm

Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Now that I'm lost and lonely
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me
Is anybody gonna comfort me

I need a place to call home
I've left scene of the crime
I need a face I can trust
With all this time

Available on "Live(?) In Seattle," "But I'm Happy Now," and Primal Urges

Congratulations, retirement’s here
Don’t have to worry ‘bout how things appear
So you’re saying goodbye to the family
You’ll wish them the best
‘Cause it’s off to Miami
And plenty of rest
If there’s one thing that’s perfectly clear
You’ll probably see them next year

Congratulations, you stuck with your clan
You made it through on the family plan
So you’re saying
Goodbye to the people
Who already moved
And you won’t lose much sleep
When they all disapprove
You’re just doing whatever you can
Who cares if they don’t understand

and they say
Home’s where the heart is
But your heart has been broken for years
They say home’s where the heart is
But what do you owe those who left long ago
And oh oh
So they don’t ever call
You’ll have the last laugh
By outliving them all
Oh, oh, oh

Congratulations you know who you are
You took the house and the cash and the car
Say goodbye to these
Failures who thought you’d just be a good sport
Go and spend like a sailor
With one day in port
They have made it impossibly hard
Maybe you’ll send them a card

and they say
Home’s where the heart was
And everyone left home behind
They say home’s where the heart was
But oddly enough, they wanted your stuff
And oh oh
See the gleam in your eye
The best kind of revenge Is refusing to die
Oh, oh, oh refusing to die

Pack up the trinkets
Relax, sidle up to the bar
Have one more drink
It's amazing you made it this far
Toast the good fortune, take in the applause
Farewell to the dramas you probably cause
One surprise for the thinnest skins
She who dies with the least toys wins

and they say
Home’s where the heart is
But home wasn’t home anymore
Home’s where the heart is
They thought you would stay, but they all slipped away
And oh oh
Take one more bow
They honestly thought
You’d be buried by now
Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh

Unreleased

We held our breath for hours and hours
With adolescent lungs
And all the rhymes of younger times
Came tripping off our tongues
But we lost some sight, we lost some timing
Backed away from social climbing
All the way from saccharine to sweet
This is not an honorable defeat

We watched the TV closer, closer
Read by candlelight
Held our views and turned the screws
And served our appetite
But we lost some height, we lost some courage
Grew so tired of being discouraged
All the way from nursery to grave
This is how the old-at-heart behave

Creatures of habit
Suffering our conceits
All we learn from history is history repeats
Creatures of habit , Creatures of habit

We held our breath for hours and hours
In adolescent truth
All the cars and lovers scars
Were symbols of our youth
But we lost some strength, we lost some hearing
Lost the things we thought endearing
All the way from dangerous to dumb
This could be the best of what will come

Creatures of habit
Calm and incomplete
All we learn from history is history repeats
Creatures of habit , Creatures of habit

All the way from saint to second-hand
This is not the way that it was planned
Less to lose and less to plunder
Only dreams to pull us under

(Creatures of habit)
Almost obsolete
All we learn from history is history repeats
Creatures of habit , Creatures of habit

Available on Live(?) In Seattle and But I'm Happy Now

All of these people
Are here to remind me
That everything changes tonight
Friends of the family
And friends of the friends of the family
All wait for the sight
But I haven't heard
One single word
I can't seem to focus at all
Stuck in this dress
A fairy princess
Who's not quite at home at the ball

'Cause I never learned how to waltz
I never learned how to waltz
Dances in school had a whole different meaning
That wasn't dancing, just swaying and leaning
I can do cartwheels and turn somersaults
But I never learned how to waltz

These are the people
Who say that they love me
I'm hoping they all understand
If I pass on the groping
And look for an opening
To bury my head in the sand
'Cause after the wine
After we dine
After most everyone's met
After the hosts
Are done with their toasts
There lies Sunrise and Sunset

And I never learned how to waltz
I never learned how to waltz
One, two, three, one, two, three, I never bothered
To plan for this one little dance with my father
This could be one of life's crueler assaults
But I never learned how to waltz

How could I know that, way back
When we were listening to all of that music
That some day, I'd say we should have stuck with the flute
And I know one day, we may
Look back at all of this with some amusement
Remembering our wedding
Me nervously sweating
And you in that maitre d's suite

How could I know that, way back
When we were planning for all of this eating and drinking
We'd rethink not eloping that night
('Cause I know one day, I'll say
We should have spent some more time on the seating
We should have examined
The choice of the salmon
And I should have never worn white

All of these people
Are here to remind me
That somebody's honeymoon bound
Friends of the family
And friends of the friends of the family
Are circling around
So don't be so fast
To step on the glass
I'm not really ready to cheer
I would be glad
To dance with my dad
If everyone else wasn't here

'Cause I never learned how to waltz
I never learned how to waltz
Would all of the relatives call me a cheat
If they happened to notice me stand on his feet
'Cause it's not the best moment to show off my faults
And I never learned how to waltz
Tell me this evening won't ground to a halt
'Cause I never learned how to waltz

Available on Doug

I was looking for a moment I could taste
I was reaching for the things I used to feel
I would love a little destiny to waste
I would take whatever pleasure I could steal
I am lost in something burning underneath
I am waiting for the signs you never show
I am tired of pretending I can breathe
As I smile and defend the status quo

If you can’t be the solution
If you can’t be the solution
If you can’t be the solution
You’re the problem

You were never going to make it on your own
You were searching for a better hand to play
You were never going to take that microphone
You were standing there with nothing new to say
You are lost in something tiring and old
You are waiting for another new defeat
You are tired of looking patient in the cold
While the world around you suffers in the heat

I am throwing out the baby
I am throwing out the baby
I am throwing out the baby
With the water

You are not the boy I married
I am not the girl you loved
There’s no fire in your belly
There’s no life in this cocoon
If there’s something ‘round the corner
I would love to see it coming
I would love to see it coming
I would love to see it soon

We are lost in something toothless in the night
We are waiting for the darkness to implode
We are tired of being frozen in the lights
While we’re waltzing in the middle of the road

It’s a bitter pill to swallow
It’s a bitter pill to swallow
It’s a bitter pill to swallow
But I’ve swallowed

Available on The Grim Parade

There’s a diaper in the sink
There’s a diaper on the chair
There’s a diaper in the freezer
We are never unprepared
Every corner, ever closet
Every cupboard in the place
Has a diaper waiting just in case

There’s a diaper on the TV
There’s a diaper underneathe
There’s a diaper in my briefcase
Stuck between the briefs
There are diapers down the hallway
For as far as eyes can see
But Emma likes to pee on me
She will hold it in for hours
For the opportunity
Emma likes to pee on me

Available on Primal Urges

Didn’t I get you everything you asked for
Didn’t I always answer to your call
Didn’t I take your side in every single fight
Wasn’t that my duty after all

Didn’t I always greet you with a smile
Didn’t I try my best when you were blue
Didn’t I always come when you were on the run
Even though I’d lost a step or two

Is this the way you treat your loved ones
Is this the moment when you go too far
Some people say you shouldn’t treat a dog this way
Yet here we are

Didn’t I mark the path when we were walking
Didn’t I always chase those squirrels away
Didn’t I sit and wait when you were working late
Didn’t I usually hold it in all day

Didn’t I lick your feet and warm your pillow
Didn’t I learn your stupid little tricks
Didn’t we have some fun when I was really young
And didn’t I hold my tongue when I was fixed

Is this the way you treat your loved ones
Is this the moment when you go too far
Some people say you shouldn’t treat a dog this way
Yet here we are

And I know there has to be a doggy heaven
‘Cause I’ve spent my time down here in doggy hell
With a life on all fours, worth one seventh of yours
And a million other doggy butts to smell
Maybe I will hold the leash in doggy heaven
Maybe you’ll enjoy the horsemeat and the crumbs
Maybe you’ll think of me with fond memories
As you face eternity without your thumbs

This is the way to treat your loved ones
This is the moment and we’ve come so far
Some doggies say I wouldn’t treat a cat this way
Yet here we are, here we are
I heard you say that every dog will have his day
And here we are

Available on Primal Urges

I got a dollar in my pocket
I got a million things to buy
I walk around without an attitude
I never stopped to wonder why
I’m not a statistician
I’m not a architect
I rise and fall with every thing that I’ve ever known

I got a dollar in my pocket
I’ll get another from a friend
They’ll grow together like a family
They’ll work together in the end
I’m not an inquisition
I’m not an intellect
I’ll beg and borrow
‘Til the last of the money’s gone

Got a spread, got a stash, got a spot on the floor
Got a card, got some credit at the company store
Got a seat, got a stock, got a sign on the door
Got a source, got a spy who has been there before

I got a dollar in my pocket
I see a dollar I can steal
I know that everyone is watching
I don’t care how that makes them feel
I don’t need ammunition
I don’t need amulets
I’ll kill the messenger
And see how the fortunes change

Got a phone, got a fee, got a face I can read
Got a price, got a printout, got a prospect to bleed
Got a hate, got a hunger, got a habit to feed
Got to watch, got to want, got to win to succeed

I got a dollar in my pocket
I got a million in the bank
I walk around with proper attitude
I don’t have anyone to thank
I’m just a politician
I’m just a diplomat
I rape and plunder with the best of the ruling class

Available on I Am Joe's Eyes

It’s run like a schoolyard
Decisions made quick
That initial impression
Is sure gonna stick
I don’t care if I’m first
I just want to be picked
‘Cause I know scars like these never fade

And it only gets worse
When they call you by name
Thought I’d left this behind
But it’s seems I’m fair game
Keep my head down, keep distance
It’s more of the same
And I dive on another grenade

So you peek through your fingers
Think when will this end
Yell out in anger
Or sell out a friend
There’s a lot in this game you could never defend
And we’re all playing dodgeball again

It’s unfolding before me
This line of attack
And the only defense
Might be turning my back
Though it’s seems like there’s time
I’m too slow to react
And I’m acting so numb and naive
So I stumble, I bob, and I weave

So you peek through your fingers
Think when will this end
And you’re underprepared
So you overextend
If you can’t hit the wall, well you better pretend
‘Cause we’re all playing dodgeball again

And I’m not the fastest or the fiercest or the bravest
Or smartest, hey stop me if you disagree
To duck and to cover’s a sign of my weakness
It seems that my meekness is worn on my sleeve
The strong and the pretty don’t rule by committee
Throw down from above without purpose or pity
I’m not so quick so I make myself small
And I’m bound to be hit by the ball

With the times getting tougher
The tougher do fine
And this rising and falling
Is all by design
So you crawl serpentine
Put your toes on the line
Holding steady, I’m ready to go
And I wait for the whistle to blow

So you peek through your fingers
Think when will this end
Taking one for the team
Has it’s own dividend
Just a sip of the poison, you’re own special blend
And we’re all playing dodgeball again
It’s your personal stoning, you have to attend*
And we’re all playing dodgeball again

From Seven Sins, Seven Wonders, Seven Dwarfs - Unreleased

Don’t put it in your mouth
You don’t know where it’s been
Don’t assume it’s candy for a minute
Don’t take it from the ground
Or from a strange old man
Other kids have vanished when they did it

Don’t bring it in the house
Because it’s not a toy
Don’t you ever point it at your sister
Go put it in your room
I’ll wash your mouth with soap
Then I’ll put you two in separate comers

Did you bring enough for everyone
Keep it to yourself or share
Go upstairs and think of what you’ve done
You’re just not my kid, I swear

Don’t swing that thing around
You just might poke an eye
Wipe that grin before it sticks forever
Don’t leave it on the floor
Or feed it to the dog
If you break it you wont get another

How many times do I have to tell you
In one ear and out the other
Don’t try talking with your mouth full
You’re behaving like your father
If you want to grow up healthy
Knock it off and put it down
Keep it clean and safe for later
And don’t you put it in your mouth

Don’t put it in your mouth
What If you should choke
Even though you didn’t choke the last time
You’d jump right off the bridge
Because the neighbor did
You should try to make your brain work sometime

Let me see your hands
Both hands both sides
Stop that sniveling now and blow
What is best for you is best for me
Don’t ask why or how just go

If you don’t want to eat
We’ll find someone who will
Starving kids in India will love it
And you’ll just go to bed
And stay there for a week or
Put it in your mouth and swallow it

How many times do I have to tell you
In one ear and out the other
Don’t try talking with your mouth full
You’re behaving like your father
If you want to grow up healthy
Knock it off and put it down
Keep it clean and safe for later
And don’t you put it in your mouth
(Knock it off)

Words: Arni Adler | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on Boys Want Sex in the Morning,"The Inessential Uncle Bonsai," and Plain Brown Wrapper

I can see you've gotten used to disappointment
Maybe that's the smartest thing you've done
Every family has disappointing children
You're the one
And I see you like a doggy in the window
Your eyes grow wide with every passing car
I thought you would avoid these situations
But here you are

So the family digs deeper
'Cause you take it on the chin
Is there anything that's sweeter
Then when skin is really thin
And this love that keeps on giving
Burrows down and settles in

You can sit and watch them volleying for hours
But your silence doesn’t really keep the peace
Don’t you realize that the one who squeals the loudest
Gets release
And I think you’ve lost your craving for transition
What you were before will always shine right through
You were born to play this permanent position
Lucky you

You have sanctified this dinner
You have studied this disease
And they pass around the insults
Like they pass around the peas
But you seem to find some pleasure
In this dying by degrees
And they aim to please

So it's a new night, same old story
New drink, right before we
Sift through the allegory
Another pound of flesh released
One prayer for every sinner
In where the air gets thinner
All's fair in love and dinner
Let's keep the bandage fresh at least
To calm the beast
And join the feast
The family feast

Now I know you really want a second helping
It’s the pain we bring that makes us feel alive
So you’ll sit and make the same mistakes forever
And you’ll survive

Every family is different
Every family's the same
Every family's unhappy
In their own peculiar way
And your family tomorrow
Is your family today
And so you stay
You always stay

Unreleased

Doug leaves his bride to be on early Sunday morning
To take the train to spend the holidays at home
Doug takes his briefcase and a bag of dirty laundry
He takes her photograph
So he won’t have to be alone

Doug reads the paper as he rumbles through the country
He sleeps and dreams about the girl he left behind
She packed a sandwich should he happen to get hungry
She packed potato chips
So he’d enjoy the trip

Doug, Doug on a mission
Doug, Doug on his own
Doug, Doug on a visit
Doug, Doug going home

Doug sees the future as the train pulls in the station
A friendly smile from the family Chevrolet
Doug greets his father with a sense of trepidation
They take the long way back
They hit the cul-de-sac

Doug, Doug prays in silence
Doug, Doug plays the pawn
Doug, Doug sees the driveway
Doug, Doug sees the lawn
Doug wipes his forehead
Doug, Doug dries his palms
Doug, Doug at the doorway
Doug, Doug at his moms.

Doug’s Uncle Sid comes out
To pinch a cheek and bend an ear
Come set the table Doug
His mother yells for all to hear
Go find a tie to wear and
Why don’t you cut your hair and
So tell us Douglas will you ever find a real career
Doug’s father shakes his head
And talks of girls instead

Doug greets the guest
And takes their coats up to his parents room
Doug checks the pockets
Then he goes back to the dining room
The door bell rings and then
Doug checks some coats again
Doug tries to smile
In the face of such impending doom
Doug sees his fall from grace
In every cousin’s face

Doug, Doug starts to feel the heat as
Doug, Doug counts the chairs
Doug, Doug knows the children have
To eat their food downstairs
Doug, Doug sees his mother’s smile
Doug, Doug walks the lonely mile

Doug, Doug hears the grown-ups
Doug, Doug passes time
Doug, Doug wants cloth napkins
Doug, Doug wants some wine
Doug reads his placemat
Doug, Doug feels so calm
Doug, Doug in the basement
Doug, Doug at his moms

Doug leaves his family and rides his ways to freedom
He’ll feel the safety for at least another year
Doug knows his fiance is happy just to greet him
She knows his work is done
He’s such a faithful son

Doug, Doug feels religious
Doug, Doug is alive
Doug, Doug is ambitious
Doug, Doug will survive
Doug lets his hair down
Doug, Doug on his own
Doug, Doug on the rebound
Doug, Doug coming home

Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn and Doug

I knew someday that he’d explode
I can’t pretend I was surprised
And when he reached that overload
I almost welcomed his demise
Don’t say that I’m uncaring
Don’t say that that’s the way it goes
‘Cause while he sat there staring
I saw the flames come through his clothes

He loved his new remote control
He used to hold it like a friend
And every day he’d sell his soul
To press that button once again
Don’t say that it’s a blessing
Don’t say he only wasted space
I’m not just second guessing
I saw the look upon his face

Doug saw the writing on the wall (So typical)
Doug felt the ax about to fall (So typical)
Everybody doesn’t like to face defeat
Everybody doesn’t have to take the heat
No use sitting alone like Doug at home

I knew someday that he’d explode
And when the fire finally came
I settled in to watch the show
And thought about his new-found fame
There was no time to smother
Before it started it was done
Don’t ask about his mother
She hardly noticed he was gone

Doug had a little time to kill (So typical)
Doug had to find another thrill (So typical)
Everybody has a plan to face the dark
Everybody wants to try to leave their mark
Leave your name by the phone for Doug at home

No match, no cigarette
Imagine that still nobody cares
His mom’s so glad she didn’t forget
To put the plastic on the chairs

Doug had no other place to turn (So typical)
Doug found a final bridge to burn (So typical)
Everybody wants to have the final word
Everybody’s got a flare for the absurd
Can’t get blood from a stone ask Doug at home

Available on Doug

The doctor slapped the baby
So the mother slapped him back
No one’s gonna treat her boy that way
No one really thought about
How mother might react
Proud to put her instinct on display
She’s slapped a few more doctor’s since that day

And he shall be
And he shall be
And he shall be

The doctors and the nurses
Couldn’t bear to watch the pain
They tried to stay outside the battle zone
Sixty seven hours
She spent waging that campaign
Pushing through the spasms on her own
And she sure as hell will use it when he’s grown

And he shall be
And he shall be
And he shall be
He Shall Be....

One perfect little egg
Grows perfect little legs
Turns into something
That’s a perfect little swimmer
One night of perfect love
One night was just enough
If she could just not shove,
She’d love to keep him in her

The father sat beside her
Wondering how much she could take
But knew to keep his body out of range
Three days of breathing
Trying hard to stay awake
This was not a pattern he could change
And no one enjoyed watching the exchange

And he shall be
He Shall Be....

Ten perfect little toes
One perfect little nose
Forgive the purple prose,
They couldn’t have foreseen this
Four perfect little limbs
Three perfect little chins
Two perfect earlobes, and a perfect little penis

Put aside the hand me downs
Find the purest cotton
Nothing but the best
Will ever touch this baby’s bottom
This could be the greatest child
Ever to be born
Never mind the baby bonnet
Where’s the crown of thorns

Is this the second son
Born now for everyone
Most people can not tell one baby from another
Or just another youth
To suckle, burp and poop
Is this a child who might never leave his mother

The doctor slapped the baby
So the mother slapped him back
This was not a mom to be ignored
No one really saw it
As a personal attack
But this was not a lapse they could afford
And someday soon they hope she’ll cut the cord

And he shall be
And he shall be
And he shall be

Available on Apology and Doug

Do you like to pull the band-aid quick or slow?
Do you like to be the first or last to know?
Is there someone you could phone
So you won’t be here alone
As you learn about the future blow by blow

Did you ever have the feeling something’s died?
Did you ever notice nothing left inside?
If I told you I was spent
Would you wonder what it meant
As we wandered through the silence side by side

I could never tell what you were thinking
Maybe if we talked a little less and listened more
Every day that past I felt us sinking
Deeper than I ever sank before

I’ll be coming in the morning for my life
And I hope that you’ll forgive the twisted knife
But when it comes right down to it
We just never really fit
And I wish you better luck with your next wife

You’re a lovely boy, Doug
Such a lovely boy
There’s a lovely girl out there still waiting
You deserve some joy, Doug
You deserve some joy
You’re lovely boy, Doug
You’re a lovely boy

Have you ever simply lost your appetite
Or thought of never coming home one night
That would really end it well
It’s a story you could sell
And you could finally tell your mother she was right

You’re a lovely boy, Doug
Such a lovely boy
There’s a lovely girl on the horizon
There’s a world to join, Doug
There’s a world to join
You’re lovely boy, Doug
You’re a lovely boy

There is nothing I can say to ease the burden
I was never one for crocodile tears
I will leave you everything to store your hurt in
And I’ll give you alimony for at least a couple years

You’re a lovely boy, Doug
Such a lovely boy
I was not as lovely as you needed
And I filled the void, Doug
I just filled the void
You’re lovely boy, Doug
You’re a lovely boy

Do you like to pull the band-aid quick or slow?
Do you like to be the first or last to know?
You were such a gentle touch
And you gave away so much
I never thought about the undertow
But I always knew I’d be the first to go

Available on Apology and Doug

If I could buy you a remote for your remote, dear
Maybe you would show some signs of life
And float the slightest smile in my direction
From somewhere in the pale blue TV light
‘Cause I left a little something in the kitchen
And you said you’d pick up something from the store
But if you moved an inch since I left here this morning
That’s an inch more than you moved the day before

I remember when we made our love connection
And I thought somehow that we could make a deal
We could spend a little time with Mother Nature
Then we could spend a little time with Ron Popeil
And I tried to see beyond the Ponderosa
But I couldn’t change the way it made me feel
‘Cause the jokes on Mama’s Family aren’t funny
And the fights on Jerry Springer aren’t real

But I know that you’ll be happy
Yes, I know that you’ll be happy
With the Hogans, the Hakawi and Hank Hill
Yes, I know that you’ll be happy
With the world of lifelike color
And I envy you the time you found to kill

If I thought there was a chance of good reception
I would try to think of something else to do
But the stuff that’s between me and that antenna
Would take more than a Ginzu to cut through
‘Cause I could stand here in my birthday suit for hours
And I’m pretty sure that you would never see
But if I stood that way in front of the camcorder
I know that you would watch me on TV

And I know that you’ll be happy
Yes, I know that you’ll be happy
With your cylons and your vorlons and your trill
Yes, I know that you’ll be happy
With the satellites and cables
And a little extra network time to fill

And so I’m coming to you now without commercials
In the only way to play this final scene
‘Cause the one time that you’ll ever see this program
Will be here on tape delay on your big screen

If I could buy you a remote for your remote, dear
Maybe you would show some signs of life
And float the slightest smile in my direction
From somewhere in the pale blue TV light
‘Cause I understand the need for television
I like PBS and CNN
But Gilligan will never leave that Island
And Lassie won’t be coming home again

And I know that you’ll be happy
Yes, I know that you’ll be happy
With your sisters Wendy, Landers, and Bertrille
Yes, I know that you’ll be happy
With the world of motion pictures
Just as sure as you’ll be happy standing still

Available on Doug

Doug doesn’t call anymore
He’s wearing a ring that inhibits his dialing
And this time he really seems sure
All calm and content
All that drooling and smiling
Everyone knows that a romance is great
(Cupid take aim at the couple ascending)
But everyone knows that the tree isn’t straight
If the roots were all formed with habitual bending

Doug doesn’t call anymore
He fell into love but he couldn’t stop falling
And maybe he stopped keeping score
Maybe he’s stubborn or maybe he’s stalling
And everyone follows a poetic theme
(And the fork of the path that is usually taken)
But everyone knows at the end of a dream
There’s a hell of chance that you’ll finally awaken

Tie the knot, Doug
Tie it tighter
Seal the package with a kiss
Open wide, Doug
Open wider
Something might still come from this

Doug in step
Doug inspired
Doug uncovered
Doug unstaged
Doug released
Doug retired
Doug enlightened
Doug engaged

Doug doesn’t call anymore
Mr. and Mrs., a powerful mixture
And now that he’s safe and secure
He doesn’t need anyone clouding the picture and
Everyone knows that behind a great man
There’s a women of strength
With a great constitution
But everyone knows it’s an unnatural plan
To be locked up inside of an old institution

Tie the knot, Doug
Tie it tighter
Pay the rabbi, pay the priest
See the sights, Doug
See the spider
Mates for life then starts to feast

Doug revealed
Doug remembered
Doug undaunted
Doug uncaged
Doug de-clawed
Doug dismembered
Doug encumbered
Doug engaged

Here’s a toast to wedded bliss
Here’s a toast to mother
Here’s a toast to that first kiss
And may there be another
Here’s a toast to calmer seas
To less inclement weather
A toast that you’ll remember me
When you’re not still together

Doug doesn’t call anymore
He’s gotten so old he’s forgotten my number
But that’s what a phone book is for
In case he comes out of his emotional slumber

Doug denied
Doug dependent
Doug old fashioned
Doug old-aged
Doug redeemed
Doug resplendent
Doug impassioned
Doug engaged

Doug deboned
Doug delivered
Doug devoured
Doug displayed
Doug debriefed
Doug deflowered
Doug empowered
Doug engaged

Available on Live(?) In Seattle and Doug

Doug pets his dog
Dog watches Doug
Dog feels the stress
Doug gives dog bone
Dog sniffs his butt
While Doug gets dressed
Dog seems impressed
With Doug’s cologne

Doug feeds his fish
Fish don’t do shit
Fish don’t play fetch
Doug hates fish so
Fish hides in fern
While Doug has fits
Fish don’t do shit
Fish got to go

First you’re born
Then you walk
Then you boy scout
Then you drive
Then you drink
Then you leave
Then you marry
Then you die

Doug calls to Mom
Mom checks his tie
Mom checks his breath
Doug looks so young
Mom gives Doug cash
While Doug shifts weight
Mom hates first dates
Mom bites her tongue

First a flicker
Then a flame
Then an ember
Then an ash
Take the cash, Doug
Take the cash

She’s a lovely girl
She’s a lovely girl
Such a lovely girl

Doug greets his dog
Dog smiles at Doug
Dog feels relief
Doug fills dog’s dish
Dog settles in
While Doug finds bone
Dog’s glad Doug’s home
Dog, Mom, Doug, Fish

First an acorn
Then a tree
Then an acorn
Then a tree
Then an acorn
Then a tree
Then an acorn
Then a tree

Available on Doug

Doug wakes up early Monday morning
And lets the dog go back to sleep
Doug hits the kitchen while his father sits there yawning
And he knows they’ve got appointments to keep
And they wrestle for the bacon
‘Til the final bit is taken
Or ‘til mother finds another little piece
And she smiles and pours the cereal
And irons the material
That gives her perfect boy his perfect crease

Doug greets the morning at attention
And ties another perfect tie
Doug checks his wallet as his father guns the engine
And he knows that they’re precisely on time
And his mother shines his whistle
And then dabs away the clearasil
That Douglas spread on thick the night before
And she curses his employer
As she runs into the foyer
Just to watch her little man walk out the door

There is power in the uniform
There’s power in the hands
There is power in the things that come so hard
And she says everyone knows Elvis
Everyone knows God
And everyone knows Doug the crossing guard

Doug likes to keep the children waiting
All single file in the rain
Doug holds his hand out and the scouts all stop parading
And he knows that they would never complain
And his teachers come to see him
And his friends all want to be him
And the women melt completely in his gaze
And his mother brings him sandwiches
And talks up the advantages
Of bread that builds strong bodies seven ways

And he could have been a burger boy
He could have been on fries
Tossing taters with the losers and the lard
But everyone knows Buddah
And everyone knows Merv
Everyone knows Doug the crossing guard

And Doug could have his pick of the women
Hey Doug could have his pick of the men
Doug knows the benefits of public opinion
And he hopes that it’s a means to an end
Doug whistles for the underachievers
Doug whistles for the students who fail
Doug whistles for the principal who always believed
That Doug would wind up an accountant or in jail

And there are people you rely on
There are people you respect
There are people you can use and then discard
But everyone knows Judas
Everyone knows Sting
Everyone knows Doug the crossing guard

Doug comes home early Monday evening
And spends a moment with his pets
Doug hits the kitchen and his father sits there reading
And he knows that it’s as good as it gets
And his mother serves potato chips
And talks about their summer trips
While father dreams of cleaning up the yard
And they say everyone loves Jesus
Everyone knows Cher
Everyone knows Doug the crossing guard

Available on "20 Second of Pleasure" and Doug

The mother of the bride
Was feeling too depressed to drink
She wondered when the honeymoon would end
She stood there in the corner
And she watched her daughter shrink
Into her little wonderland of friends
And as she felt less queenly
She glowered rather meanly
And counted all the money they would spend

The mother of the bride
Was feeling paranoid and old
Her husband knew she wouldn’t want to dance
She knew she was expected to relinquish her control
And hand it to a boy in rented pants
And as she sat there smoking
She felt like she was choking
A victim of unhappy circumstance

Doug, Doug, Doug walks down the aisle
Doug, Doug, Doug is dressed so snappy
Doug, Doug, Doug lets out a smile
Doug, Doug, Doug looks almost happy

The mother of the bride
Was feeling purposely ignored
She hated when the other parents laughed
And even though the wine was not the best they could afford
She asked the waiter for a new carafe
And as she sat there reeling
(And slowly lost all feeling)
She drunkedly complained about the draft

Doug, Doug, Doug recites his credo
Doug, Doug, Doug feels armour-plated
Doug, Doug, Doug in his tuxedo
Doug, Doug, Doug feels like a waiter

Doug sees the flicker of a candle in the distanceAnd he wonders if the prayers will ever end
Doug knows the family’s there to offer their assistance
And he’s happy that so many could attend
Doug feels the decades pass
Doug feels at peace at last
Doug feels the pressure
As he wonders can he break the glass

The mother of the bride
Said she was ready to go home
Although her daughter hadn’t cut the cake
She offered up a bridal toast in perfect monotone
And said that it was all a big mistake
But when she looked behind her
The bridegroom would remind her
He’d had about as much as he could take

Doug, Doug, Doug’s a little tired
Doug, Doug, Doug heads to the carriage
Doug, Doug, Doug heads to the fire
Doug, Doug, Doug heads into marriage

Available on Doug

I am sliding down the bannister again
I am waiting for a lesson to be learned
I am skating down the hallway
I am writing on the walls
And I’m running with scissors

I am waiting for a voice to cut the air
The first and second steps have always creaked
And I didn’t really notice
That I didn’t wipe my shoes
And I’m lurking in shadows

Stuck between what’s good and what is good for me
I will always do what’s perfect for the family
And I’m picking off the fresh fruit from a dying tree
Gently

I am standing where the piano used to be
I am counting all the height lines by the door
I remember every scar
Where the pictures used to be
And I’m looking for someone

I am gonna put my eye out
I am gonna write in ink
I will leave the water running
On the dishes in the sink
There is nothing left to stop me
From leaving on this light
And I will close this door

I am sitting where the liars always sat
I am seeing from a very different view
I am talking while I’m chewing
With my elbows on the table
And I’m using your voices

Houses sound so different when you’re listening
Hard to hear it breathe without the arguing
Never really thought you might be leaving me
Empty

I am gonna sit on counters
I’ll be standing on the brink
I will stare into this light bulb
And I’m never gonna blink
There is no one supervising
I’m all alone tonight
And I will close this door forever

You said if I left food out
We’d be overrun with ants
But I don’t see a single ant or even worse an ant attack
And I’m not saying you were lying
But, again there are no ants
And all those years that I spent worrying ‘bout
the ants I won’t get back

I am visiting this resting place again
I am gathering the pieces
Under beds, behind the curtains
I am offering a blessing
I am chasing out the demons
I have entered without knocking
And I’m burying the hatchet

I am gonna talk to strangers
I am gonna smoke and drink
I will leap before I look
And I will speak before I think
There is no one here to show me
Wrong from right
And I will close this door,
That’s if I close this door,
I will close this door

Unreleased

Mother says I gotta wear the suit
Wear the woolen suit
And the matching jacket
Mother says I gotta wear the tie
Wear the clip on tie
And I know she’s right
Mother says I gotta take a lunch
Take a healthy lunch
And she helps me pack it
Mother says we gotta kiss goodbye
And I know that’s just polite

Mother says I gotta wear the coat
Wear the stupid coat
And I think it’s silly
Mother says I gotta wash my face
Really wash my face
And it’s not just talk
Mother says I gotta take the gloves
Take the birthday gloves
‘Cause it might get chilly
Mother says I gotta bundle up
If I want take that walk

(And she says) Doug you know I love you
Doug you know you’re good
Doug I know you know your way
Around this neighborhood
I’m only thinking of you
See how much you’ve grown
But Doug you’ll never go to town alone

Mother says I gotta know my name
Really know my name
Both the first and last ones
Mother says I gotta know my street
Know my stupid street
And the number too
Mother says I gotta stay on grass
Keep my feet on grass
And she pulled a fast one
Mother says that I can go to town
If I follow every rule

She says
Doug you know I love you
Doug you know you’re good
Doug if I could take away the pain
You know I would
I’m only thinking of you
See how much you’ve grown
But Doug you’ll never go to town alone

Don’t cross (don’t cross)
In the middle (in the middle)
In the middle, in the middle of the street
Don’t cross (don’t cross)
Don’t cross that street at all
Don’t talk (don’t talk)
I’ll be watching (I’ll be watching)
Don’t you talk to anybody that you meet
Don’t talk (don’t talk)
Don’t talk until I call

Mother says I gotta brush my teeth
Really brush my teeth
And I just don’t get it
Mother says I gotta take the dog
Take the stupid dog
Or a chaperone
Mother says I gotta be polite
Really be polite
Or I can just forget it
Mother says that I can go to town
But I think I’m staying home

Available on Doug

Look at the streets of the city all covered in snow
Passels of people with presents and places to go
Filling the sidewalks with carols and holiday cheer
Forgetting who makes it all possible year after year

Families flock to their friends for some fruitcake and fun
A fabulous, flavorful feast for their favorite Son
But back at the office there’s plenty of work to be done
And there’s only one person to count on
when everyone’s gone

Doug will be there whatever the means
Doug will be there to man the machines
Doug will be there to hold it together like glue
Doug’s dependable
Doug’s commendable
Doug’s determined to be there for you
Doug’s the man of the hour, the company Jew

Doug goes down to the 7-11 at ten
Perfectly proud to be working on Christmas again
Doug grabs a donut a lovingly loosens his belt
Yoo-hoos and Yodels with the last of the Chanukah gelt

Santa Claus smiles and ushers him into the store
Right to the Santa with nachos who smiles some more
Santa Claus bags up the goods for the Santa Claus clerk
So taxi-cab Santa can get Doug right back to his work

Doug will be there whatever the means
Steam the letters or clean the latrines
Doug will be there when nobody else can come through
Doug will make the pitch
Doug will throw the switch
Doug is one of the proud, brave and few
Doug is the man of the hour, the company Jew

And Mom’s in Miami with dozens of cousins and wives
Picking over the final remains of their lives
But there’s Kreploch and cake in the kitchen
and plenty of each
And a long list of numbers
in case she should have to be reached

Doug cracks the thermos and quietly fills up his glass
A toast to the masses amassed at their holiday mass
So remember the people like Doug when the service begins
Especially since you will need them
when Easter rolls in

Doug will be there whatever the means
Pack the programs or stack magazines
Doug’s so reliable, that’s undeniably true
Doug’s desirable
Unretirable
Who else can do the things Douglas can do?
Doug is alive with the power of the company Jew
Doug’s so sensible
Indispensable
Light the menorah, there’s thanks overdue
Doug is the man of the hour, the company Jew

Available on Just One Angel and Doug

Where’s my puppy, Where’s my puppy
Where’s my candy, where’s my sled
Where the hell’s my grandpa
Thought he’d be here by the bed
Now that I’m dead, really dead

Where’s my puppy, Where’s my puppy
Where’s my mother and my pets
Someone said there might be virgins
Everyone gets blondes and brunettes
And no regrets

I’ve always been a strong proponent of the marital vow
So please forgive me for a moment, I’m just thinking out loud
They say what happens in clouds, stays in the clouds

Where’s my puppy, Where’s my puppy
Where’s the guy with all the keys
I threw money after money
Don’t I get to meet the cheese

I did every little mitzvah that they said I should do
On the worst of days I said an extra barucha or two
You know I thought that I had turned into a pretty good Jew
What else is new?
What do I do?
Let’s hear some angels singing

Doug, this is a really special moment
Doug, this is the first day of the end of your life
I think that I could learn to be a little selfish
I’m looking forward to the bacon and the shellfish
Doug (Stop calling)
Doug (Stop calling)
Doug (La, La, La, I’m not listening)

Where’s my puppy, Where’s my puppy
Was the rabbi ever here
We had all those conversations
I made my intentions clear

I felt so confident that I had been professionally blessed
I thought I might have even felt the hand of God on my chest
(Where are those angels hiding)

Doug, this is what everybody yearns for
Doug, this is the last time you’ll be taking this trip
I thought Elijah might be there to ease the boredom
After all the manischewitz that we poured him

Doug (Stop calling)
Doug (Who’s calling)
La, La, La, La, La, La, La

I’m heading into the light
At least I think it’s the light
I really hope it’s the light
‘Cause I’m heading into it
I never wanted to fight
I tried to get to the light
But if there was heaven tonight
I haven’t been to it
I felt one hell of a spark
I heard a flutter so faint
If God was there in the dark
He doesn’t know his own strength

Where’s my puppy, Where’s my puppy
Is he upstate on the farm
Sue the doctors, sue the doctors
They’re supposed to do no harm

You know I thought that I might get a little peace at the end
I didn’t realize I would have to face my family again
(Those aren’t angels, are they?)

Doug, this is your early morning feeding
Doug, this is the last time we’ll be having this bath
I left the documents right there where they could see ‘em
You know that I could live without the carpe diem

Doug (Stop calling)
Doug (Stop calling)
Doug (La, La, La, La, La, La, La)<

Available on The Grim Parade

I set the thing in motion
I liked to watch it spin
And now and then I added an amino
I filled it up with ocean
And sprinkled something in
And suddenly there’s Barney, Fred, and Dino
There never was a recipe
That seemed like such a waste
I started it organically
At least, organic-based
You take a bunch of proteins
And you season it to taste

I set the thing in motion
But then I had to quit
I thought that I had heard my mother calling
I never had the notion
A single cell could split
Imagine my surprise to see you crawling
With only three dimensions
Some fruit trees and some snakes
I had no real intentions
I guess that them’s the breaks
I didn’t pay attention
Hell, we all make mistakes

There is nothing up here waiting
In this still and perfect air
No beautiful horizon
That I might want to share
I left you fire and free will
From the moment of your birth
I only gave you heaven on earth

I set the thing in motion
And might have got it wrong
I should have made the whole thing out of playdough
‘Cause there’s always such commotion
When someone comes along
And thinks they see my face in a potato
I always kept my distance
I never shared my views
Even my existence
Was not the front page news
Well, maybe just a couple times
I kibbitzed with the jews

There is not a cloud to stand upon
No dog or fish in sight
No supergroup of superstars
Jamming through the night
I left you greener pastures
And you sent back astroturf
I only gave you heaven on earth

You had orange, yellow orange, orange yellow
You had lemon, goldenrod, and tangerine
From mandarin, to cantaloupe, to pumpkin
With every other melon in between
Still, with all those things at your disposal
And intelligent, or really smart, designs
A billion folks with nothing on their minds
Never learned to draw outside the lines

There is no one watching over you
You’re fat because you’re fat
No ever, ever, ever after
Where’s the fun in that
I left you no distractions
And nothing’s what it’s worth
I only gave you one thing
(At least I gave you something)
I only gave you heaven on earth

Available on The Grim Parade

I will never be the man you always dreamed of
I will never be the man I thought I’d be
I may never have that spark
Or ever leave my mark
I will never have a place in history

I may never have a sense of satisfaction
I may never get a glimpse of something great
I would never try to be
A man of destiny
I would never want to tempt that fate

I will never be your prince
It will be years of second guessing
I could never work that hard to win
I will never be invincible
Though that might be a blessing
I could never handle such thick skin

I will never say that love can last forever
I have never seen a love that stayed around
And though I’ll never be the one
You dreamed when you were young
I could never be the one to let you down
I would never want to make
...Make that same mistake
I will never let you down

Available on Primal Urges

I am standing by this tower
I am ready for the light
They will hear my work in Charlestown
Should the British ride tonight
And all this waiting makes me tired
But the whiskey keeps me warm
And a sip or two will calm me
Just before the British storm

And it’s one if by land
Two if by sea
How many people
Are counting on me
One if by land
Two if by sea
Lamps for the Sons of Liberty

I’ve been waiting here for hours
How I wish my horse was here
They can take away my saddle
But they’ll never get my beer
I don’t know if they are coming
I don’t hear the sound of feet
And I could just as easily spot them
From the tavern down the street

And it’s one if by land
Two if by sea
Three if they’re coming
By some other means
If they come through the marsh
Is that water or earth
How many lamps is that worth

So I’ll make my way to Medford
And I’ll try to keep it down
But I don’t realize when I’m shouting
‘Til I wake the whole damn town
If I’m no good at keepng secrets
You can blame it on the brew
But if they jail my ass in Concord
Someone else will make it through

And it’s one if by land
Two if by sea
Three if they’re coming
By some other means
Four if it’s hopeless
Five if they’re late
Six if they’re making us wait

I will row across the river
I will plot the perfect course
I will take some grapes to snack on
And some oats for Larkin’s horse
I have memorized the shortcuts
That has been my claim to fame
‘Cause once a map’s unfolded
It is never quite the same

I am sleeping in the stable
I can hardly feel my skin
If Ben Franklin would invent it
I could use some aspirin
And I don’t believe I made it
Though I think I’m not alone
If I start to spin this story
Someday I’ll be in a poem

Available on Primal Urges

Come home late, work all day
Woman on the table
Cups and plates pushed away
Woman on the table
Don’t know how it coulda come to pass
Still as stone in a box of glass
Gotta wonder if it’s gonna last
Woman on the table

No one here knows her name
Woman on the table
Don’t know why or when she came
Woman on the table
Don’t know if she is a wicked witch
Ain’t a thing thats gonna make us rich
Doc says he never even seen her twitch
Woman on the table

Oh, Oh, Oh
Oh, Oh, Oh
Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho
Heigh Ho

Come home late, what you see
Woman on the table
Kind of strange scenery
Woman on the table
How we ever ’sposed to fold our clothes
Sit and wait for her to decompose
Gotta break at least a hundred codes
Woman on the table

Oh, Oh, Oh
Oh, Oh, Oh
Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho
Heigh Ho

You try so hard to make a house a home
A place that seven men can live alone
Everybody gets a chair and bed
Tryn’ to minimize the overhead
Where the hell are we supposed to dine
When the table’s got a princess shrine
How ya gonna sing a happy tune
When there’s a coffin in the living room

Better keep that candle lit
Woman on the table
Might not get used to it
Woman on the table
Skin like powder such a scary sight
Hair so black but her face so white
No one gettin’ any sleep tonight
Woman on the table

Heigh Ho
Heigh Ho
Heigh Ho

Unreleased

A political singer
With nothing to say
Decided to sing for us anyway
He was tired and tusseled
He was quick with a cause
And he got lost in his alliteration

Now this political singer
(Who was fashionably gay)
Was rapidly chasing the folks away
So I decided to make him
My song of the day
Which shows you how much I have to say

Nothing to say
Nothing to say
Nothing to say
Both of us have nothing to say

Available on I Am Joe's Eyes

Mom found dad without a penny
Fell in love and went to Indiana
Where they had five kids, no money
They were poor but not unhappy
Still the bills kept coming
Both went grey - together

Grandma says make sure he’s Jewish
Gentile men they beat you and
They drink too much and gamble
Listen to me ‘cause I'm old
I know you’ll perish if you break your faith
And have no money

Find an enterprising young man
A doctor, lawyer or a businessman
Make sure he has money if he doesn't
You'll die hungry in bed with him
With only what you were born with
So find an enterprising young man

So I searched each day but all I found
Were struggling young men
Poor like I was. very understanding
Never beat me unless I asked them to
Alcohol was fun together
And yes dear Mom this morning
When I woke up the only thing I had
Was what you gave me at birth

Find an enterprising young man
A doctor, lawyer or a businessman
Make sure he has money if he doesn't
You'll die hungry in bed with him
With only what you were born with
So find an enterprising young man

Only what you gave me - at birth

Words: Arni Adler | Music: Arni Adler/Andrew Ratshin
Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

An old Jewish woman, who had been very observant and faithful her entire life, lay on her death-bed surrounded by her family. Feeling her time was approaching, she called for the rabbi who, as he came close to hear her whispered last wishes, was surprised to see the beads around her neck. “Golde”, the rabbi cried out. “Why are you wearing a rosary?” The old woman looked up at the rabbi and sighed: “What if they’re right?”

I’ve had religion all my life
And now that life is gone
I’m face to face into the light
And I guess I’m moving on
Just an ordinary life
An ordinary soul

I’ll miss the mornings with my wife
The nights we spent alone
All those perfect little fights
In our perfect little home
Just an ordinary wife
I will miss her growing old

Thank you for the flowers
They were just the perfect touch
And I’m sorry for the phone calls
Have they hurt you very much
Keep an eye out on my mother
This is sure to take its toll

I’ve had religion come and go
But kept it in my heart
And if that heart was beating slow
Well, at least it played a part
Just an ordinary heart
Didn’t have the fight

And I’ve tried to practice what I preach
But only preach a bit
And if that light is out of reach
Well, I guess I’ll handle it
Just an ordinary light
We never kissed good-bye

Could I ask you for a favor
Even though it’s not our way
Sing a psalm or light a candle
Say a prayer for me today
Just in case I wasn’t chosen
And the Catholics were right

I’ve kept religion in its place
So hard and resolute
I see you’ve found the perfect space
And you found my favorite suit
Just an ordinary place
Can I watch you breathe?

All those notches on the belt
Those diets on display
I took a pill or two myself
And I’m here now anyway
Just an ordinary day
Do you have to leave?

Keep it singular and simple
With nothing underneath
And let my epitaph be something
That my children will receive
Here lies a man who will believe
When it’s convenient to believe

Available on Lounging in the Belly of the Beast and Doug

I can see you've gotten used to disappointment
Maybe that's the smartest thing you've done
Every family has disappointing children
You're the one
And I see you like a doggy in the window
Your eyes grow wide with every passing car
I thought you would avoid these situations
But here you are

So the family digs deeper
'Cause you take it on the chin
Is there anything that's sweeter
Then when skin is really thin
And this love that keeps on giving
Burrows down and settles in

You can sit and watch them volleying for hours
But your silence doesn’t really keep the peace
Don’t you realize that the one who squeals the loudest
Gets release
And I think you’ve lost your craving for transition
What you were before will always shine right through
You were born to play this permanent position
Lucky you

You have sanctified this dinner
You have studied this disease
And they pass around the insults
Like they pass around the peas
But you seem to find some pleasure
In this dying by degrees
And they aim to please

So it's a new night, same old story
New drink, right before we
Sift through the allegory
Another pound of flesh released
One prayer for every sinner
In where the air gets thinner
All's fair in love and dinner
Let's keep the bandage fresh at least
To calm the beast
And join the feast
The family feast

Now I know you really want a second helping
It’s the pain we bring that makes us feel alive
So you’ll sit and make the same mistakes forever
And you’ll survive

Every family is different
Every family's the same
Every family's unhappy
In their own peculiar way
And your family tomorrow
Is your family today
And so you stay
You always stay

Available on The Family Feast

For a pork chop and a malt
For a cheese dog and a can of orange crush
For a host of smiling faces
For a smoking swollen waitress you can trust
Where kids burp out their orders
And they armpit-fart for quarters
And parents curse them underneath their breaths
A place where corn fed cattle meet their deaths

Where you take what you can get
Where you close your eyes, you pinch your nose and pray
Where the meat on plastic dishes
Looks as sav'ry and nutritious as the tray
A time for I-love-you-ing
And give thanks for what you're chewing
We never place an order for ourselves
The waitress serves up something for our health

At the restaurant, The Family Restaurant
Home is never really very far
You find yourself among the salad bar
At the restaurant, The Family Restaurant
A chance to understand your history
Where Beef is King, Mom's Queen, And Kids Go Free

While the muzak sets the mood
Mother sings along with Mitch or Mancini
While the waitress draws on eyebrows
In the places where she thinks they used to be
Where the subtlety's not tasted
And a lot of words are wasted
And the waitress let her hairdo go to far
While the dog is quickly cooking in the car

At the restaurant, The Family Restaurant
People say exactly what they mean
Living in a sunset magazine
At the restaurant, the Family Restaurant
A place that uses Mother's recipe
Where Beef is King, Mom's Queen, And Kids Go Free

Velveta
It's on everything that you can buy
It's Velveta
It's the spam of the cheeses, It's sure to appease
It's Velveta
Just the name brings the tears to my eyes
It's Velveta
It's like cheese with a perfect disguise

For a cobbler and a tart
For a sherbet that the waitress recommends
For a Shirley-temple toast
To the chefs we like to think of as our friends
Filled with nausea and the knowledge
That there's money left for college
For the price what more could any family want
We'll be faithful to our family restaurant

At the restaurant, The Family Restaurant
A place to find out what your family thinks
Among the pork and beans and wienie winks
At the restaurant, the Family Restaurant
A place to learn about your history
Where Beef is King, Mom's Queen, And Kids Go Free

Words: Arni Adler | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on Boys Want Sex in the Morning and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

Skinny boys got nothin’
To lean against in bed
Bony arms and shoulders
Only bruise my head
And when they try to wrestle me
I beat them pound for pound
Skinny boys got nothing
To wrap your arms around

Skinny boys got visions
Of god-like qualities
But every time I greet one
There’s nothing there to squeeze
All that wasted effort
All that vanity
Skinny boys got visions
Of immortality

Something ‘bout those muscle bound boys
Practicing their clean and jerk
Oiling up their bodies for the shine
Never liked those tan and lean boys
Too much pressure, too much work
Looking in the mirror for a sign
I just want a baby-fat boy
Double sized and double chinned
Belly big and pillow to my brain
I just want a spacious lap boy
Jump right on and sink right in
Loving handles driving me insane

All of that extra weight
All of that extra muscle to play with
Gives me another reason to stay
With the fat boys, fat boys
Everyone cleans the plate
Truly inspired the last of us lingers
To sit by the fire and lick off the fingers
Of the fat boys, fat boys

Skinny boys are losers
Who seem to try too hard
But every time they talk to me
They won’t let down their guard
All that blind devotion
All the foolish pride
Skinny boys are losers
With no place left to hide

I don’t want no squeaky clean boys
So repressed and so refined
Walking like their feet don’t touch the ground
I don’t want no Mama’s best boy
Undeveloped, undefined
Waiting for his chance to be profound
I just want an overgrown boy
Unconditioned, unrehearsed
Fleshy body waiting for the squeeze
Overweight and overblown boys
Whet my whistle, quench my thirst
Chubby cheeks just drop me to my knees

All of that extra skin
All of that extra stuffing to yearn for
Gives me another reason to burn
For the fat boys, fat boys
Everyone wants to sin
Truly discerning the last of us hovers
To turn up the music and turn down the covers
With the fat boys, fat boys

Fat boys so massive
And fat boys so sweet
Fat boys to fondle and bite
Fat boys to feed me
Whenever we meet
Fat boys to turn out the light
Fat boys so ample
To sample and hold
Fat boys to brighten my day
Fat boys so grand
To manhandle and mold
Fat boys to steal me away

All of the extra cheek
All of that extra cargo to carry
Gives me another reason
To marry the fat boys, fat boys
Everyone takes a peak
Truly determined we go through the paces
We’re puffing our chests
And we’re stuffing our faces
For the fat boys, fat boys

Available on A Lonely Grain of Corn, Boys Want Sex in the Morning, and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

So you came in two by two
‘Cause that’s what you were told
And you hung out up on deck
‘Cause it smelled down in the hold
What you gonna do?
What you gonna do when it’s up to you?
So it rained for forty days
And forty nights complete
But you had a lot of time to kill
And plenty there to eat
What you gonna do?
What you gonna do when it’s up to you?

You had 15 minutes of fame
Only 15 minutes of fame
Only 15 minutes and you blew it all the same
You had 15 minutes of fame

They came to you at night
And they shared a little wine
Said “if you ever thought of moving out
Then this might be the time”
What you gonna do?
What you gonna do when it’s up to you?
So you rounded up the kids
And you emptied out the vault
And you headed out with something sweet
Who ended up as salt
What you gonna do?
What you gonna do when it’s up to you?

You had 15 minutes of fame
Only 15 minutes of fame
Only 15 minutes and you blew it all the same
You had 15 minutes of fame

And I heard you told the teacher
‘bout the miracle child
Said he was turning all the milk into wine
But your teacher got so tired
Of your terrible whining
That she put you at the end of the line
So the little boy messiah
Turned his cheek to his friend
Said there’s a lesson that you really should learn
If you’re gonna get bought
And you’re gonna get caught
Then I’m afraid that you’re going to burn

So you parted the Red Sea
‘Cause that’s where you were heading
And it was such a lovely afternoon
But such a boring setting
What you gonna do?
What you gonna do when it’s up to you?
So you thought that you were free
But tell me what you proved
A thousand years have passed
And you’re still tired from the move
What you gonna do?

Available on Lounging in the Belly of the Beast

The fish is in the freezer
We’re waitin’ for the ground to thaw
The fish is in the freezer
We’re waitin’ for the ground to thaw
Morning in December
The coldest day I ever saw

The fish is up in heaven
At least, that’s what my mother said
The fish is up in heaven
At least, that’s what my mother said
There used to be another
But every fish I owned is dead

Oh there’s a place I know
Where all the dead fish go
Out in the fertile ground
Where all the cats hang out

The fish once had a brother
Boy fish are the first to go
The fish once had a brother
Boy fish are the first to go
We buried him in summer
No one said I told you so

Oh if I just knew why
All of the good ones die
The soul of the family
Falls from the family tree
Falling away from me

The fish is in the freezer
I promised that I wouldn’t cry
The fish is in the freezer
I promised that I wouldn’t cry
The coldest day of Winter
I never got to say goodbye

Available on The Grim Parade

Flesh against flesh
Bodies that shiver
Make me surrender
‘Til the night meets the day
Make me confess
With lips that still quiver
Make me remember
Make me carried away

Turn out the lights
Draw all the curtains
Tear me to pieces
‘Til I can’t take no more
Fingers so tight
Bodies so certain
Follow the crease
‘Cause you’ve been there before

Take me to dinner
Take me to town
Take me to heaven
Lift my feet off the ground
Like a moth in the darkness
Being drawn to the light
You’d be nice to come home to
On a cold winter’s night

Sheets that still cling
Bodies that linger
Don’t move a muscle
‘Cause it’s almost like pain
Don’t say a thing
Don’t lift a finger
Every new motion
Starts it over again

Make me an offer
Make me perspire
Make me a martyr
Make me burn with desire
I won’t put on the airs
And I won’t put up a fight
‘Cause uou’d be nice to come home to
On a cold winter’s night

We can shut out the noises
We can shut ourselves in
Just the sound of our voices
Just the feel of the skin
If the spirit is willing
But the body is weak
You can take me to bed
We’ll make our own kind of heat

Shake out the sheets
Take out the laundry
Break out the glasses
And we’ll make out ok
Take to the streets
Take to the country
Take me tonight
And we’ll get carried away

Wake with music
Wake me with wine
Wake me tomorrow
Make me know that you’re wine
I’ll be there in the morning
With a strong appetite
‘Cause You’d be nice to come home to
On a cold winter’s night
Like a moth in the darkness
Being drawn to the light
You’d be nice to come home to
On a cold winter’s night

Available on "20 Second of Pleasure"

Take and E chord
Then an A chord
Then an E chord
Then a B (with a seventh)
Take an E chord
Then an A chord
E’s a very
Special key

If an E chord’s
Used with caring
It can lead towards
Something rare
‘Cause an E chord’s
Never daring
No an E chord’s
Always fair

Leave the writing to the writers
Leave the singing To the ones who can sing
Leave the fighting to the fighters
Put a pad lock on the old six string

Take an E chord
Played with feeling
That’s an E chord
Filled with pride
‘Cause an E chord’s
Not revealing
And the E chords
Never hide

Please don’t sing. Please don’t sing
Please don’t sing another folk song
I’ve heard them all before
You’ve heard them all before

If your part is
On the keyboard
Then the E chord’s
A special sound
And when your start is
With an E chord
Then the E chord
Comes around

Leave the strumming to the strumming
Leave the sing-alongs
For those with no shame
Could the folks be any dumber
Can’t they see that they’re the ones to blame

Please don’t sing, Please don’t sing
Please don’t sing another folk song
They sound the same to me
They’ll sound the same to you

If a C chord starts the chorus
Could a G be far behind
If an F chord doesn’t bore us
Need the G be redefined
See a G chord is frustration
When the F chord intervenes
But a D chord’s modulation
Is the best chord we have seen

Take and E chord
Then an A chord
Then an E chord
Then a B (with a seventh)
It’s the E chord
And the A chord
That makes E
A special key

Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

All of the women in the front row
Think that my songs are for them somehow
Beautiful women in the front row
I’m married
I’m really married
I’m really married now

All of the women in the audience
Think I can see them within the crowd
Beautiful women in the darkness
I’m married
I’m really married
I’m really married now

Beautiful women I see on the sidewalk
I’m not really looking at you today
You stay on your side, I’ll stay on my side
I’m minding my business and on my way

All of the women on the planet
Think that I’m taking an extra bow
Beautiful women I am what I am
And I’m married
I’m really married
And I have children now

Available on 20 Seconds of Pleasure

Four out of five cats hate me
Three out of five like to hiss
Two of them watch from the railing
Like there’s something they don’t want to miss
One of them acts like a lookout
While one of them signals “all clear”
Four out of five cats are waiting
The fifth cat has yet to appear

Four out of five cats are nervous
‘Cause two of them made it inside
And one of the four has been neutered
(He’s only along for the ride)
One of the cats from the alley
Has stared through my window for weeks
The fifth cat looks something like Brando
And meows like there’s stuff in his cheeks

Were you really ever kittens
Were you really ever cute
Did you tame the town like tigers
In your cuddly kitten suit
Should I sleep with one eye open
Should I wonder how you strayed
How many lives must a kitty take
‘Fore a kitty cat is made

Four out of five cats have collars
They must be in some sort of club
And one of them’s missing his dew claws
I’m guessing he crossed the wrong cub
Brando cat slowly approaches
I’m trying my best to play dead
Fourth cat can’t wait ‘til the morning
When I wake with sardines in my bed

Were you really ever kittens
Were you really ever cute
Were you dancing through the dog days
With the hounds in hot pursuit
Should I cower in the corner
With the guinea pigs and guilt
Are you waltzing with the wiseguys
While the band plays where’s the milk

What are you gonna do now, now, now, now, now
Now that you’ve gotten so sloppy
‘Cause all night long it’s meow, meow, meow, meow
You must be feeling the heat
Which one of us’ll go down, down, down, down, down
Which one’s the capo di capi
You found your way out some how, how, how, how, how
You should be bowing . . . bow-bow-bow-bowing to me
‘Cause I’m the one with the key

Were you really ever kittens (I got the meow mix with me)
Were you really ever cute (Look through the window and see)
Did you waste your trace of freedom (I got the catnip with me)
Did you taste forbidden fruit . . . she’s got the key
Should I pity the poor pussy cat
Who got caught out in the rain
Was there really something stirring
In that tiny kitty brain

Four out of five cats hate me
Three out of five take a nap
Two of them wander the alley
As they look for a whole different lap

Unreleased

Moments like these I forget I’m a delicate flower
Challenged by choices and charged by the pound or the hour
How many people will stand in my way
Don't want to keep any demons at bay
Life's not fine dining it's more just an endless buffet
And I love a buffet

Sometime I feel like I’m wasting away by the minute
I see the mirror but don’t really think that’s me in it
Don't wanna play with the hand that I'm dealt
Best way to handle those feelings I felt
Is to tighten my grip and to loosen my belt
Waiting in line
Reading the sign

It said all you can eat
So I ate all that I could
I really don’t remember seeing a warning
Now I fill out my clothes
Because I filled up my hole
And I’ll be testing my blood in the morning
I saw my life go flashing by on a plate
I think it might have been too little, too late
Maybe it was something I ate
‘Cause now I can’t find my feet
But it said all you can eat

Now and again I’m aware that I might be complaining
Faced with a face and a body that’s waxing and waning
I know what’s learned and what’s bred in the bones
All the concern with the bread and the scones
Nobody sees the less flattering zones
And I’m pushing down what I feel
To get a happier meal

The sign said all you can eat
So I ate all that I could
Although I pushed all the greens to the corners
And now I have to admit
That I’m a long way from fit
And I’ve been making a list of the mourners
Every smorgasbord is the same
And you know I ain’t annoyed or ashamed
But there’s a barbeque that’s calling my name
And I can hear the mesquite
It’s saying all you can eat

And my extremities are starting to tingle
I can feel it in my finger and toes
Everybody here appears to be single
And they’re letting out clothes
So my complexion is increasingly pallid
And I should be coming up for some air
But there was bacon between me and the salad
Over there, Is that fair

It said all you can eat
So I ate all that I could
And I’m afraid I never counted the dishes
And now I’m saying a prayer
To the enabler up there
But I’m craving the loaves and the fishes
And they say chicken soup is good for the soul
And they say keep the diet under control
But there was chocolate overflowing a bowl
A waterfall of defeat
And I just couldn’t retreat
You know it really looked sweet
And it said all you can eat

Unreleased

Go to sleep
Darling, go to sleep
Now that the nightinggale’s down for the night
Now that the Angels have all taken flight
This is a good time to turn off the light
Go to sleep

Go to sleep
Sweetheart, go to sleep
Now that the songbird has finished its tune
Now that the Angels have circled the moon
I’ve got some cash if you go to sleep soon
Go to sleep

We’ve said goodnight to the room and the chairs
A quiet old lady is yawning
Two little kittens and three little bears
All have to work in the morning

Go to sleep
Honey, go to sleep
Now that the owl has eaten its prey
Now that the Angels have all flown away
Let’s pray for an end to a really long day
Go to sleep

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Go to sleep
Really, go to sleep
Now that the piper has piped it’s last peep
Now that the Angels have started to weep
I’m out of patience and you’re out of sheep
Go to sleep

It’s time for bed, little bee, little bee
Both of your eyes should be shuttin’
Brown Bear, oh Brown Bear, oh what do you see
I see a child who’s pushing my buttons

Go to sleep
Seriously, go to sleep
Now that the flickers are all flying south
Now that the Angels are all full of doubt
We’ll play a game I call “shutting your mouth”
Go to sleep

We’ve gone to the bathroom we’ve had a time out
We’ve argued until I turned blue
Your favorite board book is all but worn out
I’m more than a little worn too
You can fly like a bird you can swim like a trout
‘Cause you know that I’ll be there for you
But if you’re still awake when I turn this light out
That runaway bunny is stew

Go to sleep
Come on, go to sleep
Now that the early bird’s here to begin
The Angels are drowning their sorrows in gin
This is a battle that I want to win
Go to sleep
When will the Benedryl start kicking in
Go to sleep

Unreleased

And so the years went on and on
Another cat another dog
Another marker on a lawn that’s getting crowded
We changed the paper, cleaned the bowl
We kept it warm, we kept it cold
We did whatever we were told, no doubt about it

So we found the perfect name
And we taught them all to stay
The way we got them to obey was simply stunning
We learned to love their little songs
We taught them all to run along
If they had learned to run away they’d still be running
We were picture perfect people to come home to
We were loving and we loved them all to death

You shoulda crawled
You shoulda run
You should’ve flown
You shoulda swum
You shouldda seen when you came in
We were the killin’ kind of kin
This is where the end of you begins

So it all begins again
The wagging tails and floating fins
Pairs of claws and every paw they ever had
A grim parade of cat and mouse
Moving through our little house
Birds of feathers, balls of fur from mom and dad
If they had only kept the color they came in with
Not as peaceful or as pale as when they left

You should’ve fled
You should squirmed
You shoulda climbed
You shoulda wormed
You shoulda seen when you came in
It was a bline to the bin
This is where the end of you begins

There were pets we never loved
Who kept on breathing anyway
We left them high, we left them dry,
They wouldn’t die
But the ones we raised like children,
That we clung to every day
The dropped like flies

You shoulda begged untainted meat
You shoulda shaken off those chains
You shoulda rolled out of the street
You shoulda stayed away from trains
You should seen when you came in
Or when we named you Anne Boleyn
That though our love was genuine
This was no place for Rin Tin Tin
This is where it ends...
To make it through the thick and thin
You shoulda had some thicker skin
This is where the end of you begins

Words: Arni Adler/Andrew Ratshin | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on The Grim Parade

He passed the tower when he heard her whine
She lowered her hair down so he made the climb
She pulled him quickly to her favorite corner
Where the air was sickly and the night was warmer
She knew from the start
She’d have to break his heart
He wouldn’t know what hit him
If the room stayed dark

Now people told him don’t you go up there
You’ll get a legal tangle and a mess of hair
But he started swimming towards the siren’s calling
As the lights were dimming and the hair was falling
She knew from his face
She’d have to feel the rage
He wouldn’t know what hit him
’Til she told her age

Guardian Angel of the Disney Channel
Turned a ring of fire into a ring of flannel
She was all grown up then she was sweet sixteen
And nothing lasts forever
Nothing lasts forever but the dream

Well the palace tabloid had it all confused
But the king was angry when he read the news
The prince was guilty ‘cause he’d spoiled the fable
When he shocked the kingdom
When he robbed the cradle
He knew from the first
That she could quench his thirst
He didn’t know what hit him
When the bubble burst

Guardian Angel of the children’s hour
Made a Shirley Temple from a Whisky Sour
She was more the woman than he’d ever seen
But nothing lasts forever
Nothing lasts forever but the dream

She let her hair down ’til her father caught her
With her cigarillo and her scotch and water
With the fading values that her mother taught her
And a prince all wrapped
Around his youngest daughter

Oh Guardian Angel of the fading glory
First it’s statuesque and then it’s statutory
First it’s sleight of hand and then it’s might have been
And nothing lasts forever
Nothing lasts forever but the dream

Available on But I'm Happy Now

Half of the people in the world
Think that their God
Can take your God
Two out of three times
Or three out of five
And half of these half of the people in the world
Will discover
That they’re wrong

And half of the people in the world
Think that their God
Is a sports fan
Roots for the home team
And only the home team
And half of the half of the people in the world
Thinks that fumbles
Are a sign from above

Half of the people in the world
Know they’re going straight to heaven
With all of their pets and with no questions asked
But half of the people in the world
Would make heaven really crowded
Which is not really heavenly is it?
Not a heaven that one wants to visit
Kinda like Gideon
You know, that planet in Star Trek
‘Cept without a transporter
And no hope of disease

Half of the people in the world
Think that their God
Will come save them
From all of the flooding
That’s if there is flooding
‘Though he might be busy
And he made the flood
And half of the half of those people in the world
Should be learning
How to swim

Available on The Grim Parade

Juliet was waiting
Romeo was late as usual
And Juliet was worried that someone had found him
She knew he’d make it there somehow
But wondered where for art he now*
That everything was falling down around them
Maybe beyond the castle walls
Maybe another lover calls
Maybe he’s wandering the halls
Or doesn’t love her after all

Juliet worked hard to keep her Romeo in hiding
‘Cause she knew if they were caught
She couldn’t lie about him
Who knew she carried such a torch
That when he show up on the porch
She said she thought that she would die without him
Maybe he worried when she said
Maybe they’d both be better dead
Maybe they’d find a place to wed
Maybe they’d find them there in bed

Seems like a happy ending
Must be a happy ending
Here is a happy ending
This is as happy as it gets
Looks like a happy ending
Must be a happy ending
This is a happy ending
For Romeo and Juliet

Juliet was lucky
‘Cause she never had a phone that didn’t ring
Never went searching for the land o’ plenty
Romeo was really quite the catch
If heaven ever made a match
That is the one that I would likely envy
Maybe a lover comes along
Maybe in story or in song
Maybe the heart is really strong
A million lemmings can’t be wrong

Seems like a happy ending
Must be a happy ending
Here is a happy ending
This is as happy as it gets
Looks like a happy ending
Must be a happy ending
This is a happy ending
For Romeo and Juliet

You know you really should have seen them
Capulet and Montague
And so their parents came between them
Isn’t that what parents do?
I wonder if I could have been there
I wonder where the passion ends
Can love be even simpler yet
Than Romeo and Juliet
What’s a little death among friends?

Juliet was dying
Romeo was there beside her
Just exactly as he’d promised on the balcony
She knew it happened pretty fast
That they had found their peace at last
But couldn’t overlook the irony
Some people know with just a look
Their lives will end up storybook
They knew exactly what it took
The moment Romeo was hooked

Seems like a happy ending
Must be a happy ending
Here is a happy ending
This is as happy as it gets
Looks like a happy ending
Must be a happy ending
This is a happy ending
For Romeo and Juliet

*Yes...I know it means why!

Available on Lounging in the Belly of the Beast and Primal Urges

He said he knew just what was best for me
He told me things I didn’t know
He said he wouldn’t ever pressure me
Said he wouldn’t ever go

He said he wanted to be close to me
He never really left my side
He said he wanted to propose to me
But he never found the time

Watching TV and reading papers
Always thinking of a plan
Something for an honest man
To do with his days
He had his ways

He said he’d love me for eternity
He said he’d never let me down
He told me that he’d always turn to me
That he’d always be around

And he, he must have been a genius
He told me so himself
Every morning at the breakfast table
Doing crosswords in his sleep
Every evening in the dark
Making love with open eyes

He wrote a letter to my family
He said he’d never make me cry
He said he’d give me immortality
And he never said good bye

And he, he must have been a genius
He told me so himself
Every morning at the breakfast table
Doing crosswords in his sleep
Every evening in the dark
Making love with open eyes

And he, he could have been a genius
I told him that myself
In the morning when he looked so frightened
And he couldn’t shake the sleep
Every evening in the dark
I forget to close my eyes

Available on A Lonely Grain of Corn and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

I’ll wait forever
If you give me your smile
I’m holding on to a dream
I know I’m acting
Like a juvenile
It seems I’m always taking things
To the extreme
I’ve got a heartache
I’ve got a heartache

I’m always waiting
For some love to arrive
I only want my fair share
But I try so hard
To keep some damn thing alive
I never seem to notice
That there’s nobody there
I’ve got a heartache
I’ve got a heartache

I don’t want to fall in love again this time
I don’t want to be a victim
Of your victimless crime
I don’t want to go emotional dancing
With someone who’s going to find
Another man for romancing
I don’t want to go and put my love on the line
For someone who will never be mine

I think I’m heading for
A terrible fall
I’m spinning out of control
Your words of wisdom
Have meant nothing at all
And all that sound advice
Still leaves me out in the cold
I’ve got a heartache
I’ve got a heartache

Available on Boys Want Sex in the Morning and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

How hard is love
After all this time
I can feel you breathe
You know how I feel
Maybe this is all
All that love should be
How hard is love

How hard is love
Resting side by side
Hand in hand we wait
Time can move so slow
Maybe time will show
What we’ll always be
How hard is love

Once we were alone
Now we never part
Even when we part
We are not apart
Once you held my hand
Now you hold my heart

How hard is love
Watching as you dream
I can hear your thoughts
Time is standing still
Maybe time is all
All we really need
How hard is love

Once we were alone
Now we never part
Even when we part
We are not apart
Once you held my hand
Now you hold my heart

How hard is love
People come and go
Watch them as they fade
You will still be here
Always in my reach
Easier than air
How hard is love

Available on Primal Urges

It was the heart
Without the passion
With all the veins and nerves
And blood without the heat
It was the heart
Without the burden
And it would pump the pages full of life
Still never beat

It was the lung
Without the power
And it was split apart
So all could watch it breathe
It was the lung
Without the air flow
And it would shine with all the tired tissue underneath

It’s all so cold
It’s only pieces
Goes just as far as eyes can see

It was the tongue
Without the flavor
Without the moisture or the texture
Without taste
It was the brain
Without the memory
And you could chart it like a world
And still no thoughts embrace

They’re not the whole
They’re just the pieces
They come together or they never mean a thing
There’s no control
There’s only pieces
What good are pieces
How can you fill the empty shells
Without the colors and the smells

I am Joe’s eyes
Between the vision and the light
I am Joe’s eyes
Between the image and the sight
I am Joe’s eyes
I see the paper wearing thin
I’m on the inside looking in
I hate the compromise
I am Joe’s eyes
It was the skin
Without the tension
And all the layers folded back
So all could see
It was the face
Without dimension
And it was split apart to view
In perfect symmetry

There’s just no soul
There’s only pieces
What good are pieces
How can you fill them full of breath
Without the danger and the death

I am Joe’s eyes
Between the vision and the view
I am Joe’s eyes
Between the image and the hue
I am Joe’s eyes
I see the faces all confused
I watch the parts that aren’t used
I always agonize
I am Joe’s eyes

All the fingers
All the muscles
All the tendons
All the cells
All the vessels
All the membranes
All the marrow
All the bones

I am Joe’s eyes
Between the vision and fact
I am Joe’s eyes
Between the image and the act
I am Joe’s eyes
I see the brevity of truth
I watch the restlessness of youth
They’ve been desensitized
I am Joe’s eyes

Available on I Am Joe's Eyes and Primal Urges

The ties get wider
The pants get tight
I look inside but the memory stalls
The shirts get brighter
The pants turn white
It’s almost winter Miami calls

The belts get bigger
As does the waist
I never figured on being this vast
Look in the mirror
That’s not my face
It’s happened so hard and so fast

And I, I, I.....I am my dad
Yes I, I, I.....I am my dad

The eyes get weaker
The cheeks get pink
The hair gets thinner, what hair still remains
I can’t wear sneakers
I start to shrink
The ground gets closer with every day

And I, I, I.....I am my dad
Yes I, I, I.....I am my dad

Though the signs may seem blurry
When out on the highway
Don’t tell me I’m legally blind
There’s no need to worry
We’ll make it through my way
We’ll straddle that dotted white line

The pulse gets quicker
The ankles creak
I grab my slippers when I have to run
The blood gets thicker
The bladder’s weak
It’s passed on from father to son

And I, I, I.....I am my dad
Yes I, I, I.....I am my dad

Available on But I'm Happy Now and Primal Urges

Life passing by
Staring up at the sky
In a corn field as high as an elephant’s eye
Though I don’t know why an elephant might be in Iowa

I don’t recall
Ever feeling this small
Eye on the ball as it slows to a crawl
Surrounded by all of this merciless sprawl they call Iowa

Here’s to the plow
Here’s to the plowers
Here’s to the quilting
For hours and hours
Here’s to the tractors
The children can drive
Here’s to the churches
That keep us alive.........

How does it feel
Standing out in a field
With the women who kneel
At the thought of chenille
I’m nothing but veal
And I’m hardly a meal here in Iowa

There’s Mrs. Mullins
And Mrs. Brown’s rooster
There’s Mrs. Billington
Bradford and Brewster
The Fullers and Fishers
Are worried ‘bout frost
There’s Mrs. Rosenberg
She must be lost

Now, I fell asleep to the sounds of the subway
The pizzas and pretzels and cabbies and crime
I fell asleep to the glow of excess
Of a greater Grand Central, a good Guggenheim
I fell asleep in the land of the famous
Ain’t that Jerry Seinfeld, Ain’t that Robin Byrd
But I opened my eyes and my ears to the strangest
Most deafening silence that I’ve ever heard
‘Cause when I awoke, when I awoke, I awoke in Iowa

It’s hard to ignore
The God at the core
While pacing the floor of the general store
Who could be bored touring this vortex called Iowa

Here’s to the pious
Here’s to their pity
Here’s to the wonders
Of Iowa City
Here’s to the prayer group
That everyone joins
Here’s to the skyscraping
Sights of Des Moines

Now, I fell asleep in the city of angels
With buildings that buckle, and sidewalks that burn
I fell asleep to the trail of exhaust
And fabulous people where ever you turn
I fell asleep in the land of the large
Angelika above me and stars left and right
Then I opened my eyes to an infinite number
Of stars that have kept me awake half the night
‘Cause when I awoke, when I awoke, I awoke in Iowa

Somebody pinch me ‘cause I must be dreaming
How can one survive with so massive a dose
All of the bushytailed locals are beaming
If this isn’t heaven it’s awfully close
Of all of the places that made an impression
Always an hor d’oevres and never a feast
Here in the heartland the heart learns its lesson
If those were the lessor, than this is the least

Now, I fell asleep to the mochas and lattes
The coffees and cafes, the beggers and books
I fell asleep to the traffic and taxes
And stadiums every which way that you look
I fell asleep in the land of the outsider
Isn’t that Boonie* who’s ready to leave
Then I opened my eyes to the shock of the sun and
A cultural wasteland you wouldn’t believe
‘Cause when I awoke, when I awoke, I awoke in Iowa

 *was “Junior” when written in 1999, then was A-Rod the following year, then changed to Edgar, then Boonie . . . then we stopped singing it!

Available on Apology

He said that I was lovely
He was quite the stereotype
And he moved a little closer
‘Cause he felt the time was ripe
For a bit of conversation
For a little show and tell
Just a friendly confrontation
With a little love to sell

Oh,
I said Oh,
I said oh, no, no

He said that I was something
As he tried to persevere
And he offered me a cigarette
And sounded so sincere
With the bitter taste of romance
And the sweet smell of success
He was talking more and more
‘Bout less and less

And Oh
Won’t you say it isn’t so
Thought I’m flattered by the interest
There is something you should know
While to you it’s just like swine before the pearls
I like Girls, I like Girls

He said that I was special
That he thought I understood
And he talked about a boyfriend
That he left in Hollywood
He was sure in his demeanor
So secure in his desire
And he said the grass is greener
When you’re on the other side

And Oh
Won’t you say it isn’t so
Just a little indecision
Could destroy the status quo
Though you say you like the way my moustache curls
I like Girls, I like Girls
Though it sounds to you like treason
I don’t have to give a reason
I like Girls

Some people have a problem
With the way some people dress
With the way some people walk away
From people in distress
They can see the walking wounded
They just a social nudge
And the people who are worried
Are the ones who shouldn’t judge

I was standing by the counter
He was standing by my side
And we drank our drinks in silence
Then he turned to say good bye
And I never really worried
If we’d ever meet again
I went off to find a woman
He went off to find a man

And Oh
Won’t you say it isn’t so
It’s so nice to meet a person
who can let his feelings show
Though you say that there are all kinds in this world
(He likes Girls)
I like Girls
And you don’t believe I listen
But I know what I am missin’
I like girls

Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

Love is
Love is talking
Love is talking like a human being

I could stand the silence if it had some meaning
I could take the violence if it added spark
If these fits of caring weren’t so demeaning
I could stand you staring in the dark
I can feel you staring in the dark

Love
Love is
Love is smiling
Love is smiling when the punch is low

I could stand the pressure if you didn’t need me
I could take the pleasure with a grain of salt
I would lose the anger if you didn’t feed me
With the constant pangs of fear and fault

I love you, I love you
I love you, no really
I love you, please trust me
Must we keep repeating
I love you, I love you
Just call my machine
In between when you see me
And when you’ve been seen
‘cause I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you, I love you

Love
Love is
Love is hoping that the
Door won’t slam

I could stand the flowers if the thorns would stick me
I could stay for hours if you’d let me bleed
I could bring you closer if you’d show some hunger
You’re just so much younger than I need

I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I said it, I love you, I’m trying to read
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I’d love you to stay and I’d love you to leave
Oh, he’s so sensitive
He’s so sensitive
He’s so sensitive
That’s what the other girls say
You can see in his eyes
That there’s love in his eyes
So I look in your eyes
And the love’s in the way

I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you
It can’t be more clear
Yes, I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I’d love you much better
If you weren’t here

I could stand the chanting if I spoke the language
I could take the ranting if the time was right
I’d be sympathizing with your cries of anguish
If you’d only sleep at home to night

Oh, he’s so sensitive
He’s so sensitive
He’s so sensitive
That’s what the other girls say
You can see in his eyes
That there’s love in his eyes
So I look in your eyes
And the love’s in the way

I love you, I love you
You heard me, I love you
I love you, I said it
I’ll say it again and
Again and again
And I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
Now when will this end

‘Cause I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you

Available on Apology

I knew a boy who said that happiness was lethal
I think I might have spoke of him before
I used every word I knew to say that,
All things being equal
We are really not so different at the core
Piling on the syllables
Just trying to find some new twist
Sometimes more is more, sometimes it’s less
All those minutes wasted
Finding words to rhyme with hubris
That’s a lot of baggage, I confess

Suzy has a baby and another on the way
Charlie still makes sandwiches,
I heard he might be gay
Johnny is successful, at everything he does
Doug is still a never was

I knew a girl who thought that every man was evil
I’m sure I’ve sung about that once or twice
I could have told you more
But I was never fond of sequels
Maybe I should take my own advice
Happily ever after seemed so ripe for exploitation
Looking back it seems a little cold
After what I’d have to call a really long vacation
Somehow I have softened, so I’m told

I apologize for speaking out of turn
And for all the bridges that I might have burned
If I made any kind of impact,
That wasn’t meant to be
I owe you an apology

I knew a girl who said no love would ever fill her
I guess that she was lonely for a while
But you can sing about diseases,
You can sing about a killer
Just as long as you can sing it with a smile

K-Mart isn’t Kmart now, it’s just a Giant K
Love Boat is in dry dock, may it sail another day
Olivia Newton John is still a very peppy girl
I have been to Disney World

I appreciate the kindness and concern
It would take too long to tell you what I’ve learned
All I really wanted was this opportunity
I owe you an apology

You know that it doesn’t take a genius
To make your living singing ‘bout a penis
There is nothing like shameless merchandizing
And I’ll say I’m sorry
When I’m through apologizing

More than the success for which I’ve yearned
I wish I earned a lot more than I earned
But that’s not why I brought you here,
Although it isn’t free
I owe you an apology
I’ll apologize again
If that is what you want from me
I owe you an apology

I knew a boy who said that happiness was lethal
I think I might have spoke of him before

Available on Apology

I want a man who’ll wash the dishes
I want a man who’ll make the bed
I want a man who’s not suspicious
I want a man who’s halfway dead
I want a man who’ll do the laundry
Vacuum the carpets, sweep the floor
I want a man who knows his boundaries
No one could ask for more

(I want a woman who)
Shut up, sit down
(Yes dear, here dear?
Right away)
I want a man who’ll follow orders
I want a man with nothing to say

I want a man with no ambition
I want a man with half a brain
I want a man without a mission
I want a man who won’t complain
I want a man who’ll carve the turkey
Feed the goldfish, cook the meal
I want a man who’s kind of jerky
I want a man who does not feel

(Just a second dear I am coming
Just a moment I’m on my way
Can I get you a cup of tea dear
Just a moment you’ll need a tray)

I want a man with no desires
I want a man without a goal
I want a man who’ll build the fires
Stir the coffee, stir the coals
I want a man who likes what I like
Does what I do, won’t say no
I want a man who’ll always be here
I want a man who’ll let me go

(Just a second I’ll fix the toaster
Just a moment I’ll get the door
Just a moment you’ll need a coaster
Let me get it, your feet are sore)

(Just a minute dear, wait a minute darling
Just a moment love, I’m on my way
Can I get you this, can I get you that
Can I get you anything at all to start the day)

Available on Boys Want Sex in the Morning and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

What did I do to deserve you
Was it really just the luck of the draw
Was I the one that you wanted or the first one you saw
And what did I do to unnerve you
Was it really just the taste of the wine
Was I the one that you wanted or the last one in line?

Maybe if I was bolder
Maybe if you were older
Maybe I’d share my shoulder
Maybe if hell was colder

Don’t cry on me
I’m not the one
For sympathy
My work is done
Don’t cry on me
I’m not the girl

What did I do to distract you
Was there any other way to get by
Was I the one to awaken that look in your eye
And what did I do to attract you
Was it something that I shouldn’t have said
Was I the one to see no chance that romance is dead

Maybe if I was sinking
Maybe if you stopped winking
Maybe I’d share my thinking
Maybe if I started drinking

Don’t cry on me
I’m not the one
For company
I’m on the run
Don’t cry on me
I’m not the girl

I’m not the one to hold on to
It’s your overactive imagination
I’m not the one to hold on to
I’ve got lots of things to do
I don’t pretend that I want you
There must be somebody else who’ll listen
Someone who doesn’t mind reminiscing
Someone who knows what a catch she’s missing

Don’t cry on me
I’m not the one
For reverie
I’ve had my fun
Don’t cry on me
I’m not the girl

Available on Live(?) In Seattle

So all those years of therapy
Came crashing down upon you
And you think you really got what you deserved
Is there any point in wondering
Where all those dreams have gone to
When your family traditions are preserved

Now I know you need protection
From those things that never happened
And I know that there are drugs to keep you sane
But if I could make us better
I’d go back in time and tap in to
The little things that fill us with such pain

I would come back as the girl who screwed you over
I would change your history
‘Cause if anybody needs a four leaf clover
It’s the boy you used to be
I would do anything to change that circumstance
I would come back as that girl
I would come back as that girl
If I come back as that girl
We’d have a chance

I used to think that children
Were the only thing that mattered
After all was said and done they made you whole
And I wonder ‘bout a family
When all the kids have scattered
Is it distance that gives children some control

Now I know you get defensive
When I bring up your defenses
And I know that there was love in every curse
But if there was one solution
That would bring you to your senses
Don’t you think I’d try it now before we’re worse

I would come back as the mother that you needed
I would choke off that assault
‘Cause if there’s one thing that should have been repeated
It’s that you were not at fault
I would do anything to warn you in advance
I would come back as that girl
I would come back as that girl
If I come back as that girl
We’d have a chance

How can I argue
With somebody who won’t argue
There’s a history that scarred you
That you’ve kept behind a curtain
Try to remember this
Out on the precipice
Through all this dreaded bliss
The one thing certain

I would come back as the woman that you married
I would be your greatest friend
‘Cause the only way to share this load we’ve carried
Would be to do it all again
I would do anything
I would do anything
I would do anything to save this whole romance
I would come back as that girl
I would come back as that girl
If I come back as that girl
We’d have a chance

Available on The Grim Parade

Call the nurse
Call the preacher
This is just the calm before the storm
Find my wife
I tried to reach her
Tell her this is not another false alarm

With the churning in my stomach
And the ringing in my head
If I had to see this day again
You know I think I’d stay in bed

Place the call
Face the answer
This just hasn’t been my lucky year
I bite the hand
And I fight the cancer
And watch the things around me disappear

With a spirit that keeps spiraling
And all the body breaks
If I had to do it all again
You know I’d make the same mistakes

And if a tree falls, And if a tree falls
And if a tree falls in the forest it’ll land on me

Take the plunge
Make some motion
Keep your eyes on all the warning signs
Stake the claim
And fake emotion
Everybody reads between the lines

Well the new ones bring depression
And the old ones bring me down
If I had to swim that sea of love
Well you know I’d probably drown

And if a tree falls, And if a tree falls
And if a tree falls in the forest it’ll land on me

And if I keep my eyes closed
And if I keep my mouth shut
How can the bad things trickle in
Just when it can’t get colder
There turns another shoulder
And all the gold I’m holding turns to tin

So call the nurse
Call the papers
And try to think of something new to say
Fall in step
And call in favors
And count the ones who look the other way

With an instinct to remember
And a loathing to forgive
If I tried to take my life tonight
Well you know I’d probably live

And if a tree falls, And if a tree falls
And if a tree falls in the forest it’ll land on me

Available on But I'm Happy Now and Primal Urges

If God went to my high school
Do you think he’d bring his lunch from home?
Would loaves of bread and soggy fish-sticks
Leave him sitting all alone?

Would he join the chess club
Or would he try debating?
Wouldn’t every woman stand in line
If God said he was dating?

If God went to my high school
Would the teachers make him show his work?
And doesn’t knowing everything
Wreak havoc on the grading curve?

If God went to my high school
Do you think the coach would leave him in?
With God at starting quarterback
We’d finally have a chance to win

‘Cause everyone will back away
When God steps back to toss
Tell me who is gonna tackle God
And throw him for a loss?

If God went to my high school
I bet everyone would know his name
He’d ace the SATs
And get a scholarship to Notre Dame

Available on Primal Urges

ou give your card to your lover
Tell him never to call you
And you wonder
And you wonder
If he’s going to leave

You give your hand to a stranger
Pull him into the water
Push him under
Push him under
‘Til he can’t even breathe

You give a yawn for the people who love you
You never fawn as they crawl to your throne
You don’t expect them to doubt you
And they can’t live without you
Still you wonder why you’re still alone

You give a smile to the mirror
Put it into your pocket
What a treasure
What a treasure
How could someone resist

You send a note to your parents
And you think that you’ll charge ‘em
For the pleasure
For the pleasure
When you came to exist

You give a sign to the people who follow
You say a prayer for the one’s on their own
All the people around you
Can’t believe that they found you
Still you wonder why you’re still alone

If You’re An Angel
Let’s See You’re Halo
Let’s see the savior
Who never, ever misbehaves
If You’re an Angel
How can we fault you
When you’re walking on water
When you’re dancing on graves

You give your name to the papers
Tell ‘em never to quote you
And you wonder
And you wonder
Why you bother at all
You give a look to the neighbors
Tell ‘em never approach you
Take a number
Take a number
Such incredible gall

You throw a spell at the people who want you
You never tell them you’re made out of stone
And no matter the hurt
You know they’ll never desert you
Still you wonder why you’re still alone

If you’re an angel
Let’s see your halo
Let’s see the shining light
That everybody craves
If you’re an angel
We will avert our eyes
When you’re walking on water
When you’re dancing on graves

You open up your eyes
You open up your hands
You open up their souls
They hope to learn from it
You open up your heart
You open up your arms
You open up the floor
And let them plummet

If you’re an angel
Let’s see your halo
Let’s see the joie de vivre
That makes them all your slaves
If you’re an angel
Will you protect us
When you’re walking on water
When you’re dancing on graves

Available on I Am Joe's Eyes and Primal Urges

Sometimes at night
We almost speak
We almost speak
In friendly terms
Sometimes at night
Sometimes at night
We go to sleep
We go to sleep
In separate beds
Sometimes at night
Sometimes at night

We take our places at the table
In the morning with the family
And our faces are as innocent as lambs’

Sometimes at night
When no one’s there
When no one’s there
We lose our minds
Sometimes at night
Sometimes at night

We leave our problems in the bedroom
At the office, when the family’s gone
And our obligations lead us to the grave

We’re only in it
We’re only in it
We’re only in it for the children
We’re only in it
We’re only in it
We’re only in it for the children

Sometimes at night
We speak our minds
We speak our minds
And no one hears
Sometimes at night
Sometimes at night
We watch the tube
We watch the tube
And curse our fate
Sometimes at night
Sometimes at night

We never give in to temptation
Never striking when the family’s there
‘Cause we live in constant fear
That we’ll be seen

We’re only in it
We’re only in it
We’re only in it for the children
We’re only in it
We’re only in it
We’re only in it for the children

We’ll take the family on vacation
When we think we need a change
And we’ll cease the accusations with a smile
There’ll be no reconciliation
When the kids are out of range
And we’ll lose the affectations for a while

Sometimes at night
We grit our teeth
We grit our teeth
And try to dream
Sometimes at night
Sometimes at night
We spare the rod
We spare the rod
To spoil our lives
Sometimes at night
Sometimes at night

We know exactly what we’re doing
And we’ll hide it from the family fare
And we’ll act like nothing’s wrong
Until they’re gone

We’re only in it
We’re only in it
We’re only in it for the children
We’re only in it
We’re only in it
We’re only in it for the children

Available on Boys Want Sex in the Morning and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

As I get farther from the middle
And I think I see a way out
There’s a world of indecision
That I’m waiting to explore
If love’s the oldest riddle
Then I know how this will play out
I will second guess my vision
As I look for something more

I don’t get much attention
Though I used to have a future
That I knew that you’d take with you
‘Cause that’s usually what you do
But did I forget to mention
As you fumbled with each suture
That I really don’t remember
If you left me or I left you

And so I’m older and I’m wiser, mostly older
And the mirror no longer seems to be my friend
And I think it might be too late for do-overs
And I wonder who will love me in the end

There’s a tiny piece of thread there
That I guess might be eternal
But the ties that used to bind me
Were bound to fray and snap
I’ve been rolled up with this dead air
With everything maternal
And this shroud that has defined me
I’m dying to unwrap

And though I know the story isn’t so compelling
And I was never very good at “let’s pretend”
I guess it loses something in the telling
And I wonder who will love me in the end

And I blamed you for denying me
I blamed you for the guilt
I blamed you for the anger
Tearing down the things we built
And I blamed you for the loneliness
I blamed you for the grief
And I blamed you when I finally found
A moment of relief

It’s a bit of a commotion
Losing all that you invested
And I’d give back all those memories
If that’s how I’d survive
I’m at peace with my emotion
Tempest tost and battle tested
And I think I’m almost glad to see
Another day arrive

And though you never really get your fill of pleasure
And you can give and give and give but never bend
I believe I could be someone’s hidden treasure
And I wonder who will love me in the end
I will keep an open heart for extra measure
And I wonder who will love me in the end

Unreleased

Father was always around
Mother was always right there by his side
Town after town after town
So many people along for the ride
And I’ve got a box in the back with the cousins and clothes
I get to bond with the family, in between blows
Its fine I suppose

Sleep at some ungodly hour
Dawn of the dead with the cows and the cold
Wake with the squirt of a flower
Funny is funny but that one gets old
And I have such little feet, I have a regular nose
I have a place in the sawdust where nobody goes
And nobody knows

Marilyn Munster of Mockingbird Lane
I know your loneliness, I know your pain
And I know what it’s like to grow up on the wrong side of town
Marilyn Munster I’ve tried to fit in
I’m stuck on a stage with no plates left to spin
It’s only a day in the life of an inevitable clown

Father kept swallowing swords
Mother would swing on an elephant’s tail
Talent has it’s own rewards
I got to follow along with the pail
And I know a man who can lift me with one of his toes
I get to launder his loincloth in between shows
That’s how it goes

Marilyn Munster come down from my wall
How come we can’t run away from it all
I know how it feels way up high, still afraid to look down
Marilyn Munster the scenery sucks
So I sit like a swan in a room full of ducks
It’s only a day in the life of an inevitable clown

And mother could shave if she wanted to shave
And father could pull up his pants
I could get out of this poodle parade
But I never learned how to dance
I’m biding my time with the lions and tigers
And Bobo the bike-riding bear
Shilling for showman, but I know that no one
Would notice if I wasn’t there
‘Cause I was the knife-throwing act who kept missing her throws
Stuck on a trike I would strike a ridiculous pose
Like one of the pros

Marilyn Munster each day is the same
How do we get off of Mockingbird Lane
When the car is so tiny and everyone’s clowning around
Marilyn Munster now everyone knows
That I’m cut from the cloth of more casual clothes
Still I know how to saddle the seals so they keep me around
But I’ve fallen so far I’m afraid no one’s noticed the sound
And it’s only a day in the life of an inevitable clown

Unreleased

Ames has got the Hilton Coliseum
Cedar Rapids has an art museum
The Blank Park Zoo is full
Of friendly animals
I doesn’t cost a lot to go and see ‘em

Herbert Hoover came from Iowa
John Wayne also came from Iowa
A giant sign in Corning
Says Carson comes from Corning
He helped them build a brand new cinema

Oh Gopher, made his way to Congress
Gopher seemed so honest
Gopher really cared
Don’t you know that
Gopher, spurned the Hollywood Hills
Now he works for Goodwill
He’s a millionaire

West Bend has a rich and varied past
The Grotto and Sod House are unsurpassed
If you go to Johnston you’ll
Find the Camp Dodge swimming pool
And you can see it as you motor past
Next time through I’ll stop for more than gas

Available on Apology

He walks over to the window
And without a hesitation he goes out
I walk over to the window
And I see him hit the sidewalk like a trout
With a moment’s indecision
I can almost see him moving
Then I see the splattered pavement
And I feel it’s almost soothing
‘Cause I know he didn’t suffer
Any more than was the norm
He lived life the way he found it
And he left it true to form

He was standing by the TV
When I saw his eyes roll upward in his head
I came over to the TV
Just to find out what the anchorman had said
With a little human interest
And some filler for the waiting
They were speaking of replacements
And a failure in the ratings
And my friend looked pale then paler
As his body lost his breath
And I listened and discovered
What would send him to his death

Oh Gopher, Gopher’s being fired
Contracts have expired
Love has been retired
Buried out at sea

Every afternoon in college
He’d sit down and pour himself another brew
Just as soon forsake his knowledge
For an hour’s entertainment with the crew
With a tub of buttered popcorn
And a can or two of soda
He gets sucked into the program
Like he has to make some quota
‘Cause he knows what’s gonna happen
‘Cause he’s seen them all before
And the endless double takes
Just make him want it even more

Oh Isaac, Isaac’s over tired
Julie’s been unhired
Love is uninspired
Sinking in the bay
The Love Boat
Love Boat’s dropped it’s anchor
Bought out by some banker
Hired out as a tanker
Drifting far away

Oh Aaron Spelling you’re a genius
No one could have seen this
Running all these years
(Won’t you tell us)
Aaron, where’d you get the notion
Love upon the ocean
Blazing new frontiers

When he heard the sad decision
There was sorrow and confusion in the home
He turned off the television
And he came to his conclusion on his own
With a sigh of desperation
He gave in to his depression
He went out to greet the concrete
Where he made his last impression
And the papers want a statement
‘Cause the public wants to know
Was it just the cancellation
Of a favorite TV show

The Love Boat
Love Boat’s slowly sinking
Vicki’s started thinking
Merrill has been drinking
One more for the road
The Love Boat
Love Boat has been grounded
Doc is still dumbfounded
All aboard’s been sounded
No where left to go

Available on Boys Want Sex in the Morning and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

They must have loved each other once
Although it’s hard to know for sure
‘Cause there were strangers in their eyes
And there were lovers at the door

Isn’t it sad
Isn’t it so, so, sad
They want each other madly
That’s just too bad

She was the woman of his dreams
He was her prince in shiny white
But there were skeletons in closets
There were secrets out of sight
Isn’t it sad
Isn’t it so, so, sad
They want each other madly
That’s just too bad

And no one would believe it
If they’d seen it with their eyes
How they cover up old promises
With brand new alibis
Isn’t it sad

Now there’s a husband in the basement
There’s a wife who lives upstairs
And there’s a lawyer in the kitchen
There to sort out the affairs
Isn’t it sad
Isn’t it so, so, sad
They want each other madly
That’s just too bad

Available on But I'm Happy Now

It starts with a boat
There’s always a boat
It starts with a suitcase, a brown pair of shoes
And an old overcoat
No family behind
No family ahead
We move on with the clothes on our backs
And the hats on our heads

It’s starts with a boat
There’s always a boat
It starts with a leap, a spot on a map
And a handwritten note
A silent goodbye
All eyes to the sea
We will throw ourselves into the world
And a new history

We’ve been wandering thousands of years and we’re wandering still
We will challenge the darkness with faith, take our lives in our hands
We will always remember the past and that ignorance kills
And like veins on a leaf we will spread ourselves over the land

It starts with a boat
There’s always a boat
It starts with a prayer, a family to save
And a knot in the throat
A family adrift
A family afloat
There’s no telling where it will end
But it starts with a boat

Unreleased

I don’t remember JFK
Or when the Beatles came to Shea
You said you did the twist
You said it went like this
I don’t remember yesterday

You used to cruise to pick up chicks
You said you travelled 66
I think that sounds just great
I’ll take the interstate
I don’t need cars to get my kicks

Do you remember golden oldies
Before they were golden oldies
Or Dick Clark before he started looking.......young
Do you remember Frankie Avalon
The way he led the rabble on
But never thought to give Annette the tongue

You cried when Groucho told a joke
And loved the way that Bogart spoke
I know just how you feel
They always seem so real
I see them selling diet coke

Do you remember 1966
When you discovered politics
And everybody marched against the war
You hippies and you heretics
You ended up with Tricky Dick
They don’t come like that one any more

I know that Elvis was your king
And that you loved the way he’d sing
I know that’s what you said
To me he’s fat and dead
I don’t remember anything

Can convince me you’ve forgotten
Puca shells and big bell bottoms
Saying things like feeling groovy and far out
Do you remember saying Daddy-o
And girls who dressed like Jackie-O
Can you tell me what that’s all about

I don’t remember JFK
I heard some pigs were in some bay
I think that sounds so neat
Too bad I don’t eat meat
I don’t remember yesterday

Available on The Winter Concert

Most likely to succeed
President and sweater man
There for all to see
Drama prince and letter man
Babes around your feet
Sweetest talking candy man
Always on the beat
Errand boy and handy man
Social servant, cub reporter
Hot dog served with sparkling water

Everything old hat
Known to all the local faces
Every time at bat
Hitting for the extra bases
Babes around the pool
Ray Ban strutting perfect tanner
Precious local jewel
Six ball juggling social planner
Fastest strumming, hardest worker
Up and coming soda jerker

But Johnny, it’s downhill from here
Don’t you know the world was at your feet
But now they’re gone
And it’s suddenly clear
Everything you do goes wrong
Won’t you tell me what became of the fiery passion
What happened to the eyes of ice blue steel
Tell me that you’re not afraid to learn to feel

Waiting in the wings
Everything so out of reach
Nothing ever clings
No can do and no can teach
Girls are seldom seen
Only with the beg and borrow
All the breaks are clean
Here today and gone tomorrow
Loathsome lover, lonesome loser
Soapbox critic, social boozer

But Johnny, it’s downhill from here
Don’t you see you’re acting like the
Once and future king
But there’s nobody here
And you can’t do anything
Won’t you tell me what became of the days of glory
What happened to the masses at your side
Tell me that you’ve found another place to hide

And Johnny I know it used to be so easy
Everything you wanted was in hand
All that blind ambition
Only lacked the ammunition
To make everyone around you understand

That Johnny, it’s downhill from here
Don’t you see your trigger finger’s
Waiting for the call
And you’re showing the fear
Knowing that you’re sure to fall

Won’t you tell me what became
Of the fire and thunder
What happened to the smile and timeless wit
Tell me what it takes to crawl from under
Show me that you’ve learned to handle it
Does anything remain of the local hero
Does anyone remember the high school cheer
Tell me that you’re not afraid to disappear
‘Cause Johnny, it’s downhill from here

Available on A Lonely Grain of Corn and The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

High on a mountain side
Somewhere in Austria
Maybe it’s Switzerland
It’s hard to say

I see the woman
She runs through the meadow
She’s crying in anguish
She’s turning away

Oh God...oh...oh...God

I think it’s Julie Andrews
Julie...Julie Andrews

Maybe we should call somebody
Maybe we should put her out of her misery

Julie…Julie…Julie…Julie…

Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

Every Sunday God wakes up
To everybody’s problems
All those voices asking for forgiveness
Half asleep he waves his hand
To quickly mass absolve them
Wondering why he constantly relives this
I don’t want to take that time away
From someone who might really need
A sign from God that day

Angel Michael on his knees
Trying to find the time to help us
I don’t need such expertise
I could never be that selfish
Isn’t there a minor angel
Not an angel one might miss
I can talk to, I can turn to
There to handle this

Sunday morning in the choir
I’m the one who’s singing off key
By my bedside in the darkness
I will say my prayers so softly
Isn’t there a lonely angel
Not an angel fully booked
I can call on, I can sing to
Someone overlooked

Just one angel
Just one angel
Angel only I can see
Just one angel
Just one angel
Watching over me

Sometimes when my heart is full
It makes me feel a bit frenetic
Fallen angel takes the bullet
Wouldn’t that be so poetic
Isn’t there a private angel
Unremembered, underused
Second angel, No one’s angel
Someone God excused

Just one angel
Just one angel
Angel only I can see
Just one angel
Just one angel
Watching over me

All those days and nights
God slaved to give us creature comforts
Why would we have free will
If he thought we’d always call
Maybe it’s a lack of sleep
That keeps him feeling vengeful
Maybe he’d be sweet and soft
If he could have his Sundays off

Just one angel
Just one angel
Angel only I can see
Just one angel
Just one angel
Watching over me

Available on "Apology (Ashley)," "Primal Urges (Andrew)," "The Winter Concert (Andrew)," and "Just One Angel (Hilary Field)"

You found the road to heaven
No matter which direction
Across the intersection
You feel the open door
You got a nose for stores
Here in a town that shares
And everybody stares
At everyone who cares about the shopping wars

The bible belt pulls tighter
Or it’s the flat-land fever
That makes a true believer
Out of a child wife
Who seems to love her life
She keeps her man alive
By having what it takes
To carve a man-sized steak with just a butter knife

And any back yard preacher with a barbecue
Can show the shortest route with just one hand
So every Sunday fool who strayed from Sunday school
To clean his swimming pool could understand

That it’s a common future
The calm before the storming
The lines are always forming
The signs are always clear
There’s not a trace of fear
If there’s a blue light blinking
The parish pawns aren’t thinking
They’ve replaced the cleric with generic beer

We’re all the same, we’ve all be planned
From coast to coast we like to boast
There is most certainly a K-Mart close at hand
We make a stand, live day to day
And if we need another stray part
There will surely be a K-Mart on the way

And there are school yard dealers
In towns the maps forgot
You place a call and psychic healers
Put out all their psychic feelers in the parking lot
And when the pavement’s hot
If you can hitch a ride
You go to buy ad infinitum
Touch and try out every item just to stay inside

And any loser with a licence
And boozer with a cause
Will be anything but lost
Every town is just the same
It it’s Broadway or it’s First Street
Or it’s Main Street or it’s Church Street
The only thing that’s different is the name

We live forever, we get to play
It is our destiny that calls
In Texas twangs and southern drawls
And when they tear apart the malls the K-Marts stay
We foot the bills, we show no fear
And when more settlers come our way
Start making plans for extra K-Marts over here

And the churches were all empty
And the city streets were cleared with all God’s speed
For the Lord will lead all humans
To the store where all consumers go to feed
He’ll take the stranded from their driveways
Down the endless business highways
On the path of least resistance
To the neon in the distance

K-Mart, K-Mart, K-Mart

You’ve got that TV smile
You saved another dollar
Another brand name scholar who’s got a box of wine
You read between the lines
You made it through the aisles
Until the bargains stop
You’ll take the cart and shop right up to closing time

We aim to please, we never stray
From start to end we recommend
That everybody learn to spend the K-Mart way
We’ve got our pride, we’re well defined
And when it comes the time to pay
Smart people head for any K-Mart they can find

We’ve seen the light, we’re not alone
And any star that’s half awake
Jumps in the car and goes to make the K-Mart home
We’ve on our knees, we’re well behaved
And when it comes to judgement day
Smart people know that all the K-Marts will be saved

Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

You’ve got such a pretty face
Right there on your face
Such a perfect place
To keep it ‘til you’re older
Pasted on your head
Where it can be fed
Such a perfect head
Perched upon your shoulder

Every freckle, every pore
Every hole that you explore
All the parts that you adore
Are wasted on the surface
And important as they are
They’re really not the star
Looks can get you far
But they don’t serve a special purpose

So you’re gonna grow some hair
Over there and over there
And even some down there
In all the places you can’t fathom
And though hairs may come and go
Or never even grow
Deep inside you know
It’s not important where you have ‘em

Every wrinkle, every wart
Is just something to report
Looks may be important
Though you shouldn’t really flaunt ‘em
As you work your way on in
Through the thick and thin
Skin is only skin deep
But it keeps things where you want ‘em

Keep your insides on the inside
This could be my best advice
Keep your head and don’t forget
That blood works better out of sight
Keep your insides on the inside
That’s where the important pieces stay

You’ve got really lovely glands
Extraordinary glands
They keep up with demands
They’re so exciting and exquisite
Still I leave it in your hands
No matter what your plans
The Isles of Langerhans are isles
You wouldn’t want to visit

‘Cause your kidney and your spleen
Are seldom really seen
Still you try to keep ‘em clean
And tucked away just where you found ‘em
Deep inside your chest
Where they can’t protest
The inner works work best
When all the outer stuff’s around them

Keep your insides on the inside
Leave your arteries alone
Hold your tongue ‘cause bowels run
Like clockwork when they’re on their own
So keep your insides on the inside
Don’t let any pieces stray
Inside things should stay that way

‘Cause though your freckles may be cute
You’ll hate them in the future
And the hair that we once spoke of
Will recoil then recede
All the stuff that comes unstuffed
Can be contained with just a suture
And the parts you lose along the way
You probably didn’t need

Keep your insides on the insides
Other options seem so bleak
It’s worth your while
To show your smile
But keep the bile way down deep
And keep your insides on the inside
Save your insides for a rainy day

Unreleased

All the girls
Say it’s no disgrace
Meeting face to face
With the man who sets the pace
And the girls
Line up on the wall
At the beck and call
Of the man who’s got it all
And everyone who’s had the pleasure
Knows the passionate things you do
Every girl who’s crashed the party
Knows how much you think of you

All the boys
Searching for a date
Watch you throw your weight
(So much there to hate)
And the boys
Seem to know the score
Been through this before
Hate you even more
Every action brings reaction
Every passion thrashes through
Every girl who’s crashed and burned
Has learned to keep her eye on you

’Cause you could be the prince of darkness
You could be the prince of pain
You could be the king of fools
Who pulls the women back again
You could be the prince in white
That every girl’s been dreaming of
You must be the king of love

All the girls
Like to watch you dance
Waiting for the chance
For their big romance
And the boys
Never make a sound
Have to wait around
For the big rebound
Every girl who’s soaring higher
Every girl who’s bursting through
Every girl who’s crashed to earth
Has learned what passion’s worth to you

You could be the prince of darkness
You could be the prince of pain
You could be the king of fools
Who pulls the women back again
You could be the prince in white
That every girl’s been dreaming of
You must be the king of love

All that primping, All that preening
All that prowess, All that praise
Love so limp, Love careening
Love’s a pasture lovers graze
Love that’s rough, Love that hovers
Love that covers everything
All that love, All those lovers
Love to make the man the king

You could be the prince of darkness
You could be the prince of pain
You could be the king of hearts
Who starts the women back again
You could be the king of kings
Who worships women from above
You must be the king of love

Additional Music by Robert Puff | Available on But I'm Happy Now

Learning to breathe under water
Floating would surely mean death
Saving my bones
From the piles of stones on the steps
Watching their sons and their daughters
Curious and cautious and clean
Mourning young lovers
On covers of news magazines

Learning to walk, learning to run
Learning to take what I’ve come to receive
Under the wire, under the gun
Learning to breathe

All of this ice on the river
Presses me onwards towards Spring
Lost in whatever
A change in the weather might bring
Waiting for God to deliver
Ashes to ashes I go
Looking for traces
Of faces that I used to know

Learning to walk, learning to run
Learning to hate what I’ve come to believe
Under the wire, under the gun
Learning to breathe

Let me go down to the ocean
Wash away all of this fear
Face the affliction
In every predictable tear
Maybe some magical potion
Can save me from all of this skin
Let me reach out
So that somebody out might reach in

Learning to walk, learning to run
Learning that faith isn’t all it should be
Everything dies
Under the sun
But I’m learning to breathe

Available on Lounging in the Belly of the Beast and "The Winter Concert (Live)"

A rose is just a rose is just a rose
A simple lie that everybody knows
But even filled with poetry and prose
You could be a wolf in sheepish clothes
There’s an explanation I suppose
How the love you came with comes and goes
That even as your precious antler grows
You’re keeping one eye out for other does

Sometimes I start out believing men
Then right before my very eyes
Somehow I’m on the receiving end
Of some inconceivable lies

And a lie is just a lie is just a lie
And here in our cocoon they flutter by
’Cause even underneath the naked eye
A gypsy moth is not a butterfly

If you want to please me, please be gone
You are not the favorite thing I’ve done
You’d be so much better on your own
If you’re gonna leave me, leave me alone

A rose is just a rose is just a rose
Even when the perfect petals close
All the crumpled color never shows
Trampled underneath your careless toes

Sometimes I start out by running ‘round
With manly men with manly poise
But somehow I end up a dumping ground
For uninspired little boys

If you want to please me, please be gone
You’ve got all these choices, slim and none
Why not throw another girl a bone
If you’re gonna leave me, leave me alone

Maybe for the final word
I’ll try to be more delicate
I only want to help the next in line
What’s the final damage worth
I figured, for the hell of it
That you could be the only man on earth
And I’d be celibate

A rose is just a rose is just a rose
But even when it’s right beneath your nose
There’s a kind of odor that just flows
When the rose is in it’s dying throes
You were just another one of those
Tossing women off like dominoes
And even as I learned to love that rose
Everything in life can decompose

Available on Live(?) In Seattle

Let’s pretend we never met
Maybe I had missed my plane
Maybe you forgot your keys
And so you missed the morning train
And so that sunny afternoon in Herald Square
Neither you nor I had made it there

And let’s take it one step further
For the sake of argument
Maybe someone else was passing by
And heard your compliment
And so flattered at the way you turned a phrase
Both of you went off to share your days

Now, I know that isn’t possible
I’m just trying to explain
That if you had lost your keys
And I had missed the morning train
Maybe someone else would be my mate
Someone who does not believe in fate

Stay with me for this next part
Let’s pretend you couldn’t see
What I think I hear you saying
Is you’d find your way to me
With nothing like desire or diligence
But something like a sixth or seventh sense

It’s another sign of wanting things too easy
It’s like eating food off someone else’s plate
Put a man who doesn’t worry
With a woman who can’t wait
There’s your perfect recipe for fate

Maybe that’s a bad example
Maybe none of this is true
But if I understand your point
It doesn’t matter what I do
I could leave you but I might as well just stay
‘Cause I can’t really leave you anyway

For the ones who shy away from exploration
Or find it just too hard to concentrate
Mix the cowardice of pining
With the curtness of debate
There’s your perfect recipe for fate

If you think it doesn’t matter,
That it’s all some grand design
And that where and when
Are neither here nor there
Some butterfly just flaps its wings
And suddenly you’re mine
That seems even farther fetched than prayer

‘Cause if I wasn’t meant to be there
Of if you were somewhere else
If I was someone taller
If you weren’t quite yourself
Don’t you think we’d find a way we could relate
That wasn’t just your simple twist of fate
Maybe we would need a second date
If we didn’t leave it up to fate
Don’t you think that we would truly hate
To think that we’re in love because of fate

Unreleased

Judy had her tryout with the pep squad
I've been pulling strings all afternoon
She's following in footsteps
That were following in footsteps
I don't believe this day could end too soon

Billy has been fighting with the neighbors
Barry says it's boys just being boys
It's really not a crime
but I wish I had a dime
for every little thing that he destroyed

Did you move again?
I think you moved again
You must have moved again
The other notes I sent were returned

And I couldn't find your number
No one has your newest number
It's no wonder everyone is so concerned

Every Tuesday morning I go running
Harry says he thinks it's really cute
I wish he'd pay attention
'Cause I don't have to mention
That I'm the one who sees that birthday suit

Did you hear the sordid details
Of the really sordid details
Why the Millers and the Meyers got divorced

'Pears that there's no way of knowing
Through the comings and the goings
which progeny came flowing
From which source

There's a barbeque at everybody's house tonight
There are people who would love to see your smile
There's a never-ending flame
And there's a burger with your name
And we all hope that you can make it for a while

Mr Keane retired from the classroom
He was really old when we were only five
They gave him a gold watch
But the way he smelled of Scotch
It's amazing that that guy is still alive

And everybody's talking about the paper
Barry doesn't even want it in the shop
They've raised the price five cents
Which seems a little dense
Since Garfield is no longer right on top

There's a chance to get together with the gang tonight
There are folks you haven't seen or never called
There's one store that's open late and
There's a name tag by your plate and
We all hope that you can make it after all

Has it really been so long since we were sitting at that place?
Do you remember what's his face and what's her name?
And how about that family?
I wonder about your family
For the most part aren't families all the same?

And I hope this letter finds you at least as happy as I am
I've got more happiness than I could ever use
And I hope that you forgive me
I've been really, really busy and
A form letter's the only way to cover all the news

There is someone doing something somewhere close tonight
There are faces that have never gone away
There are photos we can take and
There are memories that stick and
We all hope that you can make it back this way

There are pictures in a book
So we remember how you look
And we all hope that we can meet again some day

Words: Arni Adler/Andrew Ratshin | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on Apology

Little Skipper’s got a brand new boyfriend
Found him out in aisle number two
Stuck between the scrabble and the twister
All dressed up with nothing else to do
And Barbie’s tryin’ to keep from feeling jealous
Little sister’s got an older man
Comes to town with action-packed accessaries
To teach her to be flexible and stand

Little Skipper’s got a brand new boyfriend
Showed up on the shelf like some mirage
Ready for a sun ‘n fun adventure
With tons of khaki green and camouflage
And Barbie never had her choice of fellas
Now Skipper’s moving up from boys to men
Found a muscle-mannikin to relish
Someone who could rip the arms off Ken

GI Joe’s got shore leave
And Joe’s got cash to spare
Joe brings pearls from foreign worlds
For girls with plastic hair
GI Joe’s got shore leave
And Joe’s got friends in town
Joe’s got glands and moving hands
And plans to settle down

Little Skipper’s got a brand new boyfriend
She keeps an extra six-pack in the fridge
Stole the keys to Barbie’s Country Camper
To hit the beach with Alan, Joe and Midge
And Barbie’s always dreamed of being rebellious
But doesn’t have the heart to break the mold
Little sister’s sending off the soldiers
She has no reputation to uphold

GI Joe’s got shore leave
And Joe spares no expense
Joe wants girls with painted curls
And worlds of fashion sense
GI Joe’s got shore leave
He’s got an itch to scratch
GI Joe’s got girls who pose
In clothes that always match

And Skipper wants to dress herself in leather
But Skipper needs assistance to unzip
Joe is armed and ready, willing, able
With his trusty hand-grenade and kung-fu grip

Little Skipper’s got a brand new boyfriend
Found him out in aisle number two
Tucked between the twister and the scrabble
All dressed up to head to Malibu
And Barbie’s got a lot of things to tell her
But little Skipper doesn’t have the time
Little sister’s got a brand new boyfriend
She’s leaving all the other dolls behind

Available on Live(?) In Seattle

Don’t go out
Don’t go outside
Someone’s always lurking
Outside
Something isn’t working
You can find me inside
Inside I bloom...

Don’t make friends
Friends are outside
Something’s always burning
Outside
This is what I’m learning
My concerns are inside
Living in a small room

Don’t need work
Why be less than I can be
Don’t want work
Work is far too hard for me
Why, the very thought of leaving
Makes my skin cold and white
I can stay here in the corner
In artificial light
Keep the public out of my cocoon
Living in a small room

So take my mail and take my laundry
Bring me food and bring me news
Keep my things, keep my money
And on Sundays I can see the views
Sundays I can see the pews
Looking full but still alone
Like a person in a home
Like a flower in a tomb
Living in a small room
Living in a small room

Don’t need love
Love stays outside
Love is always drowning
Outside
Something’s always pounding
I’ll be found inside
In my small room

Don’t need air
Air is just where it begins
Don’t want air
Air that’s thinner than my skin
And the day that I surrender
With my spirit intact
I will want to be remembered
For this singular act
I could always sense impending doom
Living in a small room

So take my mail and take my laundry
Bring me food and bring me news
Keep my things, keep my money
There’s a phone that I can always use
There’s a freedom I can never lose
Like a child on a throne
Like a flower in a poem
Like a prisoner in a womb
Living in a small room

Don’t go out
Don’t go outside
Someone’s always driven
Outside
You can go on living
I’ll stay here inside
Living in a small room

Unreleased

If only Lois knew
Clark Kent could see through her dress
She would have flown to his arms
And uncovered his “S”
She could have torn off his trousers
Discovered his tights
He wouldn't put up a fight

If only Lois knew
That at the time of ascent
Superman blasted off
And there wasn’t no Kent
She would have clung to his wingspan
A fly on the wall
He wouldn’t let her fall

But her mouth never moved
And her hair stayed in place
Too little magic
In so stiff a face
Framed in the funnies
Captioned and stripped
Ten cents a copy
Too cheap a script

If only Lois knew
That Kent was light years away
That in the name of Krypton
He was saving the day
She could have leapt on his steno
In one single bound
But he was never around

She wouldn’t know love
If it wasn't out flying
And it broke all her pencils without trying
If he took off his glasses
And he blew her a kiss
And a windstorm ensued in Metropolis
Lois was lost on the man made of granite
Lost in her own daily planet

If only Lois knew
That at the scene of a crime
Kent was not to be seen
But always filed on time
He always scooped up a story
In super disguise
She always looked so surprised

He kept an x-ray eye upon her
She slept alone on Loveless Lane
He never sacrificed his honor
He never took her on his plane
She didn't like the meek and shrinking
She always thought she’d like to fly
He always knew what she was thinking
When she was staring at the sky

She wouldn't know love
If it only went one way
Taking off with her desk as a runway
If he told her the truth
And the rules of the order
As he dressed in the phone booth
And he asked her for quarters
Lois was lost on the man made of granite
Lost in her own daily planet

If only Lois knew
Clark Kent could see through her dress
She would have flown to his arms
And uncovered his “S”
She could have had herself a layout
Some news she could feel
With the man made of steel

Words: Arni Adler/Andrew Ratshin | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

I am older than my parents
When I first thought they were old
I am weaker than the weakest kids I teased
I am keeping up appearances
I’m falling from the fold
I am suffering from some middle-aged disease

I am tired to distraction
I am wired to the bed
I’m a part of the machinery I use
I am old and out of action
I am fat and over fed
And I’m waiting for some disappointing news

I am greater than the pieces
I am smaller than the whole
I am less and less for wear to say the least
I am scrounging through the creases
For an old remote control
I am lounging in the belly of the beast

I am lost in these commercials
I am plastered on these walls
I am missing too much sleep to make a scene
I am wrestling with inertia
I am resting on my laurels
And I’m testing all my waters in between

I am folded up and fallow
I am cold and undefined
I am molding this expression on my face
I’m a little short of shallow
I’m a coward by design
And I’m taking up an awful lot of space

I am greater than the pieces
I am smaller than the whole
I am less and less for wear to say the least
I am scrounging through the creases
For an old remote control
I am lounging in the belly of the beast

I am learning by attrition
I am trying to resist
I’m avoiding indecision
I am always making lists
I’m unsung and unexciting
I am sliding into slaughter
I’m not even writing
I’m just putting words in order

I am whining on the surface
I am whining underneath
I’m a window on a soul that isn’t there
I am dying for a purpose
I am lying through my teeth
And I’m trying to remember if I care

I am greater than the pieces
I am smaller than the whole
I am wondering will the wonders ever cease
As the sound of me increases
I’ll be found here in this hole
I am lounging in the belly of the beast

Available on Lounging in the Belly of the Beast and Primal Urges

If you loved Tommy
Really loved him
You might enjoy
Samuel and Owen
Folks who liked
Owen and Sammy agree
They started out first loving Tommy
If Sammy and Owen
Suit you to a T
Then move on to Horace
Bobby and Lee
Folks who liked Bobby and Horace agree
They started out first loving Tommy

I was sorry to hear that forever was not quite forever
But that doesn’t mean that the love has to end
You successfully loved you can love once again
And you’re likely to love some of ex-Tommy’s friends

‘Cause if you loved Tommy
Really loved him
You might try a sampler of
Charlie and Simon
Folks who liked
Simon and Charlie agree
They started out first loving Tommy
If Charlie and Simon
Suit you to a T
They’re better when bundled with
Bert, Bill and Steve
Folks who liked Billy and Bertrand agree
They started out first loving Tommy

I was sorry to hear that you fear that your time here was wasted
That you should have stuck with your Timmies instead
But all of the brave work you did here with Tommy
Will serve you quite well with the Tommy’s ahead

So if you loved Tommy
Really loved him
You might try a soupcon of
Guillome and Henri
Folks who liked
Henri and Guy (gee) agree
They started out
First loving Tommy

60 percent of us went out with morris
And 20 percent chose to hook up with Hank
4 out of 5 reviewers agree
That one out of five doesn’t know anything

‘Cause if you loved Tommy
Really loved him
Don’t you think Tommy
Would really like Beth
Men who loved you
Seemed to always agree
That Beth was the next one for Tommy
And if Beth was the next one
And perfect like you
Then what about Doris
Or Stacy or Sue
Folks who like Susan, or Stacy, or You
Seem to find favor with Tommy
Might be the flavor for Tommy
They’re finding their hearts loving Tommy
Everyone starts, loving Tommy

Words: Arni Adler/Andrew Ratshin | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on The Grim Parade

Darling you should know by now
That if everything should end tonight
We would still come through somehow
With a head full of flavors and a handful of light
And the voices that are singing inside us
Will provide us with the faith to go on
And they’ll bind us together and guide us
Through the dark of the dawn

Darling you should know by now
That our souls will never quite be still
We’ll stay heart to heart somehow
With the sleep of the angels
And the strength of our will
And the voices that are singing around us
Will surround us with the words we inspire
And they’ll drown us together
With sounds of our death and desire

And the voices that are singing behind us
Will remind us of the time at the start
“To love and to honor and cherish ‘til death do us part“
And keep us together forever with love in our hearts

Available on Live(?) In Seattle

Lunchtime boredom, bad breath salesman
Lost his timing and commission
Reaching out without permission
To fill my glass
From part-way full
To almost full

Cheese and crackers, business babble
Lost my interest and my patience
Through the stilted conversation
To watch my ass
And when I stood
To watch it good

He asked to see me again
And I just couldn’t respond
And so I thought it would end
If we could just move along
It seems he had to persist
It was a masculine thing
And he would cease to exist
Without that masculine thing

Lunchtime meeting, heavy breather
Lost his sense of true discretion
Every look a true suggestion
To take me home
To bed me down without a sound

He asked if I was inclined
To have a follow-up call
And even though I declined
I knew he’d call after all
‘Cause he just had to insist
It was this masculine thing
And he would cease to exist
Without his masculine thing

Lose my number, won’t you lose my number
My friends forget me, why can’t you forget me
I’m not buying won’t you please stop trying
Try and treat me like you never met me
I could vanish if you let me

He was a typical guy
He knew he just couldn’t win
But wouldn’t say his good byes
‘Til he was under my skin
‘Cause he just couldn’t resist
It was a masculine thing
And he would cease to exist
Without that masculine thing

Lunchtime boredom, bad breath salesman
Lost his timing and commission

Unreleased

Sometimes there’s a morning
When the streets are almost silent
I walk slowly, I walk slow
And with nowhere left to go
I head out without protection
Just to try to make connection with the flow

There streets are always pretty
And I like to hit the city
And go window shopping, I go window shopping
And the streets are always empty
And I’m never even tempted
When I’m window shopping
And the stores are never open
And the folks are walking blind
And I’ve come to know the neighborhood
I’ll never leave behind

Oh I never feel the danger
When I come across a stranger
If he’s twice my size, then he’s twice my size
And I’ll ask for a direction
Just to see my own reflection
In his sleepy eyes
There’s a wind that blows the papers
There’s a pile at my feet
It’s an early morning barrier
To anyone I meet

You can join me in the darkness
You can watch me from the car
There’s a lot of peace and quiet in the air tonight
And we’ll be making fun
Making fun of foreigners

There’s a lot of time for dreaming
When the sidewalk isn’t teaming
And I’m window shopping, I go window shopping
And the discount stores are warring
And the gutter men are snoring
And I think of stopping, but I’m window shopping
There’s a lot of secret pleasure
When a stranger takes a dive
And the traffic turns the corner
And the city comes alive

And the misery love company
And the tempers sometimes flare
You can see the troubled faces in the morning light
You can follow close behind me
We can travel half awake
And we’ll be making fun
Making fun of foreigners

I can lose myself in street lamps
They’ve been swallowed by the twilight
And I look the strangers right between the eyes
I’ve got nothing else to do when I’m alone
All these wonderful distractions right at home

Sometimes there’s a morning
When the streets are almost silent
I walk slowly, I walk slow
And with nowhere else to go
I head back with no direction
Having made a new connection with the flow
Making fun, making fun of foreigners

Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

I will build a testament
To last a thousand years
You will be beside me
For eternity
We will move through marble
With the worries of the wind
For the promise, for the people
For posterity

I will build a story book
To document our lives
Made of sacred stone
And solidarity
We will move a mountain
While the world is rushing by
For the fable, for the future
For the family

And when you talk about me
If you talk about me
Tell them that I loved you more each day
Centuries will pass and we will stay
Monuments will rise and fall
Carve our stories in the wall
Tell them there was something here to see
When you talk about me

I will build a history
For after we are gone
Pieces of our past
Will keep our memory
We will have a tale to tell
In everything to come
Of our love, our believers
Of our legacy

And when you talk about me
If you talk about me
Tell them I was honoring our love
Tell them that one world was not enough
Memories will start to fade
We’ll remain in what we made
Tell them there was something here to see
When you talk about me

And if the oceans start to drain
If the deserts fall to rain
We will be revered in all this glory
And when the empire turns to dust
As every empire must
Our stones will still remain here with our story

I will build a testament
To last a thousand years
You will be beside me
For eternity
Statues fail and turn to sand
We will rise above the land
There will still be something here to see
When you talk about me

Unreleased

We go to the bank
We run to the cleaners
We hop on a bus
It takes us back home
We set out the plates
We get out the dinners
We’re making a fuss
We’re making it warm

We loosen a tie
We mix a martini
We say our goodnights
Tuck everyone in
We crawl into bed
We shut off the TV
We’re closing our eyes
We’re dreaming of sin

Me and Mrs. Middle America
Separate sleepers on separate sides
Me and Mrs. Middle America
Middle American husbands and wives

We wake up the kids
We make up the breakfast
The family sits
It’s family time
We mix up the Tang
We pick out the doughnuts
We shake up the kids
They’re running behind

Me and Mrs. Middle America
Beaming at babies for most of our lives
Me and Mrs. Middle America
Middle American husbands and wives

What’s the agenda for me and the Mrs.
Just passionate kisses and passive restraints
It’s so delicious the way that the Mrs.
Dismisses her worries and hides her complaints
I like the Mrs. at family Christmas
When family dishes are left for the night
Family visits mean Mrs. and sis
Will persist in resisting their usual fights

We go to the mall
We go to the movies
We shine up the shoes
On Saturday nights
We go to the club
We go to the alley
We turn off the news
We turn on the fights

Me and Mrs. Middle America
Snapping our towels and flapping our thighs
Me and Mrs. Middle America
Middle American husbands and wives

Me and my honey
We’re watching our money
We’re losing gin rummy
And gaining some weight
Isn’t it funny
How me and my honey
Are equally chummy with people we hate
Me and the Mrs.
We both know what bliss is
It’s mistletoe kisses and wishes come true
We’re never suspicious
Not me and the Mrs.
We both know that this is the best we can do

We go to the job
We go to the meeting
We say that we’ll vote
But never quite will
We stay on the phone
We threaten the beatings
We send in a note
When somebody’s ill

Me and Mrs. Middle America
Tentative travelers with plenty of slides
Me and Mrs. Middle America
Middle American husbands and wives

Me and Mrs. Middle America
Mother’s Day doilies and Father’s Day ties
Me and Mrs. Middle America
Middle American husbands and wives

Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

I knew a boy who said that loneliness would kill him
Until he met a woman who could only give him pain
I knew a girl who said no love could ever fill her
Until she met the only man her soul could not contain
They were married in the summer
And they honeymooned in Europe
And they settled down near Denver
And they hardly said a word
They had two point seven children
And a palace in the suburbs
And their’s is the saddest story that I’ve ever heard

I knew a boy who said that happiness was lethal
Until he met a woman who could cut him down to size
I knew a girl who thought that every man was evil
She sorted through her suitors with a venom in her eyes

They were married in the winter
And they settled in the city
And they worked ‘til they were tired
And they always seemed to fight
But when no one else could hear them
They would swear their love forever
And whisper through the passion everything’s all right

Men and Women love each other
Men and Women try so hard
Men and Women wander freely
Armed and deadly
On their guard
Men and Women fool their neighbors
Men and Women rule the world
Men and Women, movers, shapers
Men and Women, boys and girls

I knew a boy who said that love could never find him
Until he met a woman who would claw her way inside
I knew a girl who said that love would never blind her
Until she met the only man the darkness couldn’t hide

So they were married for a while
But they parted in September
When she saw that he was changing
And he knew she wouldn’t die
But she thinks that he’ll remember
And he knows that she’ll forget him
And they still feel they were wrong to say good-bye

Men and Women cling together
Men and Women sing off key
Men and Women cringe at incest
Prince or princess on their knee
Men and Women sagging shriners
Men and Women flags unfurled
Men and Women, braggers, whiners
Men and Women boys and girls

He was a quiet man
The neighbors seemed to love him
He always smiled at the children passing by
No one could understand
What demons came to shove him
When he pulled the trigger
When the chainsaw started
Was it hard to figure
Was he broken-hearted
Did the neighbors marvel
At the sudden silence
Did he hate to carpool
Did it lead to violence
When they close the curtains
And they hide inside
Do they know for certain
If he lived or died

Men and Women stoop to conquer
Men and Women stoop so low
Men and Women filled with doubt
They scream about what they don’t know
Men and Women host and hostess
Men and Women social climb
Men and Women fill the churches
Still the urges, kill some time
Men and Women take their places
Men and Women make some noise
Men and Women, well-scrubbed faces
Men and Women, girls and boys

Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn

How many hearts have you broken
How many men have you lost
How many times have we spoken
When I couldn’t get the point across
How many times have we stood here
Waiting for your prince to arrive
How many shoulders to cry on
Does it take to keep the dream alive

How many tears have you tasted
How many drinks have we shared
How many nights have been wasted
‘Cause you thought that there was no one there
How many times will you call me
Looking for a little relief
How many nights will I wait here
Smiling in disbelief

You go home to your lover
I go home to my room
You go home to discover
I you’ve spoken too soon
I will wait in the window
‘Cause there’s nothing that I can do

How many times have I wondered
How many years it would take
‘That you’ll see the delusion you’re under
That you wouldn’t make the same mistake
How many times must I watch you
Throwing all your secrets away
How many men will it take you
To save them for a rainy day

You go back to your lover
I go back to my home
You go back to recover
From those evenings alone
You can choose where you find me
I’m so use to being on my own
And I feel like I’m lost in the middle
Just a little bit caught in the crush
Watching you working
Searching for the Midas Touch

And with all the perfect strangers
Who are vying for attention
You will learn that nothing changes
‘Cept the names you have to mention
There is safety in the numbers
There is safety being sure
That there’s a safety net below you
That will save you from the cure
And the only real advantage
In returning to the fold
Is the words you take for granted
And the shelter from the cold
You will back away until you’re
Facing someone more familiar
Who will fill your dreams of loneliness
With promises of gold

You’ll go on with your lovers
I’ll go on with the fight
You’ll go under the covers
Just to stay out of sight
I will be there like a shadow
‘Cause I’m so tired of saying good night
Why would you choose
Someone who loves you too little
Over someone who loves you too much°
Leaping and lurching
Searching for the Midas Touch
Leaping and lurching
Searching for the Midas Touch

*from Chilly Scenes of Winter by Joan Micklin Silver

Available on Myn Ynd Wymyn and But I'm Happy Now

I got old man arms
I can hardly even reach the itchy places
I got old man eyes
I can really only see familiar faces
I got old man legs
And I need to be escorted
I got old man hair
And my nape is now my forehead
I got old man fingers on my old man hands
I got old secretions from my old man glands
And those are just a few of my charms
Old man arms

I got old man brain
And I really don’t remember how I got here
I got old man back
And the grandkids like to play connect the dots here
I got old man scent
I should stay away from dairy
I got old man ears
So they got a little hairy
I got old man stirrings in my old man pants
I got old desires with an old man’s chance
That’s a little hard to explain
Old man brain

And modern medicine has made me what I am today
If I mask the pain, was there really pain
Modern medicine is keeping me alive this way
I can take more in the morning
If I’m still here in the morning

I got old man toes
The ones that aren’t ting-l-ing are freezing
I got old man tongue
And I find the taste of liver kinda pleasing

I got old man nerves
And I’m not sure why I’’m bragging
I got old man skin
It’s translucent or it’s sagging
I got old man whining, I got old man ills
I got old man doctors with the old man bills
I got old relying on my old man pills

Cause modern medicine has made me what I am today
So I shake some more, so I take some more
Modern medicine is keeping me alive this way
It’s the gift that keeps on giving
And it almost feels like living

Oh the red one’s for the fire in my belly
And the green one’s for the emptiness inside
I take a tiny little white one
For the damage from the pink one
And I think one even fought off any thought of suicide
There are orange ones to stop the pressure falling
And there are blues ones so it doesn’t go too high
All these colors, all these choices
Help me drown out all the voices
I’ve been taking them forever so I’m never going to die

I got old man arms
I can hardly even reach the itchy places
I got old man thoughts
And they never really fill the spaces
I got old man blood
It’s a little like molasses
I got old man sight
I need glasses for my glasses
I got old man sorrows in my old man hands
I got no tomorrows in my old man plans
That set off a few more alarms
Old Man Arms

Unreleased

Stay in bed
But don't close your eyes
You know that we love you
No, really, we love you
So keep it together
Take our advice
Just stay in bed
And don't close your eyes

Don't go downstairs
Don't call our names
Though we'll always be here
Just not over there
There's so much between us
No, really, between us
Just stay in bed
Don't go downstairs

The monster in the closet’s getting hungry
He hopes that you left something on your plate
And the monster underneath your bed
Knows good things come to those who lie in wait

The monster in the TV room is restless
He can not seem to find the good remote
And the monster in the kitchen’s
Got a little bit of someone in his throat

So don’t go down, down, down, down, down, down, down

The monster in the basement gets so whiny
He always seems to get his feelings hurt
But the monster in the dining room
Is hoping for a really good dessert

The Monster in the bathroom brings you water
But that’s the older monster trick in sight
‘Cause the monster in the hallway knows
That you could never hold it in all night
And he waits around for just a little taste
You can hear his stomach rumbling from the hiding place

And we love you more than words could every say
And we love you even more and more each day
And we’d love to see you try to heed the warning
With a love that will refill here if you’re still here in the morning
And we love you like you’ll always be around
And we’ll love you if you never make a sound
And don’t go down, down, down
Don’t go down, down, down

The monster in the toaster’s kind of harmless
There’s not a lot of damage he can do
But the monster in the vacuum sucks
The thing that makes you special out of you

The monster on the front lawn’s throwing pebbles
He wants you to come down and let him in
And the monster in the pantry
Likes the tender bits with extra crispy skin
And he waits around for something extra sweet
Listening for the pitter-pat of tiny little feet

And we love you more than words could every say
And we love you even more and more each day
And we love you more than Hodon loved Odona
With a love that can’t prepare you but I swear to you we wanna
‘Cause we love you like you’ll always be around
And we love that you’re the smartest kid in town
And won’t go down, down, down
Won’t go down, down, down

We remember Tommy
Do you remember Tommy
Listening to Mommy would have helped Tom through
We didn’t want the monsters
But please don’t taunt the monster
We can’t outrun the monsters but we’ll out run you

Still we love you more than words could every say
And we’d love to have you here another day
And we’ll love you ‘til the moment that they swallow
Like we loved the one before you and we’ll love the one to follow
Yes we love you like you’ll always be around
And we’ll love you ‘til another you is found
So don’t go down, down, down
Don’t go down, down, down

Available on The Monster in the Closet/Go To Sleep

From her father
To my father
Without any time to breathe
From her mother
To a mother
Almost nothing in between
From her mother
To a mother
She could never be that strong
From a mother
To a daughter
All that silence passed along

From a mother
To a daughter
All that history held inside
From a daughter
To a mother
I was never on your side
From a daughter
To a mother
These were choices I could make
From a mother
To a daughter
I won’t make the same mistakes

Mother to mother
Mother to daughter
Daughter to mother
Mother to daughter

From her father
To my father
From her mother
To a mother
From a mother
To a daughter
I could see it in your face
From a daughter
To a mother
You will always have a place

Available on Apology

Who’s that you’ve got on your arm
Isn’t that Mr. Nice
Did he open the door
Did he pull out the chair
Did he let you decide
Where you wanted to eat
Did he pick up the check

Did he kiss you goodnight
Did he just shake your hand
Mr. Nice always does
What’s the best thing for you
And he’ll never intrude
Where he isn’t invited
He says it’s a sign of respect

Everything’s wonderful
Isn’t it wonderful
Wonder of wonders
That’s him to a T
Mr. Nice loves you so
Mr. Nice lets you know
Mr. Nice is as nice as can be

Wasn’t that Mr. Nice
Buying you clothes
Did he pick out that dress
Did he patiently wait
While you tried it all on
Did he help you decide
Between pumps or highest of heels

Did he draw you a bath
While averting his eyes
Did he serve you some tea
Did he heat up the towels
Mr. Nice always tells
The most humorous jokes
He knows all the best people and deals

Everything’s wonderful
Isn’t it wonderful
He’s so damn wonderful
It’s hard to breathe
Mr. Nice is still there
Mr. Nice in your hair
Mr. Nice is as nice as can be

Maybe tonight will be different
He’ll keep you out late
Or he’ll say something crude
He could make an advance
He could step out of line
Even loosen his tie
It’s the least he could do
Maybe he’ll let down his guard
You’ll discover the truth
About all of the women
He’s left in his wake
That his name was a joke
He was given in jail
That would be something new

Who’s that I saw by your side
Wasn’t that Mr. Nice
Did you give him the boot
Did he drive you insane
Was he really that nice
Was it just a display
Did he drink to your health

Did he always defer
Did he take his sweet time
They all say Mr. Nice
Always waits for his turn
Was he none of the things
Could you give him my number
I’m willing to see for myself

Everything’s wonderful
Isn’t it wonderful
He’s Mr. Wonderful
Don’t you agree
Mr. Nice is so nice
It’s worth saying it twice
Mr. Nice is as nice as can be

Words: Arni Adler/Andrew Ratshin | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Available on Apology

Taking charge of her affairs
Brushing all her cares away,
Noticeably shaken,
Mrs. Rosenberg ventures out today

She headed down the cul-de-sac in slippers and a robe
Gold lame and faded pink chenille
Since the Maker chose the Mister to remove to higher ground
She didn’t fuss about her sex appeal

No lipstick could be found to hide her differences besides
Most neighbors wouldn’t see her from their pews,
Greeted by their second cars whose Jesus fish were standing guard
She accidentally kicks their Sunday news

Taking charge of her affairs
Brushing all her cares away,
Mrs. Rosenberg ventures out today

The Midwest sky had just supplied its season of complaining
When Rosenberg arrived in ‘51
She followed Mr. Rosenberg, but not the road ahead
Another girl thrown off the map by love

From one of many Rosenbergs became the one exception
Like something gone awry with crops that year
And though the neighbors softened like the ground when it’s defrosted
She couldn’t grow accustomed to it here

Just beyond the border
Just beyond the husks
Just beyond the rows and rows of years
Just beyond the order
Someone in the dusk
Mrs. Rosenberg slowly disappears

Her kids were grown and on their own and never thought to call
And if they did she opened up the wounds
And god forbid they’d just show up with grandkids in their arms
And more than just a post-card full of news

Another crop of Rosenbergs who left like all the others
Who grew up fast and moved too far from home
With faces like the family faces fighting in the photos
‘Til everyone left everyone alone

Someone warn the neighbors
Someone’s on the run
Someone shift the tractor into gear
Someone’s in the acres
Someone get a gun
Mrs. Rosenburg’s slowly disappeared

Go tell Mrs. Rosenberg
Wherever she may roam
Someone ought to chauffer her
On her journey home
Back to where it started
Where her family belonged
Check the phone book in New York
A million Rosenbergs can’t be wrong

Her neighbors spoke of God like he was sleeping in their den
And he wasn’t seeing visitors that day.
They had their families and their churches and for this she envied them,
In Brooklyn she would have had the same

Mrs. Rosenberg was last seen as she trudged into the field
With just a broom, a spatula, and tongs
The farmers grew expectant when examining their yield
But Mrs. Rosenberg was really gone

Someone call the drug store
Someone needs her drugs
Someone’s heading for the old frontier
Someone (Just) call her children
Maybe just call Doug
Mrs. Rosenberg’s slowly disappeared

Someone check the silos, Someone check the crops
Someone check the obvious out here
Someone lost a widow, Somewhere in the stalks
Mrs. Rosenberg’s slowly disappeared

Words: Arni Adler | Music: Andrew Ratshin
Unreleased

I heard the voice of money
I heard the cries of innocence
I felt the devil tapping
He was tugging on my sleeve
I read the proposition
I saw the posted interest
I learned a new position
Thought I’d never have to leave

I heard the sound of dollars
I heard the sighs of decadence
I felt the angels singing
They were singing right on key
I read the words of strangers
They brought in their arrangers
And made a couple changes
In the name of strategy

The skies are always grey here
And mood’s a state of mind
And content’s in the way here
The blind preach to the blind
It’s all a fashion play here
And genius doesn’t pay
Emotion’s on display here
And love, love just fades away

I heard the stockpile growing
I heard the prayers of providence
I felt the agents calling
They were offering it all
And these proselytizing pundits
With their musical redundance
Brought me fortunes in abundance
Wall to wall, wall to wall

The future’s never bright here
Depression sells like gold
And everything’s so trite here
It leaves a body cold
The politics lean right here
They’re always in control
The music sounds so white here
And love, love has got no soul

If this is what sells then we’ll sell it
If this is what works then what’s wrong
The money’s so strong you can smell it
Don’t be disturbed if you can’t hear the words
‘Cause the words aren’t really that strong
It all sounds the same so you’ll buy it
What’s different just doesn’t belong
We’re all on a cultural diet
Here in the radio, this is my radio
Here in my radio song

I heard accounts accruing
I heard the dogs of diligence
I felt the devil laughing
He was moving up the charts
They were pleased with their creation
Cured the cold but killed the patient
And I tried change the station
But I didn’t have the smarts

The jeans are always torn here
And books are all highbrow
The attitudes are worn here
Like leather on a cow
The eyes are full of scorn here
And eager to explain
There’s nothing you can mourn here
And love, love is always pain

If this is what plays then I’ll play it
If this is what they understand
Just tell me the price and I’ll pay it
I’m not to blame if the sound is the same
‘Cause that’s just what the people demand
The formula works so we spread it
And everyone’s singing along
There’s nobody left to discredit
Here in the radio, this is my radio
Here in my radio song

I’ve seen the new executive
He’s got the numbers in his head
And if he acts insensitive
He could be somewhere else instead
He’s not the least competitive
Or even argumentative
And if it sounds derivative
He’s got the cash to raise the dead

If this is what sells then they’ll get it
If this is what works then I’ll try
There’s plenty of instinct to edit
Why change a thing when it’s easy to sing
And you know that the masses will buy
They’ve heard it before so they love it
The current is rapid and strong
There’s nobody rising above it
Here in the radio, this is my radio
Here in my radio song

Available on I Am Joe's Eyes

Into the room like a target
Into my heart like a knife
I can lead you to water
I can lead you to drink
I can lead you into changing your life
But if you’re looking for a girl to hold on to
Better than the one by your side
You can try to change horses
In the middle of the stream
If another horse is ready to ride

You came into the fray like a soldier
Into the night like a whore
And I could leave you for no one
I could leave you for dead
I could leave for something new to explore
Now you got everything that you ever wanted
You got piece of ass and peace of mind
Still there’s another to the left
And there’s another to the right
If you think that theirs are better than mine

And you’ve been searching for devotion
And you’ve been outside looking in
And you’ve been hoping for a sign to save the day
I am the one who’s always been here
I am the unoriginal sin
I’m the needle in the haystack

Into the soul like a surgeon
Into the pain like a smile
I could love you forever
I could love you for now
I could love you like a motherless child
But if you’re waiting for a woman to offer
More than just the love on these lips
Well you can take another prisoner
Or take another road
And I’ll pack a little food for the trip

’Cause you’ve been out there on your ocean
And you’ve survived the undertow
And you’ve been waiting for the tide to turn your way
I am the one who’s always been here
I am the secret that you know
I’m the needle in the haystack

‘Cause you’ve been wasting emotion
And you’ve been angling for it all
And you’ve been trolling while the big one slips away
I am the one who’s always been here
I am the shadow on your wall
I’m the needle in the haystack

Available on Live(?) In Seattle